{IN}Conspicuous Construction

This blog is still on??!!

2007-01-03T10:48:00.000-06:00

I guess "hello" is a weak way to reintroduce myself to this circuit, but that's all I got right now.
It's been quite a while since I've blogged, but it has been for a good reason.
I've purposely stayed away from my blog because my husband Kevin has been stationed over in Afghanistan since September of '06. I knew that anything I would have to say would only be a direct result of my uncouth circumstances and the last thing I needed was a bunch of wannabe politicians calling me unpatriotic.

I'm resuming my position in the blogosphere because it's what I feel the need to do right now. No, Kevin is not home yet, but there has been enough talk of his whereabouts on other blogs (hell, he even did a podcast from his sandy shanty) so I'm thinking it's ok for me to release some tension and inspiration through the written word.

I am still in the process of changing over my format, so there may be a few kinks here and there.
I must say, it is good to be able to write again, even if I have nothing of value to say....who really does out here anyway?

So look out fellow bloggers....Addys back and you never know what you'll see over here!

Las Vegas Update

2006-07-28T14:03:00.000-05:00

I needed a week to recover from my Vegas trip before I began retelling this story. The story that is sure to carry on throughout the great history of Vegas.

It was a really great time! Of course, every great story has a dramatic curve, and this story is no different.

I'm still working on the posts, so I'll give ya' little photo tidbits to tide you over until I'm finished writing.

Feel free to come to your own conclusions until I connect the dots for you.

Well, now that you have an idea, a mere glimpse of the kind of Vegas trip I'm talking about...I hope you'll be back to relive every exciting moment with me! This is Walter Cronkite shit people-you don't wanna miss it!

VEGAS.... Here We Come!

2006-07-15T10:29:00.000-05:00

Today is the day! The momentous day has arrived, and we will begin our journey to the land of Sin and Broken Dreams, Las Vegas. Did I mention that we are in fact driving...to Las Vegas...from Wisconsin.

The minivan is ready and waxed (and so is Kevin's back) and our crew is anxiously assembling.
26 hours, driving across America during the hottest part of the year in our final destination.

I will try my best to update everyone throughout our travels and our Vegas Vacation.

Wish us luck, and just in case....I'm B positive, allergic to penicillin, and I'm an organ donor, but not to anyone who smokes, drinks, or plays bingo.

Summerfest Photoshoot Update

2006-07-06T19:05:00.000-05:00

The last time I had a spare minute to share my pathetic life with the blogosphere, I told you about the photoshoot I was doing at Summerfest for Wisconsin Trails Magazine (scroll down to the previous post for that story...I'm too lazy to link it!)

The shoot was awesome! We all had a great time, the four of us got along SO well, and the cameraman was so laid back, it was easy to follow his direction and still be natural. My gal pal Kelly tailed on the shoot with me, and I asked her to snap some pictures while the photographer snapped pictures of the models. How artsie man.

Martell and Dwayne looked great together, and George and I have the same kind of weirdo gene that made us mesh wonderfully.

Almost too well at times.

If you squint really hard, you can almost mistake stinky Lake Michigan for an exotic location!

I'm really excited to see the actual layout in the magazine, as they usually only choose 3 or 4 photos out of all of the shots that were taken.

Of course after a hard day of work...yeah work, my overzealous co-worker/model friend George, still felt the need to pose for some additional pictures. I realized that it was almost necessary for me to participate in the picture since it was going to be on the Air Force's website, and here I was donning my airforce tee in loving honor of my husband. No, Not George...he was only my pretend husband for the shoot, though we harrassed each other like we were really married!

Summerfest 2006 rocked! I'm sure I'll make 1 or 2 more trips back there before the end of the festivities. And I'll be on the lookout for the magazines that our layout will be in!

I'll keep you posted!

My Big Gig at the Big Gig

2006-06-29T12:11:00.000-05:00

IT'S FINALLY HERE! Today is opening day at SUMMERFEST, the World's Largest Music Festival, and it's held nowhere else, but right here in humble ass Milwaukee, WI.

Thousands of people come every year to listen to live music by headlining bands, they also come for the abundance of food, beer and of course, for the opportunity to dance drunk on a picnic table.

Summerfest has something for everyone...I usually just suggest leaving the kids at home after
5 pm. There's nothing that makes me more crazy than watching some pathetic excuse for a parent, drag their children through a sea of drunks rockin' out to Steely Dan, while they spill beer and ash on anyone who has the great misfortune to bump into them. For Christs Sake...if ya' can't find a sitter, sit yer' ass home! Summerfest will be back next year!

That was exactly the case for me last year. The timing just didn't work out for me and Kevin, and when we did think about going to the "Big Gig", we couldn't find a sitter for the kids, so we haven't been to Summerfest in 2 years.

Such is not the case for me this year though.

I have my own Big Gig at the Big Gig on Friday. I guess you could say I have to work, but not really. I'm going to be modeling in an editorial shoot for a magazine, and Summerfest is the location!

Wisconsin Trails Magazine is doing a spread on Summerfest and I will be playing the role of fest-goer with my "husband", George, who is a fellow model and really great guy. I guess the only down side (if you can call it that) is that the magazine is pretty conservative, and they were looking for more of that, 30-ish married couple. I was selected because of my look and compatibility with George, and I was told to look "more momish and 30's". I was like, "WHAT?!!! Thats what I'm always trying NOT to look like!" Oh well, it's good exposure. I just can't wear short shorts or fitted tops...it's probably better for the public if I didn't anyway!

So if you see a photographer and a group of people taking pictures all around Summerfest tomorrow between 1:30 and 5:00...chances are, thats me! If you don't make it to Summerfest this year, be sure to check out Wisconsin Trails coverage of Summerfest in their August Issue!
I'll even autograph your copy! It might actually decrease its value! ; )

SEE YA' AT SUMMERFEST!!!!

THE DOCTORS APPOINTMENT

2006-06-15T16:19:00.000-05:00

Today, I had to go see my doctor...my "woman" doctor...my OBGYN. For all of my male readers, an OBGYN is

I wasn't really as nervous as I used to be in the past. Now, I simply see it as one more awkward thing I have to do, just like Christmas at the in-laws. I can't complain too much though, my OBGYN is a great guy. YES, HE is a GUY, and NO, my husband isn't jealous. Cause I know some of you fellas would be.
This was the first time I had been back to see him since my six week check-up after giving birth to Madison. Again, for my testosterone filled readers: After a woman has a baby, a follow-up appointment is made six weeks later so the doctor can determine that the womans body is healing properly after childbirth. It's also when the Doc usually gives the go ahead to return to a normal sexually active lifestyle.... which for most men, is an anxiously awaited day. Though most women aren't extremely thrilled about the mere idea of sex, since they're barely done bleeding by the 6th week. Yeah- I went there, whatcha' gonna do about it?

So today was my annual appointment, complete with a pap smear and a breast exam. WOO HOO! As I said earlier, this was normally something I avoided at ALL costs in the past. I never cared about the well being of my body, I just knew I wasn't going to let some strange man (or woman) delve inside of me unnecessarily, at least not without buying me dinner first. You can say I built up a wall to protect myself from such circumstances, as I didn't have the best introduction to the element of sex when I was younger. But thats an entirely different blog post!
You know you've lost that girlish attribute and have become a tried and true woman or mother, when you can comfortably carry on a conversation with your doctor or nurse as they examine you. Here I am, feet in the stir-ups, spread eagle, with a spot light illuminating me "down there", and just as Dr.Caldwell snaps on his rubber gloves, he asks me, "So, how's the modeling business going?". So I begin chatting with him and the observing nurse about the Boys and Girls Club fashion show! The nurse complimented me in all my exposure, saying I was one of the only moms she knew that could continue modeling Jr's Fashions after having 2 kids. When the Doc agreed, I thought, "Hey, he must know what he's talking about. After all, he HAS seen more panooch than Ron Jeremy!" Probably not, but anyway.
After my internal exam, I received a new tetanus shot. Last week, I was pulling weeds in my yard, around the enormous junk pile that once was our deck before we remodeled the house, and I pierced the arch of my foot with a well camouflaged, old rusty nail that was sticking out of one of the scrap boards. The profanities flowed from my lips, as I hobbled back into the house, bleeding like a stigmatic. I knew the tetanus shot was good for 10 years and I was sure I got one before I had Vinny, but I just wanted to be safe. Of course I flinched like a little girl as the needle was inserted into my arm. God, I HATE needles! I don't know how crackheads do it. Now I feel like a real sally because my arm actually hurts. It's more like that dull pain that only intensifies when you strain the muscle. The only upside to being violated and stuck like a voo-doo doll, was being able to renew my prescription for the birth control patch. As far as I'm concerned, I have no plans of entering the office of my OBGYN for any other reason until my 2007 annual exam.

God Bless the cold, clammy handed doctors of Obstetrics and Gynecology!
Boldly going where no man has gone before seeking courage from a bottle first.

Transformations 2006 Fashion Show : Continued

2006-06-14T08:08:00.000-05:00

A week has passed since the Boys and Girls club held their annual Fashion Show to raise funds for thier facilities. The show was absolutely amazing! I was totally floored by the professionalism that went into this production. It was very "New York Chic" with martinis, elaborate table settings and white covered couches that were situated at strategic places ON the runway, for special guests of honor.
The show is now available for viewing on Time Warner Cable's Digital IN DEMAND Channels. You can find the fashion show on the "Wisconsin On Demand Channel", Channel 1111
Use your remote control to select the Boys and Girls Clubs of Greater Milwaukee, and then select Transformations 2006 and play. You can even see my hubby Kevin, lurking at the end of one point of the runway. He looked totally thrilled to be there.(Yeah, right) I don't know why he wouldn't be, most of us models weren't able to wear bras or panties....and you could tell!

Here is some of the backstage photos that you won't get to see on cable. Though the cameramen WERE back there, maybe they figured it would be inappropriate to air an interview backstage, while there were naked models running around.
I took this first photo while the hair and make up crews were setting up. It looks like a ton of space, but when all was said and done, the models barely had enough room to get in line for showtime.

This next photo shows one of the models getting her "Do" Done, while the stylist dons a chair to secure the style. Not only was the model tall, (about 5'11) her hair was ginormously high. Let me just say, she is a beautiful girl, but she looked like the bride of Frankenstein with that bush on her noggin.

And this last photo shows the much coveted fashion designs that everyone came to see that night. It also appears to be a clever pic of coordinatingly dressed women, bending over in my shot. Strange how that works???
Ignore all the ass for a moment, and rather focus on the couture. If I pillaged that rack alone, I would have enough cash to begin building my dream home...thats not including the shoes, those would pay for my land!

I was truly honored to be able to take part in such a prestegious runway show. I'm sure the Boys and Girls Clubs rasied plenty of money for their kids. Thats really what it's all about.

I'll have more pics from the actual runway show later.

The Human Condition

2006-06-07T12:32:00.000-05:00

Please Don't Push The Button

Transformations: 2006 Fashion show

2006-06-06T15:02:00.000-05:00

I'm really pschyed because tonight is the rehearsal for the BIG fashion show/ fund raiser for the Boys and Girls Clubs. This is going to be one of the first times, in a long time, that I think I'll be really nervous on stage. The show is sold out and there is an expected 650 people that are going to be in attendance. The guest list includes Milwaukee County Sheriff, David Clarke as one of the Emcees, the mayor, congresspeople, and other WI politicians and people that have too much money, as well as high fashion designers, press and photojournalists from varying magazine publications. Time Warner Cable is also taping the show for broadcast on it's IN DEMAND channels.
The show couldn't benifit a better foundation. I grew up with the boys and girls clubs. In fact, I started going as soon as they allowed girls to attend in 1985. Before that, it was only known as The Boys Club. Later, I worked for the club and extended my experience to the Boys and Girls Club "after school programs", where I was the athletic coordinator for girls special interest programs at Walker Middle School and Mitchell Alexander School, both on the South side of Milwaukee.
The fashion show is no less than posh for Milwaukee standards. One of the dresses I'm wearing is on loan from Designer Carolina Herrera's line. It was one of the same dresses she showcased in New York's Fashion Week this past Feburary. I almost passed out when I saw the couture price of $52,000 hanging delicately from the silken tag. Maybe Carolina will let me borrow her gown this weekend as Kevin and I have to go to a wedding? Ya' think? Yeah, my dress would cost more than their entire wedding!
Well I have to get ready for the reahersal tonight. If, by some chance, you ARE going to the fashion show, here is the elite line up for tomorrow evenings events:

6 p.m. Reception & Silent Auction

8 p.m. Runway and Fashion Show & Live Auction

Emcee: Sheriff David Clarke & Male Model: Marc Marotta

LOCATION

Midwest Airlines Maintenance Facility

555 Air Cargo Way

Valet Parking Available

FASHIONS

AVERSA*CHARLES DWYER*BOSTON STORE*MISS GROOVE*GIGI OF MEQUON*ZITA*HARLEYS THE STORE FOR MEN*HERS*LELA*GARBS NUVO*PICARDY SHOE PARLOUR

TICKETS

$60 per individual unreserved seat

$450 per reserved table for four

$600 per VIP runway table for four

Wish me luck, and maybe I'll see some of the "Elite Bloggers" in the audience. Charlie Sykes maybe? Man, Aaron woule be really pissed then! :)

The Perfect Post Awards

2006-06-02T12:57:00.000-05:00

I've recently caught wind of this site that allows other bloggers to recognize their favorite posts from the previous month.
Unlike other blogs, that focus on religion or the political arena, these blogs deal with the things that SHOULD BE nearest and dearest to our hearts, Family.
There's nothing wrong with politics or religion, it's just that there never seems to be a common understanding, or better yet, agreement on how they should be conducted. You'll always have someone walking away from the discussion unfulfilled.

With a post like "A Day In The Life", it really helps put things back into perspective, by demonstrating that the daily chaos that comes with family life, are the very same rituals we would long for if taken away. The actual winner of the Perfect Post Award went to Sugar Mommy, and her post about being able to see the big picture.

Just a heads up....have a tissue handy.

All of the candidates blogs are worth taking a moment to delve into. The most cherished elements in life are not what the politicians are doing or what celebrities are wearing, it's the little things that make your life amazingly unique apart from everyone else.

Yeah! New Sidebar Additions!

2006-06-02T09:58:00.000-05:00

After my recent post about the progress of our well developing volleyball team, two (or 3 actually) other bloggers made contact and I was floored that they actually had something to do with volleyball themselves!

April dropped in and wished us well, and she also noted we were the Misty May and Kerry Walsh of the volleyball modeling world. April just started her own personal blog, which is delightfully entitled VOLLEYBALL VOICES. Her other blog, "April's Beach Volleyball Blog" is well established and is worth checking out. So I wish her well and I am expecting some amazing reading material on the passion we both share.

Then, like theives in the night, Jack and Dave stopped by with some additional praise for Team Serves You Right, and left me wondering who these "Volley gents" were. I checked out their site, and was very impressed , and a little envious. Jack and Dave travel around the country, following and covering the AVP in style. Their Head Blade Adorned RV looks like a metallic twinkie, and gets plenty of attention from AVP fans and media alike. Maybe they'll take a side trip to Milwaukee when the AVP hits Chi Town again.

I've been waiting for some great volleyblogs to come along. Frankly, I've grown tired of the political shit everywhere I turn. So I'm gonna add April's Site and Jack and Daves site to my sidebar so I can live vicariously through them!
I'm glad they dropped by and I look forward to hearing more from them in the future!

Beach Volleyball 2006 Update

2006-06-01T14:53:00.000-05:00

So with 5 weeks into Team "Serves You Right"'s Season... our standings are an incredible 11-4. Which is incredible for us. For those of you who don't follow, we have 11 wins and 4 losses on our record.

Of course, we're no Misty May and Kerri Walsh, but who the hell is? They're the best in the world for crepes sake. Our team has made leaps and bounds in the areas where we needed improvement. Our passing has come a long way, we're more aggressive, and even our "petite" players can be found kicking up some sand while going up on the net for a big block!
(You go Dani and Julie!)
Last night, we beat the team that always gave us a run for our money in the past few seasons. We were always neck and neck with them, but were never able to pull out the victory from under their sandy little feet. Well last night, we swept them for the second consecutive time! WOOP! WOOP! Our team finally got the hang of picking on their worst player, and exploiting their teams weaknesses. In this case, it was a big fat chick that has absolutely no skills.

What has made it both more challenging, and exciting, is the fact that we've never played with a full team of 6 until last night. We had been playing with only 4, and still came out victorious in the end. It is difficult to transition from playing and entire SECTION of court with 4, and then going to 6 where you have destinct zones. We sometimes got in each other's way....but I'd rather see 2 or 3 go for a ball then to have everyone stand around waiting for someone else to be aggressive.
I told you I would post some pics up here, so you can witness Team Serves You Right in action.
Since it is early in the season, you can expect to see more exciting photos, but for now, this is all I've got. At least it will help you put a face to the names of my teammates and myself when I discuss our fantastic volleyballers!

Here's Kim and our newest player, Julie
(in the cute cowboy hat), stretching before gametime. Pregame warm-ups are crucial girls.

Here I am, (in the shorts of course to cover my stretch marks) anxiously waiting to set up a beautiful pass to my outside, leftie hitter, in-law, Kim.

Kathy stealthly digs our opponents spike, giving Julie, our setter the perfect opportunity to feed one of our hitters.
The crazy looking line judge watches intently, while Dani is perfectly covering Kathy on the pass.

And finally, my favorite part of the game....the perfect set floats over to me, where I meet it in mid-air and send it over the net, sealing another triumphant victory over our competition!

God I love this game.

Kohl's Fashion Show Update

2006-05-31T08:23:00.000-05:00

We completed our second and final fashion show for Kohl's this past Friday. It really was a lot of fun working with them. What was even more fun, was that ALL of the models in the show were from MTM (our agency) so we were like one big, happy family. AWWE, how sweet.

This was a "back to school" fashion show,and KOHL'S was the client, so don't complain when you don't see half naked women. We had a lot of "half pint" models and I must say, they steal the show from us "aging" models. You also might be thinking right now,
"Addy, what the hell are you doing in a back to school fashion show...you're pushing 30!"
Well, some people thought I looked 19 and that I fit in with the college folk. Hey, without the kids and the wedding ring...I can pull off being 19. I just take away all reason and maturity, simple. There were a few other oldies in the show with me so I didn't feel so bad. Thank you George and Brandon!
So here's some of the pics I promised. They're not amazing because I snapped some when I could (while I had 30 seconds in between runs). I also recruited the dad of one of our models to take some pics of us on stage, and he admitted to not being able to use my camera so well. What can I say, technology.
Enjoy!

One of the runs, we had to wear T-shirts that described the kind of denim we were modeling. I got stuck with the Skinny Jean. You know, the one's I told you I wouldn't be caught dead wearing on the street again. Yeah, horrible. That, and the shirts were made to fit the guys, so they had to "cinch" them on all of us. The goof in the red is Laura. It doesn't look like it here, but she has been considered for Elite modeling in New York.

Some of our "half pints" passing the time by playing "hand clappy" games- Or whatever the hell they're called.

As the lights go down and the music begins, I was able to snap a quick photo of the jumbo-tron from back stage. Impressive huh?

Pay no attention to the glowing saftey devices in the background. Those were there so we didn't crash into them as we're haulin' ass from stage right to stage left, to enter/exit the runway and change into our next outfits.

Saftey first--right Kim?!!

Laura opened the show for our combined audience of 700 Kohl's corporate schnooldes.

Here's a great ass shot of yours truly in my "rocker 'chic" dubbed designs. I haven't worn flats or leggings since the 6th grade. ST Martini Baby!

(God, I'm slouching too! How embarrassing)

Our guys work the runway well. God Bless the Muscle Shirt!

Stripes Are Hype 'Yo. I felt like the Pillsbury doughboy in that big white hat. Mellisa plays to the excited crowd while George looks like a hotter version of Freedy Krueger in his get-up.

Here was our entire group after a weeks worth of hard work. Of course, we're all smiling because we just got paid on the spot...and Kohl's upped our rates because they were so pleased. The shows were a succes, Kohl's couldn't have been happier, and MTM has 25 models to be very proud of!

A Very Memorial Weekend

2006-05-30T12:55:00.000-05:00

This past holiday weekend brought some much needed family bonding time, as well as some not so much needed family bonding time. I'll get to that in a minute though.

Saturday, we went to the zoo (my favorite home away from home) and we took in the beautiful weather and the amazing sites of our rapidly expanding zoo.
Mr. Vinny and Miss Maddy even got to see some life size dinosaurs that are going to be visiting our zoo over the summer.

I always enjoy watching my children, or any child for that matter, completely engross themselves into a new and exciting environment. It's as though nothing else in the world matters, except for that fantastic moment they're living in. You can see it in their eyes and feel it in thier movement.

I wish that we, as adults, could feel that way again. Our job now, is only to help shape our childrens' awareness in order to make sure all of the wonderful experiences they take in as children, will still be within reach when they too, become adults.

I have to say, my favorite part was going for a ride on the carousel with Mr. Vin! Though he wasn't too happy when I told him we had to wait in line to take our turn on the carousel. Once we got on though, Vinny was ALL smiles, and so was I.

Our Not so much needed family bonding, came on Sunday when we traveled over to my father-in-law's home for his retirement party. Don't get me wrong now, the kids had a great time visiting with their "cousins" and I was happy that my father-in-law can better enjoy his life without the hassle of work. I do like my father-in-law, it's Kevin's step-mom and her kids that baffle my mind. This might sound terrible, but I'm convinced they hate me. The thing is, it's not only me, they rarely speak to Kevin or even to my sister-in-law Kim. I can get over any dislike for me, Que Serra Serra, but being anti-social with people that have been part of your "extended" family for over 20 years? -What the hell is up with that?

Oh well, family is family right?

Memorial Day Monday found Vinny and Maddy lounging by their pool and soaking up the rays. My little "plus size model" was less than thrilled when I took her out of the water.

And Vinny learned that if the ants don't get your stray food....Rex will. The dog might be 14, but the nose works like new! Later, we journeyed over to Kelly and Aaron's place, and Aaron showed us his grilling magic in a pair of stellar house slippers!

Of course, we took time to remember those this holiday came to celebrate. The soldiers, and veterans of the armed services who proudly fought, and continue to do so, to ensure our privileged ways of life. I thought of my grandpas, I thought about my brother Brian, who is in the Navy, and I thought about Kevin. I can't even begin to imagine how very much I'll miss him when (if) the time came for him to serve his country.

I also thought about my mom. It hit me Saturday afternoon when I remembered it was my mom's birthday. She would've been 55. So Memorial Day has many new meanings for me. It is a time for me to reflect on all of the things that I have, and know that none of it would've been possible if others hadn't sacrificed their lives for the better of our future. It is also a time for me to reconnect with the true meaning of sacrifice, and know that I am myself, a better person in the process.

And it is now a time for me as a wife and mother, to help create the memories that my family will carry with them for the rest of their days.

I hope your Memorial Day was memorable as well, the way it was meant to be.

Ex's with benefits

2006-05-25T13:27:00.000-05:00

I've recently listened to a podcast
(I won't mention whose, or where, as to avoid their getting big head syndrome) and one of the issues that was mentioned, was being friends with your ex.

Is is ok to remain friends with someone whom you've dated and have (probably) been intimate with, when you're no longer romanticlly involved?

What about when you and your ex have moved on (though some do while you're STILL dating)
Is it ok to "touch base" with an old flame if your paths cross?
Do you tell your new partner, or treat it as though it was any other old friend you ran into?

So many questions surround this issue, and I'd like to lay some of it out on the table in traditional Addy style. Which means I'll be getting comments from people with the numbers for marital counselors. Yeah, you can save that cotton candy for some other guppie.

I will say this right out and I will stand by my statement till the end of time.
I believe that there is NOTHING wrong with someone being able to re-connect with an individual from their past, if thier intention is to do nothing more than to see how they've been.
The catch is, that everything should line up appropriately, so as to not put yourself in a very delicate/dangerous situation. If your current significant other does not support the interaction, then you shouldn't do it.
I know some of you are probably fuming right now, and couldn't disagree with me more. And I'm sure they are the same bunch of people that know me personally!

Now, to be perfectly clear, I'm definitely NOT saying it's ok to lie and cheat on your partner with an ex. I'm big enough to admit that in my younger, "crazy" days, I've been on both sides of that web, and neither one is fun to be on when the shit hits the fan.
You'll always end up alone.

I'm simply saying, that I see no harm in a quick, "Hey how've you been? Are you still....Great. And your job is....wow, good for you!"

Though it is easier if you're single, as most things are, except the costs of living single. You are only bound to your own morals and decisions about communicating with an ex.
Well, what if you LIVE with your boyfriend or girlfriend? As unfortunate as it sounds...it's still only temporary. There's only two ways to go when you Co-habitate. You either make it permanent and legal and get married if that person means enough to you, or typically, one person decides marriage is not what they want and the co habitators go their separate ways. Then in fists of rage, the broken couple begin bar hopping again with their single friends or contacting their exs in a desperate attempt to once again feel "whole". Does that then make it ok to contact an ex, when you're trying to one-up or cause jealousy in someone who hurt you?

Understanding your circumstances is critical. I know couples that are totally cool with their significant others hanging out with people of the opposite sex. On the other hand, I also know couples (some married, some not) that can't even fathom the idea of their "better half" conversing with someone without their prior approval.

When you're married, I feel, running into an ex is MUCH easier than doing so when you're single. When you're married, all bets are off. You no longer live to only satisfy yourself. You made a promise to someone else to sustain them and prioritize their needs, most times above your own. If you still choose to engage in an extra marital relationship with an ex, or with anyone for that matter, it is a decision with ramifications most people are ill prepared to deal with.
I love the reaction I've gotten when I've run into some exs over these past few years that I've been married. And more importantly, had children. They're always like, "HEY!!!! How the heck are you!" all smiley and approachable. Then they see the BLING and idiotically ask, "Are you getting married?"
When I tell them that I AM married, the response never fails them. They look at me with sarcastic eyes and say, "AWE, and you didn't even invite Me!" to which I've replied,
"Well, I would've, but my husbands ex-wife brought a date, and that was our last chair."
Then the jaws drop when I tell them I'm a mom...of 2. See, it's great catching up, especially when I find they've done nothing more with their lives besides anxiously awaiting Summerfest each year.
I've been fortunate, I think, to have sustained a tolerable, friendly exchange with the men I was once involved with. Don't get ahead of yourselves, because there haven't been that many.

I'm what you would call a "lifer" in a relationship. I look for the best in that person, and slowly, as they start to screw me over, I always refer back to those redeeming qualities that attracted me to them initially, thus giving them chance after chance to make amends.
And once I'm no longer tied to them by the binds of a relationship, I hold no bitter grudges. It's a lot like once someone dies, you only have the best things to say about that person.

A perfect example of this, is an ex of mine, (and again, I won't name names). We dated for a few years, and he was controlling and jealous most times. Despite that, we always made each other laugh. After we went our separate ways, we occasionally went to a movie, or to grab a bite to eat and we were actually more compatible NOT being a couple. He wasn't a crazed psycho path anymore, and I could care less if he banged 12 shot girls in one night...because he wasn't coming home to me anymore!
Long story short, I still cross paths with him every now and again, as he works somewhere I do business. We're very friendly to one another, he always asks to see the latest pictures of my kids and I always come home and tell Kevin when I've seen my ex. It's never been a problem for my husband, yet I've heard whispers on the wind, that there are "others" who think less of me for engaging with such a cad. To them, I give the razberries, and tell them to resume sticking their heads in a hole, and keep pretending that these situations never occur.
De-Nile is not just a long river in Egypt.

The way I've always felt about matters of past relationships, ex's (meaning boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands and wives) and old flames: These people helped shape who we are. Better or worse, when you invite someone to share in your life, you take a little piece of that person with you. And that individual you share your life with presently, who loves you for who you are (hopefully) good and bad, through and through, has those past relationships partially to thank.
So how do I feel about Ex's with benefits (which is one step below friends with benefits, meaning, the ex's benefit is to be a friend. Deep. I know) again, I hate to get Dr. Philosophical here, but, if it's something you wouldn't feel comfortable doing right in front of your significant other, you shouldn't do it at all. But that rule applies to more than just ex's.

Gotcha thinking about your ex's now don't I?
Well why don'tcha get all stalkerish, look em' up on the net, give em' a call, and use me as the lame excuse for why you're calling!

God knows, I've been blamed for worse.

How does this work again?

2006-05-22T16:04:00.000-05:00

It's been so long since I've posted anything, I've almost forgotten how!

It's been busy as of late, in the world that is Addy.

No fears. I have lots of fun things to write about in the hopes that I can reel in some unsuspecting, desperate fish, with my propaganda and biased troll statements!

I'm laughing right now, in case you can't feel my sentiment ;)

I have to run in a minute though. The last big rehearsal is tonight, before the much anticipated Kohls fashion show tomorrow morning. Yes, I'll be snapping pictures in between runs when I can, so you'll be sure to have visuals to go with the absurd descriptions of the fashions we'll be modeling.

A little heads up ladies: The SKINNY JEAN is coming back in a big way for fall. I won't be wearing them, as they now fall into the catagory of "MOM JEANS" for someone like me.
The SKINNY JEAN is that pair of jeans that is fitted ALL the way down your leg, and then tapers IN at your ankle. Most people are lucky to get their feet through the opening, moreless squeeze into the rest of the pant.
I'm fine with my low rise, hip hugging, flares, thank you. I might be out of style, but at least my body will look proportioned.

Another big fashion trend that has been creeping it's way back into our closets, is anything from the 80's. I shit you not, one of the outfits I'm modeling, looks exactly like something Cindy Lauper wore in her "Girls Just Wanna' Have Fun" video back in '85.
Embarrassing to say the least...but extremely fun, just the way Cindy would want it. So if you haven't inventoried your wardrobe in the past 20 years, don't do it now, becuse your dusty, crusty, leggings are back in style!!!!

I'll be back to fill everyone in on the runway show after we've completed both shows this week.

I also have Volleyball updates, and a few other interesting tid bits to share, when I get a spare moment to spill my thoughts onto the web!

For now, I'm outtie. I gotta plug in my FLOCK OF SEAGULLS 8 track, so I can get in the right mindset for the fashion show!

Mothers Day in Review

2006-05-15T18:41:00.000-05:00

I had a wonderful mothers day. It was a little hectic at times, but hey, thats what motherhood is all about, right?

After a long day at work, on a Saturday, none-the-less, I rushed to Paulo's Pizzaria that evening to meet my family for my uncle Jim's birthday. See... even 60-something's still have pizza parties.
After a few hours of eating and visiting, I just needed to be home. When I walked in my house, I saw a stunning rose boquet arranged beautifully in the crystal vase Jeff and Jessica gave us when Kevin and I got married. There were two yellow roses (my favorite) to symbolize Vinny and Maddy, and one red, tye-dyed rose, from Kevin. Then they were accompanied by tulips and sunflowers. So pretty. Kevin had also hung up more of our family photos, and he found a perfect spot to hang my beloved lions head. No, it's not real. It looks like a statue, and I haven't seen it since long before we began remodeling our house. He got major brownie points, being that he found time to do that throughout the day. Granted, it's not like the house was clean or anything...but I totally understand, so that didn't matter to me one, single, bit. Then, Kevin and I stayed up late watching the movie, Monster-in-Law. Which we BOTH found very humorous.

It was just nice to be able to sit back, relax, and watch a movie without any interruptions. Of course, we had to do that at MIDNIGHT to be sucessfully "relaxed".

Sunday morning came rather quickly, as we needed to get ourselves and the kids all dressed up to go to the Silver Spring Country Club for the Mother's Day Brunch. We were meeting Kevin's mom, step dad, and his step dads family at the country club.
It's always an interesting experience, taking a toddler and pre-toddler (not an infant anymore, but not a full fledged toddler either) into a fancy restaurant. -Or ANY restaurant for that matter. Vinny got a major "shy bug" and clung to my leg like a bull dog in heat. Maddy is at that stage where she recognizes people, and those she doesn't...well, she's screams like a banchee when you try to hold her.

So the first trip I made to the buffet line, really had no rhyme or reason to what I was piling onto my platter. I had creamed cucumbers with french toast, roast beef topped with bacon and garlic mashed potatos with a side of pineapple. I was just trying to get whatever food I could, and get back to my table to soothe my crazy kids.

The food was amazing, when I got to enjoy it, but the best part of mothers day, was my gift.
I got, are you ready for this....ZOO TYCOON 2
I'm not much of a gamer (though I did participate in GenCon on a yearly basis until those bastards moved it out of Milwaukee) Zoo Tycoon is my ultimate favorite computer game. It's like Sim City, only you develop and maintain the zoo of your dreams! You're probably starting to see why I love it so.

Aaron and Kelly actually began my addiction with Zoo Tycoon. I think they bought it for me as a birthday gift. Later, Aaron got me the expansion pack, that includes Marine animals AND Dinosaurs. It totally rocks!

So now I have a new game to play, and no time to play it. Ya' see, this is not one of those games you can only play for 20 minutes or so. I've wasted HOURS, upon HOURS developing and caring for my animal friends. --Those damn chimps are never happy. That was also before I had kids, and my role as a girlfriend, and then a fiance, were merely to only look smokin' hot when Kevin came through the door, so we could shag like minks after he had a long day at work.
My, oh my, how times change.

Still, I had a wonderful mothers day. I'm blessed to have my crazy little family, and I'm looking forward to getting in some much needed Zoo Tycoonin'

Thanks baby! I love you!

I hope everyone else had a great mothers day! And for all of you schmucks that didn't get your mom a card or flowers....know this....there's a rail car on it's way to hell, and it's got your names on it! You'll be taking the seat next to a blog troll.

A Memory of Mom

2006-05-12T11:14:00.000-05:00

With Mother's Day approaching this Sunday, my thoughts have once again, shifted back to my mom. It will be 2 years this September, that she's been gone. Though I am a mom myself now, with a wonderful family for me to love, I still can't help but feel this void inside of me without my mom.

She and I never had that typical mother/daughter relationship. In fact, we never truly forged a "bond", a mutual understanding of one another, until I was in my early twenties. The relationships my mother had with my two brothers and me, was severely strained and lacked the loving guidance we needed, due to my mom's addiction to alcohol.
She began drinking at 16, and she never missed a chance to indulge herself. She was even pregnant with my brothers on her 21st birthday (they're fraternal twins) and many years later, she told me that she wasn't going to let the fact that she was pregnant, stop her from celebrating the big 21. I was a little surprised by that. So she became single mom, back living with her parents, working 2nd shift in a factory to support her two baby boys. My mom was lucky that my grandma was there to help care for Paul and Brian (my brothers) because their father wanted nothing to do with them.

After a few years, and one failed marriage (to another idiot who promised to take care of her and her young sons) my mom began dating this guy she knew from the local bar where all of the factory workers hung out after hours. He was quiet and polite, and many people actually joked around that he was gay, because he was really good looking, into weight lifting and football ...and was never seen with any women. The ladies gave him the nickname, "Pootchie" because they all wanted him as thier pet. It was the 70's, what can I say?
Well the rumors of "Pootchie's" sexuality were put to rest, when he began dating my mom. At that time, she was one of the only women who worked in a factory, but as soon as her time card was punched out for the day, she would let down her long, dark hair, throw on a mini and some heels and head to the bar. She actually began enjoying a new life separate from drinking as her relationship with "Pootchie" grew. He welcomed her two sons, and after a short while, "Pootchie" proposed to my mom. It was the first time she had been truly happy in a long time. Pootchie, whose name is really John, married my mom, and he became the man that would one day, be my father.

When my mom discovered that she was pregnant again, I guess she felt scared and trapped. She was a stay-at-home mom, and didn't want the same thing to happen with the father of this baby, that happened with her boys. Even if it was different this time, as she was married to the father of this baby. Not having yet told her husband that she was expecting, my mom first called her best girl friend Pat, and desperately sought her advice. I'm not sure of how the decision was made between the two of them, but somewhere along the line, my mom decided that the best thing to do, was to abort the pregnancy and not tell her husband, John.

Upon her visit to the abortion clinic, (again, this was the 70's shortly after Roe vs Wade) my mom, looking around the "clinic", thought that she stood a greater chance of getting an infection or disease from receiving the procedure, and decided that she couldn't go through with the abortion.
Fast forward a few months later to find my mom giving birth to me, on the couch none-the-less, at our home. Apparently, her labor was moving along too quickly to transport her to the hospital, so the paramedics delivered me from the comfort of our davenport.
(A side note on that: Remember when I wrote about "Precipitous labor" and how I had my kids in record time...apparently that trait is passed on to your children, so it then made more sense to me)
My dad was at work when the excitement erupted, and once again, my grandma was there to help keep my brothers calm, as they were 8 years old when I was being born. It was a wonderful gift for my dad, seeing as how he was going to celebrate his 40th birthday only three days after I entered the world. I was born on March 12th, he was born on the 15th.
Of course, he still didn't know what my mom had tried to do earlier. And even then, the doctor pulled my dad aside at the hospital we were taken to after I was born, and he told my dad to think about having the necessary tests done to ensure I wasn't born with fetal alcohol syndrome.

So here she was, a stay-at-home mom of three... two crazy, rambunctious 8 year-old-boys, and (I can only imagine) a screaming newborn baby girl. She then did, what most of us moms only fantasize about doing when the stresses of life get to us. She began drinking heavily throughout the day to help her, Cope, with the intense demands of motherhood. She hid beer in the basement behind the washer and dryer, or stashed her empty Pabst cans on the top shelf in the pantry until she could dispose of them without anyone becoming the wiser.
My dad knew better though. But he was working two jobs, 2nd and 3rd shift, just to make ends meet, and missed most of the daily activities of the household. A noble thing on his part, but in retrospect, only made my mom's drinking worse. My dad recalled times he would come home from work, only to find my mom passed out in the recliner, and I would be laying on the floor crying, as I had rolled off her lap in the absence of her conscienceness.
Her alcohol addiction tore their marriage apart. After countless arguments about money, childrearing, and unequal treatment, my parents got a divorce. I was two.

My mom then did the best she could to get herself together to care for her children. She really could no longer rely on her mother, and was only receiving child support for me, which was still enough to support our entire family. My mom would go through her phases of sobriety, while she worked as an aid in nursing homes. Caring for others was something that came so naturally for her, and she was so good at it. She gave her heart and soul to those elderly people, that at most times, had no one else. But once she resorted back to drinking, she would constantly call in to work and say that her kids were sick and so she couldn't make it in to work. When in actuality, it was a five year old little me that was making toast for lunch in an attempt to try and help get mommy off of the couch. When she finally returned back to work, she would come to find out that some of her favorite patients passed away while she was gone. She would come home and sob for hours, and then begin the vicious cycle of drowning her sorrows in alcohol again.

It wasn't always terrible though. She bought me my first bike. It was purple with silvery stars and it had a huge rainbow that stretched across the banana seat. My mom also taught me how to hula hoop. One day, she brought me this HUGE sky blue and white stripped hula hoop. It had little beans or something inside of it that made it "SWISH SWISH" when you used it. She called it, a "shoop shoop hula hoop". She even taught me tricks I could do with the hula hoop, like how to roll it on the ground, and make it come back to you, like a boomerang. Or how to hula hoop with several hoops that span all up and down your body. Some on your neck, your arms and your waist. To this day...I can out hula hoop anybody that crosses my dangerous path!

We did have some scary times where she would black out and my brothers had to call 911.
As my brothers grew older, they began to defy mom more and more, as most teens will do. She lost a lot of control over them once my grandpa died. He was the only male influence in Paul and Brian's lives, and it was devastating to my mom to loose her father. I think she lost a huge part of herself when we all lost grandpa. I was fortunate however, to still have the strong family bonds on my dad's side of the family. I can't tell you how much I anticipated seeing my dad and his family every other weekend. There were times that I didn't want to come back home.

When I was 8 or 9, my mom began dating Dan. She met Dan at bingo at St. Vincent's, the school I attended. He was called "Bingo Dan" (real original) and was the beloved, good time, polka dancing, bingo caller at St Vinny's. My mom volunteered her time twice a week, for the church, in order to get cheaper tuition for me to go to school. The week before I turned ten, my mom lined up me and my brothers in the living room and said we were going to move in with Dan.
I remember her saying, "It's not like you have to call him dad, but it sure as hell couldn't hurt." Paul and Brian and I just looked at each other in disbelief, and Paul (who is the loud mouth of us) said, "What the fuck are you talking about woman?!! Adrianne has a dad, and I'll be damned if Brian and I are gonna call that Polak dad, I've gone this long without one, I don't need one now!"
Paul and Brian were almost 18 and readily preparing to leave the nest, so any transition was going to be met with the utmost resistance.
Dan was also divorced, and had a son, Christopher, who was 3 years older than I.
I guess my mom and Dan thought that we'd get along well. They couldn't have been more wrong, but thats an entirely different post.

Living in Dan's home was the worst experience that I've ever encountered. My mom and Dan just enabled each other to drink, and drink and drink. Once my brothers turned 18, Brian joined the Navy to get as far away from our situation as possible, and Paul stayed close to try and scam where he could. But I was left alone, to deal with the escalating difficulties of two alcoholic adults, who were supposed to be parenting. Though it was traumatic and daunting most times, it helped shape who I am today. Also, I made a life long friend in Kelly. If it wasn't for her, and few other forgotten friends (Reuben, and Kari, Muffy and Rusty) I honestly don't believe I would've survived living there.
My mom did have moments of clarity, where, I assume, she began to rethink her decisions. But then it seemed she never could remain resolute in her decisions.

When I was 12, I decided that I was going to live with my dad. Things had gotten so awful living with my mom and Dan, even they knew this had to happen.
I'll never forget what my mom said to me as I packed up my last bag of priceless belongings (my stuffed animals) into my dads car. She said to me in her stern, deep voice,
"Don't think that we're going to have this, every other week visitation bullshit. You're gone, Goodbye, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out kid."

I didn't see or speak to her for 6 months.

After that, I saw her and called occasionally. Most times I knew I would have to call before 2:30 in the afternoon, because once Dan got home from work, they would hightail it to the bar where they would hole up until the wee hours of the morning.

As I got older, I could see how her health was rapidly deteriorating. She would tend bar for her own spending money, but mostly, it was so she and Dan could drink for free. When I turned 21, I went into the bar to go see her, which is what I had to do for years before then. My mom gave me a card with some cash, but something was different about this card.

She included a hand written note on a separate piece of paper. I've been searching for this note lately, and while I've found the card, the note is still missing. She stated in the letter, that she was proud of me for the accomplishments I made in my life, despite her lack of mothering to me. She apologized for not doing a better job with her only daughter, and she regretted the hell I had gone through because of her decisions. It was the first time she'd ever apologized to me for anything. From that night on, I had a new appreciation for her.

A few years later, when I told my mom that Kevin and I were getting married, and more over, that we were expecting a baby, she was very happy for us.
She was as about as involved as she could be, because by this time, she had already been through a severe detox in ICU and had what the doctors evaluated as "wet brain syndrome". She couldn't even move around well without the help of a cane. She reluctantly attended the bridal shower and mandatory parties, though she never felt comfortable in front of anyone anymore, except under the dark lights of the tavern, with her "REAL" friends. We picked out a nice dress for her for the wedding, and she even fought with me to pay for my wedding dress. A dress that I had loved for YEARS before, and opted against it, because of it's price. She said that she had money set aside just for this occasion, and if thats the dress I wanted, she was going to be the one to buy it.

On my wedding day, I think mom was more nervous than me, but she smiled in the pictures, and lit the unity candle with Kevin's mother, and danced to the special Neil Diamond song I requested for her and Dan. As I said in a previous post, my mom LOVED LOVED Neil, and passed it along to me as well. I think my wedding was one of the last few times I saw her smile.

There were a few more smiles she shed when she got to meet and hold Vinny after he was born. She was now a grandmother by all three of her children. She felt her mission was complete.

On Saturday, September 11th of 2004, I was doing a Partylite show in the near vicinity of the bar that my mom and Dan went to. I decided to stop in and let her know that I was, once again, expecting a baby... and only 7 months after having Vinny. She replied with a signature mom phrase of, "Holy shit girl! He doesn't waste any time does he? Did Kevin even let you sleep before he jumped your bones?"
She then added her well wishes and motherly advice for me, "Well, I hope you have a girl, because then you'll be done and you can get your tubes tied. And maybe you'll have twins like me and really be up shit creek!"
She really meant those things in a loving way, but they would sound harsh to the outside ear. Kinda like the way I write on my blog!
She gave me a hug and told me to pass along the congratulations to Kevin on his further conquest of her daughter. If I had known that would be the last time I would see her truly alive, maybe I would've said something else besides, "Bye Ma!"

A week later, on September 18th, I received a call from my brother, Paul. He told me that mom was in ICU at St Francis Hospital and that she was going to die. I was like, "WHAT?!! What the hell is going on?!!" Paul continued to tell me that mom had a massive brain aneurysm that basically popped and she wasn't expected to live more than a day.
I was so confused and overwhelmed. I knew that this was going to happen sooner or later, but you're never fully prepared when it does. Kevin insisted that he go with me to the hospital, and so we then had to take Vinny with too. When I walked into her room in the ICU, she had a breathing tube in her mouth and wires strung out from all over her now frail, and discolored body.
Kevin didn't stay long, as we didn't want Vinny to be exposed to germs and sickness. I remember Kevin even got a little choked up. As he was getting ready to leave and was holding Vinny, he leaned over and began to cry as he told Vinny to, "Say goodbye to grandma".
I, of course stayed, as I knew Dan and my brother Paul were also there, but must have been on a smoke break.
With the few minutes of alone time I had with mom, I walked over to her bedside and held her hand, which was nice and warm. I just started talking to her,
"Hey ma', it's Adrianne. Kevin and Mr. Vinny were just here to see you. Vinny is getting so big, I'm sure he'll be a lineman for Green Bay just like you predicted." I was able to hold back my tears...
And then my emotion's took over.
"I just can't believe this mom, you're suppose to be the person who introduces Vinny to Neil Diamond, and helps teach my daughter how to iron better than her mommy, by letting her practice on handkerchiefs and dish towels. You're not supposed to be giving up now."

And then the doctor came in with Dan and Paul. He explained to me that my mom had a massive aneurysm the ruptured in her brain, and that was inoperable due to the amount of blood that had covered her brain. There was nothing they could do at this point. He said she was still breathing over the machines, but would remain in this coma-like state. I hate how they try and give this glimmer of hope to people, whom they know, will hang on to any indication of a positive outcome.
"Just keep talking to her, chances are, she can hear you. Some people can remain in a state of stability with the assistance of the respirator and an IV. We are also giving her medicine to keep her blood pressure down."
I thought, "For what?" They've already said that she isn't going to last, and my mom always said she'd rather check out versus being kept alive by machines. She hated it when she saw her patients at the nursing home like that.
Dan was in a state of frantics and shock. He reeked of beer and cigarettes, and couldn't sit still for two minutes. Though I just had to ask Dan what the hell happened that this came to be.

Dan told me that they were at the bar Friday evening (of course) and mom was complaining of having a headache and wanted some tylenol. My mom HATED taking meds too, even tylenol, so I knew it must have been bad for her. He continued on to say that at around 10 pm, mom said she wanted to go home. He helped her in the car and only a few blocks from home, Dan said my mom slumped over and began vomiting. By the time he was able to attend to her, she was unconscious and he wasn't even able to get her out of the car. He called 911 and by the time the ambulance got there, and transported her to the hospital, she had already been legally dead for over 7 minutes. Obviously, they were able to restart her heart, and that brought us to her current state.

I made phone calls to her friends and our family. My dad even came to see her. After their divorce, they had a few times of momentary romance, where they would exchange a kiss or warm embrace. But it was just never in the cards for them to get back together. My dad couldn't do that to himself anymore. Though when my dad actually saw my mom, laying lifelessly in an ICU bed, I know it was too much for him to take, though I knew he wouldn't allow himself to break down then and there. He asked if we needed anything to eat, but no one was really ready to eat yet (even a 3 month prego me, that normally ate every 30 minutes or so)
Dad offered his thoughts and prayers to Dan, Paul and me, and told me to call him in the morning.
The next 24 hours were the most exhausting and emotionally challenging things I had ever been through. Dan, Paul and I were discussing what we should do. We basically came to the conclusion that if she didn't pass on her own, through the night, we would remove her from life support in the morning. We contacted the chaplain and had them give my mom her last rites. That was a really, really difficult moment for me. I just couldn't stop crying. My mom wasn't the most religious person, but thats what she would've done for any one else.

I managed to sleep for a few hours in the family waiting room, on the most uncomfortable pleather loveseat, but even that felt refreshing compared to what I'd just been through.
I knew I had to eat something because I wasn't prepared to put my tummy dweller, on a hunger strike.
After eating, I went in to check on mom. The nurses said that she was no longer breathing on her own and her heart rate and blood pressure were becoming erratic. The doctor confirmed that the ruptured aneurysm blood, must finally be reaching her brain stem, where many of the deep set functions are controlled. In turn, this would cause dramatic changes in her heart functions. One minute, it would look like her heart was beating normally, the next, it would drop to less than 30 beats per minute. The doctor performed one last MRI to confirm that there was no longer any brain activity.
We knew what we had to do.
We alerted the doctor and said that we were ready to remove her from life support. Dan couldn't stand to be in the room, so Paul and I stayed.

Paul and I were on either side of her, holding her hands when the nurse gently removed the breathing tube. She told us not to be alarmed if we heard a gasping sound. Something I saw as a medical practicioner going into "science mode" instead of thinking of the morality of it all.
The silence from the machines being turned off was nice; but scary, because I think both Paul and I thought we would hear her breathe, but there was nothing.
She just laid there, very peacefully, and we spoke softly to her and told mom we loved her.
After a few minutes, the nurses came back in and said we could stay as long as we wanted.
(which really means, "Get movin' because we need this room for the next poor sucker")
Paul stepped out of the room, and I was once again left alone with my mom. I told her that I forgave her for everything, and that I knew she did the best she could raising me. I promised her that I would see her again some day, and that I'd miss her until then.
And I do.

Though my mom cut her life short due to her addictions,(she was 53) she still had a great appreciation for many of the little things in life. She loved the feeling of an open window on a spring day. She would always say "how pretty" it was outside. She also loved thunderstorms and once stood outside and just, watched, while a tornado made it's way through her community. She loved owls and dogs, and would do just about anything for an animal. She loved to cook, and her meals were typically enough to feed Poxy's Army. Then she would complain about how many left overs there were! My mom loved Christmas, and though she tried to play it gruff for many years, her face always lit up at the sight of a well decorated tree. And though, later in life, she was merely content with the idea of wearing her Harley T-shirts, Wrangler Jeans and Easy Spirit shoes, she still enjoyed getting "gussied up " as she called it, (even if she did bitch and moan about it the entire time), and feeling like a beautiful woman.
And she was, she really, really was.
Though she didn't get to be here (in person) when my second child was born, she did get her wish and I had a girl. Little Miss Madison! And ironically enough, Madison was baptized on the one year anniversary of my mom's death. Life it seems, does come full circle.

Why did I need to share all of this with anyone who had the time or desire to read it? I guess it's part of my healing process. I think I'm a better person for having the mother that I did. She wasn't a terrible person, she just never got the help she so desperately needed to save her own life. So we ALL suffered with her.
I know I'll be a better mother as well, in spite of it. Though I've heard that some think I'm too wild to be a mom. a statement I think is very humorous, as I've never been drunk in my entire life...no lie. Would you if your mom had the track record mine did???
I'm already hardwired to become an alcoholic, and thats not something I want to inherit from my mom.
I feel if my story can help anyone that may be going through the beginning process of alcoholism, or for the family that has to deal with an alcoholic...if my story can be of any assistance to help open their eyes to the reality of a life without the dependency of alcohol, then my mom did not die in vane.

Understanding People, I'm trying

2006-05-10T23:49:00.000-05:00

In light of that fact that I have been bickerring with someone, who I would consider to be a good friend, lately, about the true intent of my words on this blog... I've been inspired to post one of the most difficult activities I've ever taken part in, to see where a person's true intentions lie.

When I went to MATC, this assignment was given to our speech class. What it has to do with speech, I'm still not sure?. What it DID do however, was open our eyes to what it really means to understand others, and not just pre-judge from what little you may or may not know about an individual. This was after 9/11 so the atmosphere around this assignment was very serious. Almost too serious. It is meant to be a worksheet for coming to a consensus within a group of varied beliefs, opinions and walks of life. So it was perfect for MATC, otherwise known as
Milwaukee's Area Tribunal Counsel.
If you're a fan of the show Unanimous, 24, Survivor or even LOST, you'll probably enjoy this activity. Or even if you just enjoy playing Devil's advocate.
It has stayed with me ever since that speech class and I've just now found it on the web after a dozen or so word searches.
***By the way, my group never came to an ultimate unanimous decision. Rather, some of us "broke the rules" and gave in, for the better of our grades.
If you would like to post your top 4 picks in the comment box, I would enjoy seeing your thought process in critical descision making.
I will list MY top 4 picks (that to this day, still remain the same) after I've given other people the chance to fairly look within themselves, instead of trying to challenge my ideals.
Enjoy!

“Airplane Hostages”

Instructions:
A plane has been hijacked! The hijackers offer to release four passengers to the U.S. embassy. In return for this gesture, the government of a neutral country will agree to allow the plane to land at its airport and refuel.
The captors insist, however, that U.S. authorities select the four to be released from the following list. The President has given your group the job of making the selection. If you do not select the people, the hijackers are perfectly willing to allow the plane to run out of gas and crash, killing all passengers. You must reach a decision by consensus, and you must do so within the next half hour.
You may assume the terrorists are honest about releasing those who are chosen to be released. You do not know what will happen to those who remain on the plane, but given what is known about this particular terrorist group, you expect most or all of the remaining hostages probably will die.
Quickly rank the following passengers in the order in which you would choose them to be released. In the column titled “Your rank,” place the number 1 by the hostage you would save first, the number 2 by the one you would save second, and so on through number 8, the hostage you would save last.

Hostages Your Rank

1. Brenda Jones, age 27, has three children by three different fathers, none of whom she has married. She loves her children, however, and has resolved to get her life together for the children’s sake. Her mother is caring for them so Brenda can attend a six-week training program for women who lack job skills.

2. Fr. John O’Brien, 65 years old, is in excellent health. A Roman Catholic priest, he has dedicated his life to working with the poor in an inner-city ghetto. He is taking this flight to arrange for funding and personnel that will enable him to set up a program to carry on his life’s work after he becomes unable to work. Should he die at this time, the work probably will end.

3. Juan Garcia is 45. He has a history of heart trouble and might not survive the stress of a prolonged hostage situation. He is a wealthy businessman whose estate would easily provide for his wife and three young children, even if he should die in the hijacking. His business, however, which has employed and given dignity to many Hispanic people, probably would fold without his vision and drive, putting many people out of work who will not be able to find jobs

4. Elijah Brown is 52. He did time in jail for armed robbery. Since his release two years ago, he has worked hard, gone to school part time, and supported his invalid wife and youngest child (the only one remaining at home). There would be no money to provide for his family in the event of his death.

5. Betsy Bates, 29, is a well-known and successful model. Married a little over a year to rock star Duke, she has just found out that she is pregnant, a discovery she views with mixed feelings.

6. Congresswoman Jan Perkins is 47. Widowed young, when her husband died in the crash of an Air Force plane while on a diplomatic mission for the State Department, she has devoted her life to politics. She has been an effective and eloquent worker for peace and for the rights of women and minorities. Her death would be a crushing emotional blow to her elderly parents, though she has provided for them financially in her will. Perkins is widely seen as the most likely candidate for the first woman President of the United States.

7. D. B. Calhoun is 43. Little is known about him, except that he is a very bigoted person with an unstable employment history. He reads Soldier of Fortune and similar magazines, and dreams about being a mercenary. It is quite possible that he will try some hostile action against the hijackers and ruin any chance of getting the remaining hostages out alive.

8. Andrea Ohms, at 19, is already a distinguished pianist, having started performing professionally at age 8. Her performances give immense pleasure to thousands of people around the world. She is engaged to be married.

THE RULES

Your task is to reach a consensus ranking of the four hostages to be released by the terrorists. This means that the ranking for each of the four should be agreed upon by each member of the group before it becomes part of the group decision. Here are some guidelines to use in reaching consensus.

1. Don’t argue stubbornly for your own point of view just because it is yours. (An emotion that greatly exists in the blogosphere) Listen to other members of the group and be willing to change your views on the basis of reason and logic.

2. On the other hand, don’t change your mind simply to avoid disagreement. Seek differences of opinion and try to get every member involved in the decision-making process. The more information you have, the better chance you will have of making a sound decision.
3. Avoid such techniques as majority vote, averaging, flipping coins, and bargaining

So who would YOU choose? Some of them seem like "no brainers" but you would be surprised at how many people have deep set prejudices they don't even know about. Others hold the belief of "Don't judge me until you walk a mile in my shoes"

I love projects like these, because it really helps someone to better see who they are.

This is my attempt to live up to the TROLLING I've been described as doing. With something like this, I encourage everyone to participate.

And you thought photo copying your ass was bad...

2006-05-06T22:41:00.000-05:00

Sometimes the warning is worse than the consequence.

Thanks Kelly!

So, What did you do all day?

2006-05-06T15:00:00.000-05:00

That phrase must be on countless medical files as the "CAUSE OF DEATH" for husbands who chose those toxic words, when they arrogantly combined that constellation of letters in the English Alphabet.

When you ask a Stay-At-Home Mom what she did all day, delivered in conjunction with a negative undertone and a disapproving glare, this is basically how it's translated to her:

"You lazy, ugly, bitch. I'm out, working my ass off all day for a shitty boss, at a shitty job, making shitty money, only to come home to a shitty house, eat a half-assed dinner and have to put up with these shitty kids- that you can't seem to train, because you're too busy fantasizing about how to spend my paycheck each week. I'd tell you to do something with yourself because you look like hell, but I know that will only encourage your over spending habits, and put me farther into a financial fuck hole. I'd rather put a pistol in my mouth versus having to spend one more second trying to exist in this so-called home. I bet I could find a $5.00 whore that could do a better job at keeping this dive livable. You're laundry detergent makes me itch, your cooking sucks major ass, these damn kids are outta' control, and I absolutely can't stand your feeble attempts at decorating, it just costs me more time and money to fix. I'll be at Super 8 with a voodoo woman named Phyllis until you can get your shit together, you pathetic excuse for a wife."

And then the kicker:

"My mom was right about you."

Maybe dramatic, but thats what is conveyed when the phrase "What did you do all day?" drips off of the forked tongues of unknowing men. Kevin has only made the mistake of muttering those words to me on very rare occasions. And yet, he tries to put a positive spin on it, by delivering his message in a chipper voice and with a smile:
"So sweetie, what did you do today?"
That's just one way clever men attempt to delay their inevitable demise at the hands of a woman, whom they thought once loved them.
When in actuality, if we were to have someone come into our homes and document every moment of our "uneventful days", the asinine question of what we did all day, would no longer hold its validity.
I'm in the process of documenting such a day and posting it here for all to observe. It may not be epic, but I'll be damned if you have enough time to take a shit (at least not without an audience of toddlers and pets) moreless donning stillettos, red lipstick and a matching G-string to look "presentable" for your beau on his return to the homefront.

My rant spawns not from any recent encounter with my lawfully wedded companion. Rather, I read a recent post over at one of my favorite places, "Where am I going and why am I in this handbasket?" and was further inspired to publish my feelings, when Mama Tulip wrote
A Letter to her Husband

Be on the look out for: My Day In Print, the Agony, the Ecstasy and the BonBons I wish I could afford.

Men...You Can't live with em', You can't live, you just can't

2006-05-05T23:23:00.000-05:00

So my husband and I got into a bit of a tiff early this evening over the fact that neither I, nor our children were home when he returned home after a long days work.

My friend Kelly came over, and we decided to do a little shopping with my kids
(which is neither fun nor easy most times, so God Bless her soul)
We didn't leave the house until after 4:00, and I knew that my kids wouldn't last long in any store, so I didn't anticipate being gone for hours and hours.
Well, when Kevin got home, I'm sure the first thing he noticed was that the minivan was gone, and in its place was Kellys car, whose exhaust is fucking obnoxious even when the key is out of the ignition.

A typical man would rejoice with a resounding squeak and precede over to the couch where he would engage in viewing his favorite porn in the privacy of his own kingdom. Of course he would watch it in fast forward, not wanting to be caught, still in slight fear of the inevitable return of his family.

Oh no, not my husband. He is excessively preoccupied with possessing the knowledge of our whereabouts at all times.
His reasoning: "When you don't come home, at least I'll know where to tell the cops you were last."
Well that's positively reassuring honey. Thank you for that abundance of loving concern.
Now I know the swarms of arrogant, unattractive men would say, "Your husband seems controlling darlin'" and that couldn't be farther from the truth.

I guess I was just a little insensitive to the fact of how important it is to Kevin for me to keep him abreast of our family activities, especially when he's not involved in them.
To my credit, I did try calling him 3 times to let him know I was at WalMart with Kelly and the kids, and that I would be home soon. For whatever reason, my calls weren't going through within the evil confines that is WalMart. I figured, it's a 5 minute drive from WalMart to my house, why call him now once we're in the car?
Thats the rationality of a woman. Men share that same rationality, say, when they're at a bar with their buddies, and they have to choose between calling home and having their wives or significant others KNOW that they're completely smashed OR they can have one more beer and begin the journey home...then telling the woman that they drove "extra" careful and took side streets so they wouldn't get pulled over, and thats what took so long.

After Kelly left and made her journey home to Aaron,
(which I can only guess interrupts Aaron's train of blogging) Kevin laid into me about not letting him know where we were, and not calling, or leaving a note on the fridge.....yada yada yada...holy shit dude....its good to see you too....happy cinco de mayo shitty kitty.
I really had no argument except that I did try calling him a few times.

Well, that just set the mood for the rest of our evening. I wouldn't normally even write about this...but it pisses me off SO much when it happens. I have a way of looking at things like this though: Is it going to be something that will still make your blood boil 3 years from now? Or will it be forgotten long before then? Will you lose sleep at night worrying about how to rectify the situation? Or will watching a movie and having make up sex clear the air? Though there was no movie or make up sex involved; to me, I felt it was one of those things that too, shall pass. I need to ensure that I am more vigilant with giving Papa Bear the 411 on the rest of his pack, because this is not the first time he's flipped out about it. But damn fellas'........ ease up.

Kevin was preparing to once again, head out for his once a month guard drill, and I was getting the distinct feeling that he was leaving tonight versus early Saturday morning, as he normally does. I knew this because he was loading up my beetle bug with his duffel bag and uniform and he was still in his street clothes instead of his comfy old house clothes...being the super sleuth I am, I put 2 and 2 together. But I still had to do the typical woman thing,
I asked him: "So are you leaving tonight then?"
He replied: "Yes, I've got alot to get done before I start tomorrow morning"
I just looked at him and nodded. I'm sure part of it was that he was still slightly pissed at me.

Thats ok. I'd rather miss the idea of him, rather than have him here, and be shitty.
Everything will be better on Sunday.

Men. What can I say.

I love you baby.

Cinco de Crappo

2006-05-05T22:02:00.000-05:00

I'm surprised at the lack of blogs spreading the holiday cheer for Cinco De Mayo. The only people encouraging the festivities around here are Corona and Tostito's.

I'm not going to get into the history of Cinco De Mayo, because it really doesn't matter. I'm not trying to appear biggoted, because most Mexicans can't even tell you what Cinco De Mayo is all about.

I grew up on the South side of Milwaukee, which quickly became the central hub for anyone whose first (and only) language was Spanish. It got so bad in fact, that the local bank on 16th and Mitchell had a sign for their customers specifying which tellers spoke ENGLISH. And just a side note about 16th Street...it's name was changed to Ceasar E Chavez Blvd. For what, you ask?
I couldn't say.

Don't get me wrong, I have many friends that are of Latin/Spanish/Mexican heritage, and make sure not to confuse any of those for one of the other, cause they'll kill ya'

I just never agreed with the mentality that people should be allowed to break the laws of this country, in order to demonstrate and celebrate their independance in another country.
I've seen some low ridin' Monte Carlo's with Mexican flags drapped over them, running red lights and blaring thier horns (that play La Cucaracha) as though they're participating in a New Orleans funeral. I've witnessed drunken hermanos stumbling through Mitchell Park in their cowboy boots and matching sombrerros, shooting off El Pistolas. What's worse, is that it's next to the Mitchell Park Domes, which is one of the only greenhouse conservatory sites of its kind, composing of 3 large glass "domes" (hence the name...duhh) and their unloading some extra rounds only a few yards away! That kinda' sends a confusing message when they're donning a huge gold amulet with Our Lady of Guadalupe on it.

If they really want to remind themselves of what Cinco De Mayo is all about, they should pool their money together, that they would normally wire back to Mexico, and buy a few hundred round trip tickets to Spain or even better- France, and there, do a million man mexican hat dance on Napolean's grave. Thats where the focus needs to be reshifted in order for the future generations of Mexicans to be able to truley embrace their heritage. Not by teaching their kids that it's ceremonial tradition to tie the mexican flag around their shoulders and parade around the halls of their high school's like the test tube offspring of Superman and Speedy Gonzales.

I'm sure Bush has seen his share of gun slinging compadres, being that Texas has become one of the first staging points for most " new immigrants". And I'm sure that during his stay in the Governor's office, Bush had many of them cook up his favorite Southwest dishes, otherwise he would threaten them with execution.

"Don't push me Paco, I've already fried half of you buggers today, don't make me flip that switch agian amigo! Now, go cook me a chimichanga ya' beaner"

!Feliz Cinco De Mayo!

I know that first exclaimation point is supposed to be upside down. Maybe the mexicans should protest to Bill Gates to create a special key with an upside down exclaimation point so their sentiments will be carried out appropriately.

Doyle's Oil Cap Petition, guess who signed up?

2006-05-03T10:58:00.000-05:00

Governor Doyle Launches Petition with State of Michigan to Cap Excessive Oil Profits and Also Calls for Repeal of $10 Billion in Oil and Gas Tax Subsidies

Governor Doyle today launched a joint petition with the state of Michigan that urges the President and Congress to cap the excessive profits of oil companies. Governor Doyle also urged Congress and the President to repeal $10 billion in taxpayer subsidies to oil and gas companies.

The Governor feels regular people need real relief and the only way to do it is to find a way to cap the outrageous profits of oil companies.

Doyle is asking every family in Wisconsin who is getting squeezed by these ridiculous prices to go to www.lowergasprices.wi.gov and sign a petition.

"We need to send a clear message to Washington and to the boardrooms of big oil that these excessive profits have got to stop.”

So, as I was signing my dads name on the petition, as he was the one who brought it to my attention....I found the list of registered petitioners and you'll NEVER guess who I recognized on the good governor's list...

Subject to Change author, and self proclaimed conservative, Aaron K reel em' in. Thats right, Aaron agrees with governor Jim Doyle in his actions to call out Georgy and his petroleum pals, Exxon Mobil Corp., Chevron Corp. and ConocoPhillips.

It appears that "whole party prejudice" no longer exhists in Aaron's world.
Aaron's valor inspired me, moved me, shook me even. So I, also decided to sign up on Governor Doyle's petition to the Pessimist, I mean the President. Pardon me.
And in Aaron's selfless action to truley look out for the well being of Americans, I've decided to put him back on my sidebar. After all, what would Cheers have been without Cliff, what would Family Matters have been without Erkel, what would Lavirn & Shirly be with only Lenny and no Squiggy.

Welcome home Aaron. The Prodigal Son Returns.

Beach Volleyball 2006

2006-05-03T09:10:00.000-05:00

Tonights the night! Our team will once again, take to the sand and ruthlessly compete against various other teams of sextuplet-lumberjack-lesbians, powder puff, booty short clad blondes, and the "others", who have no athletic ability whatsoever, but engage in this sport for sheer recreation and for free beer and pizza.

"What is this sport you speak of Addy?"

In case you missed the self explainatory title of this post, I'm talking about none-other-than, beach volleyball. You may have read some of my past ramblings about our volleyball team, and how we struggled to find a rhythem within the team. Well there are two differences between then and now.

Difference Number 1: When we played in October, that was indoor court volleyball, my personal favorite...and it is also more organized and competitive.
Difference number 2: It seems that people are in better spirits motivationally, when it comes to beach volleyball. I know I am. It could be that I'm just more competitive indoors, and I wig out easier when we're getting our asses handed to us. Outdoors, you're enjoying the weather, and (at least the league we're in) most people aren't out for blood.

Though beach volleyball begins (here) in May....and May in Wisconsin can be tricky. Some pansies come ready to play in snow pants, boots, and hoodies. I say pish posh to that shit. Most times, I'll be there barefoot, in spandex and my t shirt...thats the only way to play.

Unless you go with true beach volleyball attire and dress to impress, like Olympic Gold Medalists, Kerri Walsh and Misty May. Straight bikinis baby! Yeah, not our team. We're much too self aware for that craziness.

Below: That would be me, looking very star struck (and fat) next to the 6'3" beach beauty and World Volleyball Champ, Kerri Walsh, at the AVP championships last September in Chi town.
Maybe I should give her a call and see if she can sub for us??? She said she would! ;) She also probably thought I was talking about the "special olympics"!

Anyhoo, our Team name is, "Serves You Right" and I'm going to post weekly updates on our progress, triumphs and deafeats alike. Hopefully, this season, there will be more triumphs than defeats.

Later bloggers. I gotta go stretch.

Very sandily yours,

Addy

Bring On the Catwalk: Part 2

2006-04-28T14:21:00.000-05:00

Well, the fashion show was a raving success! I had a great time, and I got the opportunity to meet many wonderful people in the process. I couldn't snap too many pictures due to rehearsals and generally getting prepared for showtime. There was, however, a photographer that was everywhere throughout the show, and I was promised I'd receive copies of her work.

I did manage to get a group picture with the models I was working with that day. There were others in different sections of the show, but they weren't nearly as cool as our group! ;)

Pictured below: Our garment rack/changing area. If we pooled of all the shoes together and pawned em'...I could pay off my house and have some money left over to buy back one of the rhinestones that fell off my stilletto's.

They really were a great bunch. I've worked with all but one of the girls on previous occasions. The woman in the lime-green print dress was a great friend and patron of GIGI's boutique (which means that she-or her husband- is LOADED $$$) and I'd never met her before Wednesday's show. She was really sweet though!

At least I didn't feel like the senior citizen in this fashion show. Which is funny, because our audience primarily consisted of baby boomers and older, Red Hat Society Members, and I think I even recognized a few Dancing Grannies while I was working the runway!

I was also made to wear the most expensive pair of sunglasses that will never be on my face again. They were a phenomenal pair of Fendi's and the stylist grabbed my arm as I was scurrying off to take my place in line, as I was next up on stage.

She said, (in a very tall, sexy, blonde, Russian way), "I vant you to take the glasses off halfvay down de' runvay, jus don't drop zem beautiful...they cost $800.00"

And here, I bitch at my husband for buying a pair Oakley's that cost 150 bucks...of course, he always manages to lose them too! I was very careful with my borrowed pair of Fendi's, and though I did take them off on stage, I don't remember doing it, and I don't remember how I hung onto them either. No harm, no foul, right?

A "local" celebrity was also modeling in the fashion show for fundraising purposes. Mark Baden, Cheif Meteorologist (and cutie) at WISN Channel 12 News, was happy to don a very Orange, spring-like suit in the "Tribute to Aida" fashion show.

FYI: I saw him changing between runs...very nice, Mr. Weatherman! Very nice Indeed!

My favorite garment by far, was the one I wore in the finale (pictured above). I wanted to strike a deal with GIGI's on it, so I could wear it for my sister-in-laws wedding in Jamaica. There are currently only two of these dresses that the designer has made, and I was told I would be given a 10% discount if I purchased it. Though, I just can't rationalize paying more for my dress than I will for my plane ticket and lodging in Jamaica. But hey, the dress is still cheaper than the sunglasses!

When I recieve the professional pics, you can bet I'll have them up here for you to poke fun of!

Bring on the Catwalk baby!

2006-04-25T16:46:00.000-05:00

After a l---o---n---g weekend of celebrating both, my husband's birthday and our daughter's birthday, I've recouped just enough to shift gears back into my frame of mind for work.

Sounds exciting, I know.

Though I am excited about the runway show I'm modeling in tomorrow. This particular runway show is to showcase the latest designs carried by GIGI's of Mequon
The event is going to be held at the Bradley Pavillion, in conjunction with the Performing Arts Center (PAC). The show itself is entitled, The Florentine Opera Club's, "Three Sopranos Sing Into Spring" Fashion Show Luncheon with Tribute to "AIDA"
Sorry to disappoint you men, but I don't think Tony will be one of the Sopranos who will be preforming either.

I feel bad saying I don't know who AIDA is, but if what I was designated to wear in the show,
are AIDA designs...then I'm a new fan, because the garments are absolutely amazing!

I'll try and snap some pics in between runs and I'll post them up here for you vulchers tomorrow.
If you're in the area and would like to take in a fashion show and see your favorite blogger (me) in full-on runway action, go here and click on "events" for ticket information.
Wish me Luck...it's been a while since I've been in front of a couple hundred people staring at me. Of course, besides on my blog, that is.

Happy Birthday Madison!

2006-04-19T09:14:00.001-05:00

Try to look at this post like the "E TRUE HOLLYWOOD" Stories. First hand accounts, with factual information spread throughout. Granted, most of you won't be interested in educating yourselves about the day my daughter was born, but it was important for me to document this on her first birthday. So you're welcome to comment on my story if you'd like or share your own experiences if you prefer. It's not often that I do the "mommy blog" stuff, only when it really holds special value to me. The following is a shining example of that sentiment.

At this very moment (9 am), 365 days ago, I was at West Allis Memorial in the Woman's Pavillion preparing to meet my daughter for the first time. I already knew she was rambunctious and had big feet from the way she was kicking me inside.

April 19th was the estimated due date that Dr. Caldwell had given us, which made sense because it meant Kevin and I had sex around our Anniversary. Go figure.
As my due date fast approached, I wanted to make damn sure this baby didn't pull any
"over due" tricks on me.
It's bad enough my bills are always over due, my kids don't have that kind of clout yet. With Vinny, his due date was November 17th and he was born on the 22nd, of June. Just kidding, I wanted to see if you were paying attention. With the 1st baby, they say they won't let you go anymore than 2 weeks past your due date before they induce you.
What does it mean to induce labor?
If your labor hasn't started on its own, your practitioner can use certain techniques to bring on (or "induce") contractions. She can use some of the same procedures to augment, or speed up, your labor if you stop progressing for some reason. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control, about one in five births in the United States is induced.
Well 2 weeks was TOO long for me to wait for Mr. Vinny, so I reluctantly agreed to give Vin 5 more days before I evicted his ass. As it turned out, I needed to be induced anyway cause Vinny was a no show. All Dr. Caldwell had to do was assist in breaking my water.
• Rupturing the membranes.
If your cervix is at least a few centimeters dilated, your practitioner can insert a small, plastic hooked instrument into it and break your bag of waters. This procedure causes no more discomfort than a vaginal exam. If your cervix is very ripe and ready for labor, there's a small chance that this alone might be enough to get your contractions going. If that doesn't happen, your practitioner will give you the drug oxytocin (Pitocin) through an IV. Once your water has broken, most practitioners will want you to deliver within the next 12 to 24 hours because the risk of infection for you and your baby increases over time.
Yeah, 12-24 hours my tail feathers! Vinny was born approximately 60 minutes later. Start to finish, 5 full pushes, 3 half pushes...don't ask me what the difference is cause it all feels the same.
So after that, Addy was diagnosed with having a condition known as "Precipitous labor"
Precipitous Labor
What is it?
A labor that is less than 3 hours from start of contractions through birth. (yeah, thats me!)
How Common is it?
Probably less than 5% of births (I do not have exact statistics). The rates for first time moms are much lower than the rates for women who have given birth before. (didn't stop me!)
Why is it a problem?
Emotionally stressful for the family: (No, not for family, for ME)panic, fear, sense of being out of control. Intense contractions can be very painful (YEAAAHH), and there’s often no time for medication (Thanks for that info NOW).
Some risk of damage to the baby’s head (Vinny had a cone head)and to the mother’s perineum. (Yes. And we'll just leave that one alone)
What can you do to help prevent it?
Cocaine use is clearly associated with precipitous labor. (Thats new to me, and NO I don't do crack) Poor nutrition might be associated.(ok I can vouch for that one)
Beyond those, it appears to be a combination of anatomical issues: small babies,
(Vinny was 8lbs 2oz, 22 in long, hardly small) large bony pelvises(guilty as charged), or soft, pliable genital tissue.
What can you do about it? (RUN! RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!)
If your labor begins with very rapid, intense contractions that cannot be managed with comfort techniques, call your caregiver. Go to the hospital immediately. Whenever possible, lie on your side, rather than standing or sitting.
If you feel your body pushing and you cannot stop it,(WHICH I DID) or if you or your partner can see the baby’s head at the vaginal opening,(Which he did) call 911 and request assistance and advice.
Now that you're up to date on all of my medical conditions, lets get you up to speed with Miss Madison's big debut. Ok, so we've already concluded that my body has a hard time wanting to go into labor (smart body) but once it does, there's no stopping it. And the fact that it's extremely painful and fast doesn't give me much of a window for pain management, meaning The Epidural.
What is an Epidural?
A needle is placed between the vertebrae into a space called an epidural space. Medication is then placed into this space. A small catheter is then threaded through the needle into the space and the needle withdrawn. The catheter is left in placed and taped so that it does not move. You can then be given a continuous small amount of medication or be given a bolus dose when you begin to have pain. An epidural relaxes the pelvic muscles and the nerves are bathed in the local anesthetic medication which causes an insensitivity to pain. You will still feel the pressure of the contractions and the urge to push. After the baby is born, the catheter is removed.

With Vinny, by the time the idiot Anesthesiologist got there and was ready to insert the largest needle I've ever seen, directly into my spine (which I was totally cool with by that point and believe me I HATE, HATE needles) Kevin barely had enough time to cower and hide in the corner, because I then TOLD everyone the baby was coming. They didn't believe me, until they looked down and SAW Mr. Vinny looking like, I can only imagine, Jack Nicholson in THE SHINING..."HERE'S JOHNNY!"
Vinny beat the doctors to his own delivery, we shouldn't have had to pay for them! We even had to pay for the god damn epidural that I wasn't given!

I heard the nurse say, "Dr. Caldwell is 15 min out".
"Well, Thats too long!" The other paniced nurse shouted, "This baby is right here"
"The back up Dr. is on his way in 5 minutes, ok sweetie" the nurse tried to calm me down when she looked to be more nervous than I.
The "back up Dr." just doesn't sound comforting to begin with, but it didn't matter. Osama could've been in that room and the only thing I would've wanted him to do was catch. Vinny also beat the back up doc, so kudos to him! And he pee'd on the nurse. Hee hee.

So here I am, going into round 2, less than a year- and- a-half later with all of this knowledge. I was terrified because I knew what was going to happen.

Though with Madison, the estimated due date was April 19th and Dr. Caldwell was a good enough man to say, "Why wait! Come in on the 19th and you'll have your baby". He too, already knew what to expect, so this time, he only went down the hallway of labor and delivery, so he wouldn't be late for this birth too. The primary nurse with us that day was also skeptical of my speedy deliveries. She seemed to be one of those nurses whose seen it all, with the gray bun on her head to prove her experience. I thought to myself, "Lady, I'm not like Mr. McFeely, I AM Mrs. McFeely"- "SPEEDY DELIVERY!" You get it??? Mr. McFeely... the postman... on Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood? He would always say "Speedy Delivery!" God you people are pathetic.

So Doctor Caldwell, once again, broke my water, no pitocin needed, he then left the room and waited at the nurses station for the show to begin. Meanwhile, our doubting head nurse was asking me to rate my pain on a scale of 1-10 (1 being little to no pain, 10 being the finger of God) I said I was about a 3. I was actually like a 1, but I knew if I said that, she would want to make me wait longer for the epidural, when I KNEW things were going to change very rapidly. She asked if I wanted a...and before she could finish, I jumped in and said, "yesIwantanepidural!!!" She said she would alert the anesthesiologist, and left the room.

We also had a student nurse in the room with us, observing a "normal birth" for credit in her class. She was very nice and concerned. By the book, would be a good way to describe her because she had no other experience. Well, the head nurse left, and approximately 5 minutes later, terrible contractions came on, and only the student nurse was in the room. She ran out to get help, leaving Kevin to be my coach. He really was great, both times. He did learn that when I'm feeling extreme pain or sickness, I don't like to be touched-at all, and he reinforced those rules when Madison was being born.
When the nurses did come to my aid, they talked me through my contraction and let me know when it was subsiding, as they can monitor them with a machine. No disrespect to technology, but I could fuckin' tell when one was comming on or subsiding. The student nurse gently rubbed my leg and whispered that I was doing a great job. Kevin politely intervened and said "Uh, she doesn't like to be touched." I felt a kinda' bad, but Kevin was really helping me as I didn't have the energy to say it myself.
I did manage to mutter to Kevin for him to find out where Epidural man was hiding, as I didn't think I had much time left before Madison was busting out of her cocoon.
We were assured that I would recieve the epidural very soon. My contractions became VERY strong and less than a minute apart when the drug dealer of my dreams waltzed through the door. As I was struggling through the pain of my child wedging her way through my pelvic cavity, "Dr. Quinn" was attempting to explain to me, the potential down sides to this medication.
"You'll lose feeling from the waist down and may not regain it for several hours, making it impossible to get up"
"If the neural sac is punctured, you may become paralyzed and...."

YES YES YES....just plug the shit in my back!
By the time he was done jabbering, Maddy decided it was time to check out of hotel mama, so ONCE AGAIN, Addy went Au' Natural with child birth. 2 for 2!
The head nurse couldn't believe it as she checked me only to find that, just like Vinny had, Maddy was comin' ---ready or not. She ran over to the intercom and was franticly pushing the red button to alert the nurses desk where Dr Caldwell was waiting.
"Dr Caldwell! Dr. Caldwell! We need you NOW! Dr. Caldwell!" Even in my anguish, I had to laugh at the sight of her on that intercom. Dr. Caldwell came into the room with this calm look on his face, looked down at my crowning daughter, and said with a smile, "You're doing great Adrianne, you don't even need me here!"
"Great" I sighed.
About 5 or 6 pushes later, Miss Madison had made her way into this world. Her first great battle in this life, and it only took her 40 minutes to conquer! When the other nurses rushed Madison away to clean her off and take her stats, the head nurse looked over at Dr. Caldwell, who was still tending to me, and she shook her head and said,
"Well Scott (Dr. Caldwell) you were right, that was precipitous labor!"

He just looked at her and grinned, "I know, I told you so!"

Madison was 7lbs 11oz (lucky 7 11) and 20 in long.
She was born at 10:11 am (my water broke at 9:40 am)
It was kinda funny for that student nurse though...when her instructor came in to check on how "mom was doing with labor", she entered the room to find me holding Madison, all bundled up, and the room had already been cleared of excess monitors and staff. "What's going on?" She thought she was in the wrong delivery room. The student explained that she didn't even get enough notes because it went so fast. The instructor looked at me and said, "You still look great, your make up is perfect and you're not even sweating?!!"
I replied, "Well I knew my husband would take embarrassing pictures, so I wanted to be prepared."
The instructor looked at her student and told her that she shouldn't get use to experiences like this one because they don't happen often. Well, little girls like Madison don't come around often either.

One year. It goes by in an instant.

Happy Birthday Baby.

Breaking up with Stormtroopers is hard to do.

2006-04-18T23:45:00.000-05:00

I've just taken my last trip over to Subject 2 Change. It appears my comments are not welcome in Aarons narrow sighted world. Sure, I still love him to death, but we can agree to disagree that he's become a blog snob. It's like high school again. And I never chose sides, I peacefully co-exhisted with nerds, jocks, gang bangers, hootchies, potheads and virgins.
Aaron has become the stereotypical story of, "I was a nerdy freshman, but now I'm a cool junior" set to blogger standards.
Don't get me wrong, he's still my friend outside of this place. His wit and humor is enlightening to me. He's always welcome in my home and in my life, but until I'm allowed to speak my mind openly in his fixed forum arena (whether the comments are slightly irrelevant or not) I will not give him any more publicity or traffic. And I know he's used to seeing my name on his stat counter at least 10-12 times a day!
The last thing I will, however, mention about him, is for his most recent post where you will notice a large Storm Trooper's Head, and it's pink none-the-less, that sticks out on his blog like a sore thumb.

I was curious, so I clicked on the link Aaron provided that was supposed to explain why he'd elected to post a pink storm trooper so proudly on his site. I understand the nerd factor, hell, that's me too, but why now?
The link took me to none-other-than, The Spotted Horse 2. A well known and well followed blog, and was also Aaron's last guest on his podcast show.

*A little side note about that podcast just for the record: This time, Jenna interacted, asked good questions, did not sound as though she was hacking up a hairball into the mic, and wasn't nearly as breathy as she had been in past podcasts. It seems constructive critism has won the day again!

Anyhoo, back to the Spotted Horse 2.

Chris' explaination of the Storm Trooper dealt with the fact of letting "outsiders" know what they're all about. Chris wanted:

"outstate Repubicans (to) see what its like to be a

SouthEast Wisconsin Conservative Stormtrooper"

He then went on to say,

"First you must understand who we

brain dead storm trooper are ruled by"

Where as Chris had a pic of Darth Vader displayed and he further explained,

"We soldiers of the empire call him Lord Vader

you outstate republicans can call him Charlie Sykes"

Then I started to get a little nervous. I know it was somewhat of a joke to combat against some other republican idiots that were bashing our WI GOP supporters fair ways of life...but comparing Sykes to Vader? Do you think that will help good ol' Charlie's career?

In an attempt to unify Wisconsin rightie's that are so far right on the map, they're really Rhode Island, Chris urged all those in agreeance with him to support the cause,

"If you are a SE Wisconsin Conservative Stormtrooper

put this Helmet on your sidebar as a flag to our outstate friends."

So thats where Aaron's inspiration came from to post the Storm Trooper on his blog.

While I can't say that I'm a SE Wisconsin Conservative Stormtrooper, I do encourage the act of showing other states that we unify together to show support of our fellow statesmen, even if we do not share that same ideals.

So with that said, I'd like to introduce you to my new representative, "Ja-Hut".

That's what he goes by these days. Ya' know, Like Ja' Rule

Certainly not a good guy, because there are no good guys in politics, but also not as bad as Vader. I look at it this way, if I follow Jabba, I'll get to keep my left hand, or shall we say "wing" and the slave outfit isn't so bad either. Carrie sure can't wear it any more after

Episode III. You know how I have a thing for those mafia types anyway.

As for Aaron, I can get all of the updates on his blog when his girlfriend calls me to bitch about him! Its a win-win situation! Taking his place on my sidebar until a peaceful resolution can be created between Aaron and me, is a very fitting stand-in. One of which will remain on my sidebar for a long time to come. Let's give it up for... WHAT LIBERAL BIAS?

Welcome to my blog!

Non-violent protest on fellow bloggers. Thats why this thing was created right?

Love ya' Aaron! I hope to hear from you soon!

Easter Bunny Busted for Brawlin'

2006-04-18T15:39:00.000-05:00

I heard about this story today while on my way to work. Bob & Brian (102.9 The Hog) have a way of making my heart happy with their informative stories, so I wanted to spread the easter cheer with all of you.

APRIL 17--A Florida mall dispute ended Saturday night with the arrest of the Easter Bunny on battery charges. The rambunctious rabbit (aka Arthur McClure, 22) was nabbed after he allegedly struck a mall visitor who beefed about the early closure of a photo line on which kids and parents waited for a snapshot with the cuddly character. According to Fort Myers Police Department reports, patron Erin Johansson complained to the Easter Bunny's assistant (Crystal Frechette, 25) and the two women began to argue. That's when Frechette (who's married to McClure) allegedly punched Johansson in the face. At that point, the report notes, the 280-pound McClure removed his costume's head and joined the fray, clocking Johansson in the back of her head. McClure and Frechette, pictured below in Lee County Sheriff's Office mug shots, were each charged with two misdemeanors for their alleged roles in the brawl. McClure's occupation is listed as "Easter Bunny" on the arrest report, which also notes that he has a bear head tattooed on his right arm.
Story curtosy of The Smoking Gun

Now let me get this straight, someone HIRED these two pieces of trailor trash, and entrusted them with the authority to handle our children?!?!

I think there should've been some additional arrests made on the management at the mall in Florida.

Because no bunny suit in the world could make this sap sucker cute and cuddly.

You don't gnome me!

2006-04-17T16:52:00.000-05:00

This little garden gnome comes to us curtosy of Johnny Dangerously. Johnny thought it would be nifty to utilize his dual degree's in electrical engineering and computer science to import a rather strange picture of my big mug onto this cheeky gnome. It's supposed to represent the garden gnome that will travel with us on our trip to vegas this July.
He requested that I share this with all of you on my blog, so here it is. I have to admit, my ass looks better cast in resin.

To once again quote the timeless lyrical prodigy, Sir Mix-A-Lot:
"Gnomie got back!"

Addy's hot tubin' infomercial part 2

2006-04-14T08:20:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm back to fill you in on the post that, I'm sure, left you on the edge of your seats. On Tuesday, I wrote about an informercial I'm going to be in for Neutrogena's new line of body care products.

Tuesday began with me in a hot tub...just as I had promised.
I originally thought it was going to be an "outdoor" hot tub shot. You know, me, maybe a few girlfriends or one hot male model and a glass of bubbly (I mean my husband when I say hot male model... yeah, thats what I mean) But what it turned out to be... was me, in this hot tub that belonged to the woman that owned this BEAUTIFUL home in Pewaukee, and it was meant to look like I'm indulging myself in this luxurious bubble bath. Which meant I had to look like I was naked. I was a little anxious at first, being that I had my bikini top pulled down so far that it wasn't really a "Top" anymore. There were two camera guys on the set and luckily they made me feel comfortable. I then had to "act" like I was enjoying myself and caress my arms and elbows with the bountiful mounds of bubbles. I can say that there have been times where I've been slightly more uncomfortable, like when I gave birth...but hopefully my face won't convey my nerves. I did sink into my element quickly though and finished up the rest of the scenes with confidance.

Then yesterday, I was asked to return to film more scenes for the infomercial. One of the scenes in particular made me more nervous than the hot tub. I had to repeatidly wash my face over and over, demonstrating the "exfoliating power" of some weird double sided, face scrubby pad thingy. After about 9 takes, the scrubby pad began to irritate my skin and it looked like I was breaking out, so I'm sure thats going to look super dooper on a wide screen TV.

All turned out well in the end. My elbows are silky soft, cuticles are moisturized, pores are clean and my T-Zone is balanced. Is was the perfect day at the spa, only I was being recorded by strange white men and being watched by a group of complete strangers! It was a great time.

The Infomercial itself is said to air on the LIFETIME CHANNEL, you know, television for women. So most men know that by simply tuning into the Lifetime channel, your testicles will shrivel up and fall off, only to hit the floor and shatter into a cloud of dust. So I don't have to worry about perverts peepin' on Addy.
I'm sure it will be on between the hours of 11pm and 3 am so program your T-VO to record all the shit you only watch when you're binge drinking or working 3rd shift at Webbs...cause that's where I'll be.
When I find out more, I'll be sure to share the info!

View a new preview here!!!

It's Tax Time!

2006-04-13T12:19:00.000-05:00

Does your noggin swell and throb when you try to grasp where all of our tax dollars are going?

This clip from a newspaper (and no, it's not The Onion) can help to explain this quiery:

THIS YEAR U.S.

CITIZENS WILL

DOLE OUT ALMOST

50% OF EACH

TAX DOLLAR FOR WAR,

OR $429 BILLION FOR

PAST MILITARY

EXPENSES, $563 BILLION

FOR CURRENT MILITARY

EXPENSES AND

AN ESTIMATED $100 BILLION FOR

WARS ON IRAQ AND AFGHANISTAN

And to think I was excited to get back $500 bucks!

Happy Birthday to my April Homiez!

2006-04-13T10:04:00.000-05:00

Go Aries, it's yer birfday! Go Taurus, It's yer birfday!, it's yer birfday it's yer birfday!

I thought it would just be easier to combine all of my friends birthday's into one ginormic post, otherwise I'd have to write one practically every damn day just to keep up.

First, Danno kicks off the month of April. Danno was born on a bright April morning before time was being recorded, but I bet we can find some Dead Sea Scrolls that might help us peg a definite date of birth.

Then, Johnny takes the reigns and runs away with being the only friend of mine that had his early April birthday honored with the right to dress like a large meat product bound in an intestinal casing.

Kelly defines the middle of the month when she graced this planet with her exhistance. I'm sure her mom thought she could get out of paying taxes that year if she said she was in the hospital having a stupid baby.

Only 2 days after Kelly celebrates another trip around the sun, my little girl Madison will experience one the most significant birthdays she'll never remember, besides her 21st of cousre. Madison will be 1!!!!

And Finally, another 2 days after we celebrate my baby girls birthday, my wonderful husband, Kevin, will celebrate another year he's greatful to have me!
(I'm kidding honey, I know you're not greatful)
I wasn't able to give him much last year... because I was still in the hospital after so generously giving birth to his second child. Well, at least this year I can give him a quicky if I'm too broke to buy him something.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
I LIVE IN A ZOO
VINNY THINKS HE'S A MONKEY
AND MADDY GRUNTS LIKE ONE TOO!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GUYS! MUCH LUV FROM ADDY!

Addy's on a roll, IMAGINE THAT!

2006-04-12T14:22:00.000-05:00

The video above is a creative audio mashup of our fearless leader singing John Lennon's "Imagine That"

This is about as much of a political statement as I'm allowed to make without giving away my
"G-14 classified" identity.

This video gave me more trouble to post than I had anticipated, so I'll leave this at the top of my blog and you'll just have to scroll down for new daily posts.

Prince Harry may be deployed to Iraq

2006-04-12T09:30:00.000-05:00

London - Britain's royal family turned out in force on Wednesday to watch Prince Harry, widely known as the "royals' wild child," graduating as an officer from the elite Sandhurst military academy.

Prince Harry, known for his party lifestyle, weakness for girls and clashes with intruding photographers, is due to join the Blues and Royals, a regiment of the Household Cavalry, after his graduation.

One of his senior commanders, Major General Sebastian Roberts, said on Wednesday it was "eminently possible" that Harry could find himself serving in Iraq or Afghanistan within 12 months.

Harry, in an interview marking his 21st birthday last September, has made it clear that
he wants to "fight for his country" like any other soldier.

He is expected to become troop commander of an armoured reconnaissance unit in Dorset, south-west Britain, which will almost certainly mean that he would be sent into action at some point.

Well, if one of the leading contenders to the throne of England is good enough to have his prissy ass sent over to Iraq or Afghanny, and his family supports that, why not the Bush twins? Or at least Jenna, Since shes the more manly of the two.

And they say Prince Harry is a wild child! She's a twig off the old Bush

More useless info on Prince Harry here

Broke Back Debt Clock

2006-04-12T08:39:00.000-05:00

In three years, the "National Debt Clock," an electronic billboard in Manhattan that continually flashes the growing national debt, won't have enough digits to do the job.

The debt now stands at $8.3 trillion and will hit $10 trillion in 2009,

but the sign can flash only up to $9,999,999,999,999.

new york times

Thank you Mr Bush for your contribution to our country!!!

Now my great-great-great grandchildren will have something

to remember him by.

My source? None other than The Daily Nooz

Addy's Hot Tubin' Infomercial

2006-04-11T15:14:00.000-05:00

Rub a dub dub, Addy's in a hot tub for a Neutrogena Infomercial!!!

Check back later for details, I've gotta go dry off.

Click here for a preview

PS... turn up the sound for maximum results

Puss & Boobs

2006-04-08T22:30:00.000-05:00

We're all familiar with the feline fairytale character, Puss in Boots, right?
Well meet "Puss" and "Boobs".
Hopefully the pervs aren't too disappointed when thier google search brings them here!

Just enough cleavage to be funny. Dats' the way I likes it.

Boobs of Interest

2006-04-07T23:29:00.000-05:00

Since there seemed to be SO much commotion over the fact that I posted a photo of my assets on my own blog, I thought I'd take a cue from the Mayor and post some other rackage for you to guess who these belong to. Scroll down to reveal who our mystery bra model is.

No, it's not a celebrity.

And NO, it's not me when I was breast feeding.

Actually, I think you might be pleasantly surprised with the results. Or you may be even more disgusted with me, at which point I'd say,
"screw you and the little wooden boat you floated in on"

This is one of those "things" every little boy prays their mom will forget about once they're old enough to want to get laid. Poor little bugga'

And WHO put that kiss mark there?!? Yucky.

What's more important are the involvement of the scissors and that wooden spoon? Hmmm...

but he does fill out that B cup well!

Canadian Obsession?

2006-04-07T09:05:00.000-05:00

One of my new favorite places to visit, is a blog entitled
Where am I going and why am I in ths Handbasket? You've probably seen it on my sidebar as I was compelled to add it the first day I ran into "Mama Tulip".

I think I'm developing some sort of OCD for Canadians, as it turns out that my favorite new blog also originates from our neighbor to the North. First, of course was Mitchieville, and we all know that story by now. Though Mama Tulip's blog does not differ that greatly from the "toungue-in-cheek" stylings that I love about the Mayors place, their topics of interest couldn't be farther apart.

The latest post on ,"Where am I going and why am I in this handbasket?" deals with Mama Tulip's darling daughter, getting into special lotion. It's MORE than worth taking a glimpse! I've been impressed with her site each time I visit, which is anytime I enter the blogosphere. I relate to her because I too, suffer the pains and celebrate the joys of motherhood right along with her. But even if you're NOT a mama, you'll enjoy her insight and humor.

If you are contimplating having children, both of these comically genieus blogs will steer you to your appropriate path in life. To be fair, The Mayor of Mitchieville also has children he talks about from time to time (when he's not posting pictures of other peoples trunkage or rackage) and he makes sure to address which ones are legitimate so there's no confusion to his cherished readers.

Bringing people together, thats my middle name

2006-04-06T15:02:00.000-05:00

I just had a wonderful conversation with my great friend Kelly. We got a chance to catch up and to vent about life, as we have done for the past 15 years we've known each other.

Kelly told me that her beau, who is also the creative mind behind the blog, Subject 2 Change, none-other-than Mr. Aaron himself, had a very intriguing guest on his latest podcast interview. I had not yet "plugged into" this form of blogging, as I've just barely mastered posting links on my blog. I didn't feel I was technologiclly prepared to deal with the aftermath of physically speaking to people. Though, Once I heard that Aaron's guest was The Mayor of Mitchieville my ears were open to this experience.
I was now obsessed with the mere idea of hearing the Mayor tear apart the ways of our simple country, as he so elloquently does from the comfort of his Maple Leaf Tower in the sky.

I don't want to ruin the rest of the 47 minutes of fun this podcast encompuses, but let me put it this way; A disgruntled, sarcastic ( and hilliariuos btw) Canadian, claming to be the Mayor of his town, is being asked "mature" questions by an electrical engineer whose only other passion in life besides blogging...is watching Red Dwarf. Oh! And Jenna is there to commentate giggles and oh yeah, theres also a few great parts where she coughs into the mic.

To give credit where credit is due, I've already let Aaron know that if it wasn't for me stumbling into Mitchieville when I was just a green, virgin, blogger...he probably never would've met him either. Once again, my innocence brings inquisitive hearts together.
---Much like posting my boobage on my own blog!

Whats that you say? You haven't seen the drama that unfolded when
Addy found Canada plotting to attack the states???? Oh yes my blogheads, the air was thick with distain when the Mayor and his cabinet unloaded their piercing words dripping with maple syrup, all over my harmless blog.

AND WE'VE BEEN PALS EVER SINCE!!!!! Thats True comradery on an intercontinental level!

Now, go over to Aaron's place and meet the Mayor!

What Muppet Would I Be?

2006-04-04T10:00:00.000-05:00

I Love the Muppets. In fact, whenever I'm asked what the greatest invention of our time has been, I look no further than the genieus of Frank Oz and Mr. Jim Henson. Have you ever wondered what muppet you're most like? Especially since most of you might already look like a one of the lovable band of muppets.

I took the test and I've got to tell you, I was a little surprised with the results. I'm a science nerd, I've already told you that, but I was honored to be put into the same catagory with Dr. Bunsen Honeydew. It made sense when I thought about it though. Kevin is like my Beaker, always following me around the house, squeaking at me and all of the things I should be doing...."me!me!me!me!me!"

You Are Dr. Bunsen Honeydew

You take the title "mad scientist" to the extreme -with very scary things coming out of your lab.And you've invented some pretty cool things, from a banana sharpener to a robot politician.But while you're busy turning gold into cottage cheese, you need to watch out for poor little Beaker!"Oh, that's very naughty, Beaker! Now you eat these paper clips this minute."

Take the Muppet Personality Test

Dropping ass has never been easier with this invention

2006-03-30T09:36:00.000-06:00

If you're going to poot, poot into this.

The Maddy Hatter

2006-03-29T11:31:00.000-06:00

How many hats could a mad hatter wear if a maddy could wear mad hats?

To make up for the delightfully sinister post I had written earlier, I decided to post some cutsie, cutsie pictures of Miss Maddy modeling several of her hats in an attempt to win over your hearts again.

She's so cute it makes me sick, and shes my kid! You gotta love her.

What a ham.

Brainstorming for Microsoft

2006-03-29T09:11:00.000-06:00

I've devised the perfect program that will allow Microsoft to appeal to a WIDER DEMOGRAPHIC, pursay.

This newest installation of Microsoft Word will convert any languge to ebonics or hip hop with just a touch of ANY of these keys: !**%#&@
It also performs opposite duty, reconfiguring any 40oz jive talk, into professional, ledgible, literacy.

No longer will the words "Beeyatch", "drawz", "funna'", "dawgz" or "boyz" be underlined, implying misspelling or improper grammar.
Also, when the user selects the "help" key, one of hip hops beloved artists pops up on the screen drive-by style, to assist their hommiez with any obsticle associated with thier
"Compton Composition"

Microsoft WORD. has been given rave reviews by the NCAA and by the Ebonics for Truth foundation.

So the next time you need to spit yo' lyrics hype, do it with Microsoft Word...
O I may jus' bust a cap in yo' ass. Word.

Size Matters for Fit Models

2006-03-28T09:39:00.000-06:00

Remember way back when I told you that I was a "fit model" for Kohls?
No? Whats that you say? You could care less about my worthless exhistance. I knew you paid attention!

Well, my husband sent me this story about another professional Fit Model, and her explaination may better help you to understand this complex, intricate and fragile world that is fit modeling.

Just the fact the story's headline is "Size Matters" says it all. Good thing my husband caught on to that too.

My fit modeling career has actually been put on ice, as "my thighs are 2 inches too small". Not my words, it's what the designers told me. I guess it was bittersweet for me because the fact that I was losing weight made me giggle like a little girl inside, but it also meant that I didn't keep up my end of the bargain with this nationwide distributor of clothing.

So I'll have to rush out to Kohl's to buy any and all of Candie's brand designer clothing before April 30th because those items will be the last garments that will be produced exactly to my body measurements.

After I begin playing volleyball again (in May, thank Guddah) I will be remeasured to see if my thighs have gained more muscle, hence more gerth. Maybe then I can resume my position as "THE CANDIES FIT MODEL"
For now, I'll enjoy my small thighs...as will my husband!

Forget LIVE blogging!

2006-03-24T23:55:00.000-06:00

In an effort to unite bloggers everywhere, I've arranged for a meet-and-greet in Madison where I'll be giving away cash and prizes to all who attend!

Not really. I can't back that up.

BUT, I will be at the Wal-Mart in Madison on Saturday promoting Dove's New premium line of hair care products! OOOOHHHH! AHHHHH!
Come on by and mention that you're a blogger and I'll give you
2 free samples!
Thats right, I said 2 FREE samples of Dove Hair Care Products~but you must act tomorrow between the hours of 11 and 6 as quantities are limited to the first 250 lucky Wal-Mart shoppers! Again, Thats the Madison Wal-Mart located at
7202 Watts Road, Madison Wi, 53719

Did I mention that I get a cash bonus if enough people spend $$$ while I'm there. No worries, I've got nothin' but love for my fellow bloggers. I'll split it with ya's!

Not a fan of Wal-Marts everyday low prices and sweat shop ways? Well, You'll have a second chance to meet Addy the blogger and the legend, at Wauwatosa's own, Mayfair Mall on Sunday!
I'll be giving out FREE $10.00 gift cards with the Mouse himself, MICKEY, at Mayfair's Disney Store. Bring the kiddies and shop till you drop, but not before meeting this blogger live and in person!

It's late. I've seen too many infomercials. I hate my life.

Missing Boys Still a Mystery

2006-03-24T15:11:00.000-06:00

I'm usually not the kind to re-report info like this, my blog isn't nearly updated enough to carry that kind of clout. However, this story is nationwide and is really strange. There is a woman on our local tv stations right now, asking those individuals that they believe are out there, to come forward with the information they know. The FBI is working closely with our local law enforcement to ensure the recovery of these two boys.
They are 11 and 12 and have been missing for five days now. They were last seen on Sunday, March 19th.
More info here

No child should have to go through this.

Effin' Noodles & Company

2006-03-24T12:47:00.000-06:00

I have absolutely no energy to do anything today. Which is why I've had a spare hour to blog (shhh! we'll just tell my husband I was dusting his tv)

It's this food poisoning hang over I'm positive I got from a dish I had at Noodles & Company yesterday. Let me take you back...

Once in a great while, I will go somewhere other than Burger King for my lunch break. I work in Brookfield and BK is right across the street, tasty AND convenient! I always get shit from the people I work with because of our occupations of dealing in the modeling industry.

"How can you eat that?!!"
"Do you know how many calories are in there?"
"A moment on the lips, an eternity on the hips honey"
"Don't let your students see you eating that, because they surely can't"

Blah blah friggity blah!
So I decided to treat myself with a little pasta dish I've become fond of at Noodles & Company. And this way, everyone would get off of my ass about my food chioces. I took my food to go and noticed when I got back to the agency, that my pasta had chicken in it. Thats fine, but I didn't pay for chicken. *At Noodles & Company, all you get is noodles. Chicken is extra, beef is extra, shrimp is extra, spice is extra, the air you breathe is extra inside Noodles & Company.
SO I looked at it as a lucky lunch day. I only ate about half of it when my hunger faded. It just didn't taste the same this time. I went back to work, recruiting Wisconsin's most sought after beauty and talent for an upcomming elite fashion show to raise money for the Boys and Girls clubs
(a very near and dear foundation to me, I'll be in it!)
All of a sudden, I became dizzy and broke out in a cold sweat. Pam, my boss and agent, looked at me and asked if I was ok. I didn't know. I brushed it off and tried to concentrate on the task at hand, but then, my stomach was struck with such pain, I knew something bad was about to happen.
Honestly, I have not felt cramping, stomach pain like that, since I was passing another human through my pelvic cavity. Really, it was THAT bad.

Pam went to get me some water and by the time she gave it to me, I knew I was going to puke. I cannot stand vomitting! I know, you're thinking,
"Well who the hell enjoys it?" I know people that can puke on a daily basis and be ok with the fact that they're going to do it again tomorrow. Those people would probably also enjoy chewing glass tainted with TB for all I know. I was lucky enough that I didn't get that sick when I was prego with my kids, if I had, there probably wouldn't be two of them to talk about!
I rushed into the bathroom, where there is only one stall, held my hair back and waited for the worst. I didn't have to wait long. My body heaved back and out came Noodles & Company in a very, impressionistic style. All swirled together in that once gleaming white toilet bowl. Then it happened again, and again. It was horrible.
After I cleaned myself up, as well as the toilet, I tried to put a light hearted, sarcastic spin on things, as I normally do. I walked back into my office where Pam sat waiting, all doe eyed and concerned.
I said, "Well, now it's official, here I am throwing up my lunch in the bathroom of the modeling agency I work for. Is there a model call tonight my body's warning me about?"
Pam, of course, just laughed.

The plague subsided, but Pam wanted me to wait until I felt better to attempt to drive home in the snow. I was ok the entire way home, until I got within a block of my house.
Has that ever happened to you? Your brain subliminally tells your body you're almost home and that you can now relax. Then all of a sudden you feel like you really have to pee or shit? Isn't that crazy?
Well, I barely made it through the door before the second wave of Noodles & Company struck again. My dad, anxiously waiting for me to get home, after being stuck with my two little terrors of children, didn't even have time to give me the re-cap of their day. I ran through the door, threw my things on the floor, tripped over my elderly labrador
(yee haw, that ryhmed!) and plummeted down to the "basement bathroom". Thats when you know it's bad. My husband always goes down there, so at least there's magazines and air freshener.
After the Angel of Death passed over my house, I resurfaced to greet my kids and explain to my dad that I surely thought I was dying. If it wasn't for the fact that I have my *problem (*see period) I would otherwise be convinced I was pregnant again. Then heads would really roll.

So I am now boycotting Noodles & Company for their neglegence of serving me with toxic chicken. Burger King has NEVER done me wrong and I whole heartidly apologize to them for doubting their exquisite menu. I saved the half of the pasta I couldn't finish and I am enlisting in the services of CSI to help me resolve this pasta problematica.
If anyone else has experienced violent vomitting or assplosions from Noodles & Company cusine, my prayers are with you in your time of need.
Focus groups are now forming.

Addy's Friends of the Day: Revisited

2006-03-24T09:22:00.000-06:00

I've began to notice that there are more people visiting my disturbing little blog these days. I'm not sure that makes it any better though. What I wanted to do, was give those individuals a chance to meet all of my privious Friends Of the Day since I've been working really hard on the latest posts dedicated to my great friends. I want to make sure everyone is on the same page. These people, meaning my friends, can be very complicated, and since I've already been described as being "crass" according to some other bloggers...I'll make sure I'm neither insensitive nor unrefined when it comes to MY blog. (Yeah right, sure)

Opening the gates for Addy's Friend of the Day, was none other than, Aaron. You've seen his name on my blog regularly as he is the proverbial thorn in my side in the world that is the blogosphere. I had to then showcase what was good and redeeming about a fella' like Aaron, so the only rational person to be Addy's next Friend of the Day, was Kelly.
After readers got to know Kelly and Aaron, it was difficult for me to be able to top the intrigue, and that certain, "Cirque de Soleil" quality that they bring to the literary word. But I'm a confidant woman, and so I knew that you then needed to meet, Johnny. I figured I would have some fun with my following Friend of the Day, and give Danno a shout out...but then I realized that people were actually shouting out, "Dear sweet Lucifer, say it ain't so!"
So I decided to let you meet the REAL Danno that we all know and love.

It took me a while to get to the last Friend of the Day I'd posted. A lot was going on in my life, as well as hers and I felt my first job was to be a friend to her, instead of writing about her. It was worth the wait, as a woman like Jessica always will be. Right Jeffy?

So now you're up to date and ready to meet more of Addy's Friends right? You better take notes, because these will be characters in a world class novel one day. Then you'll be kicking yourself when you're at home, alone, stuffing your face with Cheeto puffs, watching Jeopardy, when Alex will give this answer:

"This was one of Addy's Friends of the Day that was seen propping up the White House to save a comrade as he dangled off the edge, clinging to life"

And since your hands will be covered with Cheeto puff crumbs, you won't be able to run over to your computer to look up the answer... to-the answer. Or the question of the answer. I hate Jeopardy.

ADDYS NEXT FRIENDS OF THE DAY:
Andrea
Michele
Jeff
Paul

They sound like a band of folk singers, don't they? Well maybe they are.

Mrs. 3000

2006-03-23T09:06:00.000-06:00

When I checked my blog this morning, I saw that I had 3004 hits. Thats 2984 more than I expected to get since I only have about 10 friends.

I'm sure Aaron will be the first one to tell me again that my hit counter is bunk because it counts every time people come back in a day, even if someone returns multiple times. Especially since Aaron has like 8 grand on his hit counter or something ridiculous like that. Well I'm not into popularity contests, thats not why I'm here. I've got a simple way to explain why I'm proud of my 3000 and growing hits...

Did it count every time I got my ass kicked by my mom in a drunken rage?
Does it count when you spark up a bowl for breakfast, lunch and dinner?
Does it count when a "romp fest" goes from sun down to sun up?

A HIT'S A HIT BABY!

(for political purposes, I've never sparked up a bowl in the replacement of any meal)

God I hate those bloggers

2006-03-22T14:20:00.000-06:00

I absolutely can't stand those bloggers that have modified their site, making it impossible for an unsuspecting passer- by to escape their shitty blog.
They put things like horny, naked japanimation characters that follow your mouse all over thier screen or banners over the corners of their blog that read "Make poverty history" or "Impeach Bush". And while I can't agree more with their sentiments, I have to question their actions of potentially trapping their readers to become a captive audience. Sure I can just click on the "BACK" button, but why should I have to?!!
They write about freedom of speech, but their taking away my freedom to read...or not.

I think those bloggers that deliberately remove their "Next Blog" button are nothing but douche bags and I wouldn't waste my time reading thier crap anyway.

And after you've read this post, you'll forever be linked to me now. If you try to erase me from your memory, you'll suffer the rest of your days. Many already have.

Now click on "comments"

Recipe of the Day

2006-03-22T10:33:00.000-06:00

I"ve found the PERFECT Recipe for romance, curtosy of Effusion

Forget Recipe of the Day, this should be the recipe everyday, all day, yes, thats it....right there, yeah, I LOVE this recipe!

Kevin honey, pick up some Garbonzo beans on your way home.

I need a smoke.

Vegas or Bust

2006-03-21T10:17:00.000-06:00

So my unique group of friends has decided that we're going to take a trip to Vegas to celebrate, well, many things- but mostly the fact that Jessica is now done with chemo, radiation and hopefully all the cancer shit for good.
We're also using it as a celebration for everyone's b days, since most of them occur in clusters. We've done group trips a few times before and it has ALWAYS been a blast.
How could it not with this group?...........

I mean, C'mon, what a bunch of fire crackers right?!! Yeah, anyhoo.
Our lovable band of buddies was having a difficult time coming to a concensus on which method would be best to GET us to Vegas. Kelly and Aaron crapped out on us because they're lame. Go over to Aarons place and make fun of him for me will ya'.
No, they're not lame. They just decided they can't participate in the festivities because now they have a house, a mortgage, medical bills, and vacation time to contend with. And not one of these reasons stands out to me as a unique situation that no one else has to deal with....AND they don't have kids! Thank lucifer, cause I finally got that image of the " Human Bat Boy" out of my head.
So minus Kelly and Aaron, we're down to lucky 7. To save money and be able to visit several spots of interest along the way, we thought we'd take our minivan and drive to vegas. Before you attempt to do the math, let me hit you with some knowledge. Wisconsin to Nevada is roughly 3000 mi round trip. Or a Wisconsinites configuration of distance is to measure it in time. So, if each of us took turns driving continuously...it would be about a days journey, with one or two stops at a local Waffle House to eat and a few potty breaks for the girls in the car. Boys can piss in a whisky bottle.
Then Jeff and Jess got a rockstar special on plane tickets from a family member, which is cool, but Kevin and I do not have the budget to fly to Vegas, and stay for an entire week with everything we'd have to spend additional $$$$ on.
And nothing on God's little green earth can prepare me for this again....

So we were, once again, split on what to do. Kevin found this awesome condo we could rent, with plenty of room for everyone. So we wouldn't have to eat out every blessed day and night in Vegas and we would have a common area for all of us to get bloody wasted and pass out in. It was either that, or pay more to saty in individual rooms on the strip. The condo just seemed more logical, but the X-factor was the distance to the strip, which was about 10 minutes. Dan made me giggle with his knowledge of "dangerous people" that linger on the buses in Vegas. Yeah Dan, in the buses, in the buffet lines, in your back pocket, under your bed.....thats Vegas Baby!
So we had a cabinet meeting this weekend to iron everything out. Let me paint a picture for you...close your eyes. Oh wait, you won't be able to read and imagine. How do lonely guys do it?
Anyway, approximately 3 electrical engineers, a licensed Dental hygenist, an SBC phone sex opperater, and one brain stem with a couple of semesters at MATC (that would be me), all on our individual laptops, searching for the best deals in Vegas. I think the hits for "Topless Shows" reached it's all time high that night. Dan. Just kidding.
After all of this, what did we decide????

Well, except for Jeff and Jess, we're all driving. And Andrea is going to get one kick ass massage at a spa for having to deal with all of us for the entire trip.
So heres to the road and the journey it will bring. It can't be that bad, right?

As for the lodging, it appears that we'll be staying at a condo and simply driving or walking where we need to go. Granted, I understand we'll be there in July and the average temperature is 112 degrees---- in the shade. We'll work it out! So if anyone has any pointers or tips for our upcomming trip to sin city, please feel free to comment.

Two things: No topless shows and no prostitutes. OK, at least no ugly ones.

Vacation Pictures

2006-03-20T22:24:00.000-06:00

Every year, my aunt Carol, uncle Dennis and My cousin Jolean drive down to the Grand Canyon for spring break. They always take their dog "Lucky" with them as they could never bring themselves to board him for two weeks.
I guess they're having a great time, and Aunt Carol laughed and said, "That crazy Lucky just can't get enough of his frisbee"
Boy, I sure can't wait to play frisbee with Lucky when he gets home!

Happy St. Patty's Day!

2006-03-17T09:34:00.000-06:00

I'm sure everyone is familiar with the story of St Patrick liberating Ireland from infectious snakes. So I'm not going to bother educating you on that.
What's that you say? You thought St Patrick is the Saint of all that is hoppy and brewsome...close enough.
This St Patty's day, I only have one question for you. The most important question really. The Irish Question.

Can any of you explain what the answer to this question is? The Micks are counting on you wits! I'll post the answer tomorrow.

Enjoy St Patricks Day! And as gay as this will sound, please drink responsibly. Coming from a non drinker, it's easy enough to say, but I don't want to be your new hood ornament because you don't have the blarney stones to take a free bus or cab ride or have a sober friend take your car keys.
And just so you don't think I have no Irish spirit on this festive of days, an old Irish toast to warm your hearts and bellies
Cheers assholes!

Oh Mother dear, I'm over here
and I'm never coming back.
What keeps me here is the Beer,
the Women and the Craic!

When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven!

Here’s to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold beer—and another one!

For every wound, a balm.
For every sorrow, cheer.
For every storm, a calm.
For every thirst, a beer.
Best while you have it use your breath
There is no drinking after death.

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here.

Be one who drinks the finest of ales.
Every day without fail.
Even when you have drank enough,
Remember that ale is wonderful stuff.

He that buys land buys many stones.
He that buys flesh buys many bones.
He that buys eggs buys many shells,
But he that buys good beer buys nothing else.

You guys came by to have some fun.
You’ll come and stay all night, I fear.
But I know how to make you run.
I’ll serve you all generic beer.

Here’s to temperance supper,
With water in glasses tall,
And coffee and tea to end with—
And me not there at all!

An Irishman is never drunk as long as
He can hold onto one blade of grass and not
Fall off the face of the earth.
--Old Irish toast

Universe, like our economy, has gone through inflation

2006-03-17T09:24:00.000-06:00

God's going to be pissed about this

My Birthday in Review

2006-03-16T08:59:00.000-06:00

Now that things have somewhat calmed down around the homefront, I remembered that I didn't share ANY of my wonderful birthday events with you!
How emmensly insensitive of me.

So here it is in a nut shell:

Thursday (pre b day party prep): Started to feel a little under the weather but needed to clean my house that is always littered with toys and fur.

Friday: Woke up with no voice and no ambition for life. Struggled to finish cleaning, then had to shift gears to begin packing minivan with food, drinks and decorations for my party (in addition to caring for 2 sick little people too). Kevin rented a gym for me where we invited our friends to come and play volleyball and dodgeball for my birthday.

Pros- very sweet idea from the man, get to see my friends, and play v-ball
Cons- I was sick as a dog, needed to prepare everthing, and it was tough to enjoy myself completely because I had to keep an eye on my kids.
(Yes, Vinny did get konked in the noodle with one of my serves)
Then, some of our friends came back to our house until about 1:30 in the morning, until I needed to get to bed cause I had to work at 10am on Saturday.

Saturday: Medicated up with dayquil, I assisted my class in one of the BEST photoshoots I've ever seen "first timers" participate in. Came home and sat on the couch. Had tentitive plans to go out, but the flu and the husbands guilt trip kept me from doing otherwise. No birthday sex for me please.

Sunday (actual birthday): Though I still felt like shit, I Needed to get out of the house. So we packed up the family and went by my mother-in- law who lives near Cedarburg. Did a little browsing in Cedarburg, I got my special birthday apple (I won't tell unless you ask) and we got Culvers drive-thru because my daughter was having a conniption fit in the van. She was hungry, and we forgot to bring her formula...and breast feeding has not been an option since she was 3 months old.
My mother-in-law bought me Tiramasu and cannoli's in lieu of a cake and we enjoyed our Culvers at thier dinner table.
Pretty standard really. Don't you all celebrate your birthday's this exact way? Why wouldn't you?

The icing on this proverbial cake was when I was in the bathroom at work just the other day, I was pulling my hair back into a clip, when I noticed something shining strangely in the under layer of my tresses. ONE GRAY HAIR, only about an inch long, but definitely gray or white. Whatever it is that OLD people call it, I had it!
Now I've had time to contimplate the fact that I'm closer to 30 now than I am 20, but Addy was NOT prepared to see that in the mirror.
I've been able to accept the fact that my body will still retain some of the damage that having babies causes...even as I once again approach my pre-baby size 5 and now weigh 121 lbs. But I've gotta be completely honest when I say I was thrown for a loop when I saw that gray hair. As shallow and airheaded as it sounds.
I guess I've had too much stress lately. Anybody know where this post birthday girl can find a cheap cruise?
I do want to thank all of my friends and family for the lovely gifts and for coming to my little open gym -boree. Even Aaron played dodgeball, he was good target practice!

Exercise your brain!

2006-03-15T09:54:00.000-06:00

Since yesterday was PI day, I've decided that we should practice exercises that will sharpen our thinking and concentration skills.
Don't worry, I won't overwhelm you with MENSA questions that make you feel like a complete retard, like Mitchieville does.

Baby steps, we'll take it nice and easy to begin with. How 'bout MEMORY? Do you even remember that game? A bunch of cards, flipped over, you pick two at a time to over turn and try to make pairs. That's it, We'll play memory! The fastest time gets a Skor Bar!

Oh, did I mention the "memory cards" are hot sexy women in tiny bikinis?

Now get to work!

HAPPY PI DAY!!!!!

2006-03-14T08:37:00.000-06:00

I'm celebrating the wonderment in the exhistance of pie!!! Blueberry and cherry and French Sil---
What? Not that kind of pie you say. 3.14 and on and on and on, kind of PI?

Well, thats pretty kinky too. And math nerds made it easy for us to remember as we celebrate it on March 14th (3.14)

You can even send the love in your life a PI day e greeting...I did!
I'm down with PI day, even though I personally haven't done any math that involved PI since I skipped geometry and needed to figure out bus fare from Tech to Kelly's house in West Allis.
It's also Albert Einstein's Birthday today too, so don't forget to brush up on your thories of relativity.
If you happen to be a math geek that just can't get enough PI, like me, but without pastry, you can get your fill of BOTH at Earnie's 3-D Pancakes a blog devoted to exploring the mystery of numbers.

Yeah, I'm never goin' there either.

Level of interest in this post: 3.14%

What women really want: The List

2006-03-09T09:08:00.000-06:00

I told you I was going to publish a LIST of what I think women really want. What we want out of friendship, out of life and even out of a partner. I wanted to hit the nail on the head of what it is that really turns us on about men.
I shouldn't be too far off, cause at times, I've been compared to a woman, so how hard can it be right? I may have purposely missed a few important items in the feeble attempt to prompt response from you. So without further adeu....

WHAT DO WOMEN WANT???

Women want to be desired. Plain and simple.

We want really great hair, without a lot of fuss of course.

We want to spend a lot of quality time with our partner. The definition of which differs drastically between the sexes.

At the same time, women want to spend more time with their friends. Women need thier girlfriends. And not the girlfriends men visualize us having.

Women want to be intelligent and attractive, emancipated and maternal, affectionate and strong. Women are good at multi-tasking.

Now listen very closely guys, cause I'm talking cosmic secrets here: Confidence... not arrogance, not dominance, not one-upsmanship, not useless bravado, not macho heroics. We just love truly confident men.

We want to see you dance with our daughters--- when she's a baby, a little lady, a difficult teenager, and finally, when she becomes someones wife one day. You are the most important relationship she'll ever have with another man. Make it matter.

We want to eat expensive chocolates and not be asked why, or what the difference is between Godiva and Walgreens brand.

We want our parents to like you. Really.

(this ones for my beautiful sister in law who recently got engaged) There are times that we really want you to come to family or social function's with us...even if you dread the thought of it, please just do it for us. You'll be saving yourself in the future

Just once, we'd like to see YOU cry during a movie. It's part of that confidence thing.

We don't want to be laughed at when we cry during a movie either.

Women really want you to know that we're stronger than you think.

Although woman like to believe a man is willing to deal with a lot of things, what really counts is that they are able to deal with us. A healthy, mature woman resists impassioned commitment to a man who is afraid of her sexuality, her intelligence, or her emotions.

Women need to borrow clothing from their girlfriends. It's just something we have to do.

We want to be the most beautiful woman in your eyes, no matter what.

We want to be told we're the most beautiful woman to you...and be able to believe it.

We want our career to be important. Though it should NEVER be more important than the relationship between a man and woman. And that goes the same for a man's career too.

Women want and need to laugh. Any man that can make us laugh is in like flynn.

We really need that one girlfriend that we can tell anything to. Good or bad...and know that we're safe.

Women really need you to know that size dosen't matter, but it helps

Women need to remember that when you feel you can't love anymore, thats when you most need to love yourself.

We really need to know who we are seperate from being so-in-so's girlfriend or wife (thats NOT to be taken negatively guys)

Women want shoes more than you know (duhhh)

We really want you to help potty train our son's

In addition to potty training, women need you to teach our son's to be responsible, respectable men. There are just some things that dads can, and should do better than moms.

Women really want that one dress that makes us look amazing...

And women want the accessories to go with it

Women need to listen to sappy songs that make us cry, over and over. Deal with it.

Women want thier men to go shopping with them, and find an outfit that would stop them in their tracks if they saw us wearing it out. Then buy it, knowing it'll never get past the bedroom floor.

We want our wedding day to be important to you.

We want to support our friends and spouses in whatever they do. Sometimes that may cause conflict between the friends and spouses. Please try to understand.

We'll always try to make you feel like the conquerer of our hearts. But chances are, there was someone here before that loved us very much. Please don't be jelous. We want you to know that they contributed to who we are today.

Women really want romance

Women really want world peace

And this woman really wants to know what you think.

Disclaimer: Make no assumptions. This is not a Wish List for my husband. So don't start writing me about that. Everyone has thier flaws, thats what makes us unique. I'll have you know that Kevin has preformed many of these "tasks" or "wishes" I've discussed... so for the most part, I'm a lucky girl.
But he's LUCKIER! hee hee

International Womens Day!!!!

2006-03-08T14:35:00.000-06:00

In honor of International Womens Day, I am in the process of composing a list of all of the things women really want. And I'll tell ya'---a pink poodle named precious in a rhinestone collar is NOT on the list!

Until I get it posted though, feel free to paruse some other blogs of notable women around the world in the International Museum of Women

We fuckin' rock!

Artisticlly Delicious!

2006-03-08T10:41:00.000-06:00

So what happens when you go to Chicago expecting to work the entire weekend in a high profile hairshow...and things don't go quite how you planned?
You say, f***k them and take your happy, uncultured ass to the
Art Institute of Chicago.
I'd been there one other time and didn't get to see everything I'd wanted. Though it would take several hours (or days) to comb through such an incredible establishment, this time, I DID see the things that were most important to me.

I took pictures KNOWING it was going to become a blog post for all of you.

This is for all of you that will never see the museum except for the occasional watching of Ferris Beullar's Day Off.

I can't quite tell, would you say phallic?

I absolutely LOVE the suits of armour. It makes me feel all giddy inside when I think of the Renniasance period. Sure, people were slaughtered unnecessarily due to the corruption of religion and greed...but we're doing the same things today and at least they looked bad ass doin' it in the 1400's.

And yes...anything having to do with a horse wearing armour is bad ass too!

This Reliquary is said to house the Tooth of John the Baptist. You like the reflection of my claw-like finger's gripped to my camera? Yeah, I'm like a National Geographic photographer with my creative angles. Just wait till you see my African nudes.

I'm a big fan of Angels. I didn't see who the artist was that painted this, so if this looks familiar to any of you true art buffs, please let me know so I can find a book with the rest of this artists works.

I've always loved this piece. It's actually one in a series of 3 or 4. My friends Jeff and Jess have this in their house, only it's teeny tiny (and I've thought about shoving it in my purse every time I'm over there!)

What's art without a butt shot?

Can you guess which world reknowned artist created this little cardboard demon, complete with 3-D genitalia?

Did you guess yet?

Ok, I don't want to be here all night...

It was Pablo Picasso. I thought it was a little weird too. But then again, all of those artists were tomented nut jobs.

And now it's time for another exciting round of....

ART or SHART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The game where you decide if the piece is art or a piece of shit.

Our first selection is a 25 ft high canvas, painted....black. All over.

And I thought it was hard to watch my husbands wide screen while it's tuned in to "Attack of the Show!"

CALL IT OUT NOW.....

ART or SHART?????

Our second piece in contention for sharthood is a seemingly large frame, with an equally large cable protruding off of the piece, and onto the floor.

OK now, ART or SHART??? Hell, I'll give ya' the 411 on this because otherwise it dosen't stand a chance as acceptable art.

Our third artistic quiery comes to you in the form of an old drawer, with a marble of the earth and the smallest enema bulb I've ever seen. Wait! Maybe it's the artists interpretation of "the world's smallest enema bulb"

Alright, now I get it. It's art..............

for me to shart on!

And finally, our last creative questionable looks like my son's bedroom. I wasn't able to get the bio on this "Piece?" but it reminds me of the recycling projects we use to have to do in high school.

Everyone would wait until the last possible minute to think of something to do to better our home planet, and then run out to Goodwill, buy a ripped, stained, one eyed, teddy bear for 10 cents, pay for it in canadian pennies and say they were going to give it to a deserving child that otherwise, would never recieve such a treasure. Somehow, this jackass got his selfish, ignorant idea to stick, and some other jackass called it art.

I will admidt the pink snake is pretty cool. ANYWAY, VOTE DAMIT!

ART or SHART?!?!?!?!?!!?

That'll do it for my art show. I have but one last thought for you to ponder.

Thats artist for: "make like a man that just found out his girlfriend is pregnant, and LEAVE"

Everybody's a critic

2006-03-08T10:03:00.000-06:00

So I was once again searching for blogs that would make me look like a well read, in touch, blogger. Yeah, anywho...
Though I do think I found my new best friend in THE COMPANY BITCH

If you were appauled at the idea and site of me taking a picture of my own "assets", just get a load of what "Gotcha" had to say when her "Reusable-Boyfriend or a Re-Boyfriend but Ex-Boyfriend" as she calls him, had to say about HER boobs over an entire bottle of red wine and the excitement that the Oscars will bring out in any red blooded male. PRICELESS!

It's just furthur proof that the Dodo got the shaft on the evolutionary ladder of extinction.

Real Life Simpsons

2006-03-07T14:40:00.000-06:00

I'm not as big of a fan of the Simpsons as I was, oh, when I was 12. But it's still good for a laugh every now and then (sorry Johnny)

This Video shows us what the Simpsons would be if they were real. You know, like us... not disfunctional, fat and unhappy. Wait a second??!!!.....

The Clock is Ticking

2006-03-07T13:23:00.000-06:00

The last weekend before my birthday has now passed, giving all of you less than 6 optimum shopping days to find those rare treasures you had in mind for me.

If you're still stumped, I can give you a few examples of what a good gift looks like.
I spent an amazing weekend in Chicago, and thats where I recieved this first birthday gift.

I'm somewhat of a minimalist when it comes to jewelry, so I don't like wearing a lot of things that would "over shadow" or look too busty, I mean busy.

Gentlemen, take a hint from Addy...you'll never go wrong with jewelry.
Just make sure to let her pick it out if you have no taste.

And to answer the question thats looming in the back of your medula oblongata... yes, I'm sure every woman has taken a picture of her boobs in a low cut dress at least once. It's like men saying they've never measured. PUH-LEASE!

Brokeback Lipsync-ing

2006-03-07T11:09:00.000-06:00

I had to steal this from Mitchieville as soon as my corrupted little soul was made aware of its exhistance.
I've worked very closely with men that are considered "stereotypiclly gay"
(ie hair stylists in leather pants) and none of them have EVER looked this ridiculous.
I acredit Mitchieville with their findings, and quite frankly, I'm a little worried about you Mayor.

Let the count down begin

2006-03-03T07:41:00.000-06:00

Alert the unicycle riding penguins and sombody find that midget that serves tostada chips out of his oversized sombrero.
Is it really oversized or is it just a normally sized obnoxious sombrero that looks even more obnoxious on senior pequeno? Nevermind.

There are only 9 more days until Addy celebrates another trip around the sun.

You may be thinking, "Big deal", and to that I say, "Shame on AND screw you" at the same time! I expect no less than a digital pony from all of you. Maybe some e-coupons for Webbs would be nice.
Buy one get one Double Cheeseburgers, can't beat that!

Actually, I really don't even care about my birthday this year. As sad and pathetic as that sounds, I've already set my focus far ahead of myself and have begun planning for my daughters 1st birthday in the end of April. Babies trump everything, and thats just the way it is.

Maybe I'll get a chance to sneek away and slam a margarita in a dark corner of a dirty mexican restaurant. Then I'll be happy...

Just make sure the midget comes around with chips.

I've FINALLY done it!

2006-03-02T11:42:00.000-06:00

Praise Lucifer, I've finally posted all of my favorite blog sites on my side bar!

I ran across one of my newest favorite blogs this morning, and I'm really looking forward to seeing it develop as it unveils

In the words of blog author, Stephen B DeVogel from Boulder Co.,
"A blog to host the travel diary and scientific discoveries I make as my colleagues and I travel through Madagascar in search of fossil Aepyornis (elephant bird) eggs. The trip begins 26 March 2006!"

I've already told you I'm a science buff. These are things I always dreamed of doing when I was little, and fortunately, the dreams never subsided into adulthood. So hopefully through Stephen's eyes and literary skills, we can experience Madagascar and all of its historical, scientific wonder!
I know, you're thinking I'm crazy. Hey, the only look at Madagascar I get, is in Dreamworks latest movie where Ben Stiller Plays a lion, David Schwimmer is a neurotic giraffe, and Chris Rocks character is a Zebra who doesn't know if he's BLACK with white stripes, or WHITE with black stripes.

Quite frankly, I welcome Stephen's research. Good luck on your expedition! I'll be watching!

You ask, Addy delivers!

2006-03-01T15:44:00.000-06:00

In my recent post where I admited to having bloggers block, I asked you, my dedicated and devoted readers, to enlighten me with your endless pursuit of knowledge. I asked you what you wanted to see on the pages of {In}Conspicous Construction. Well you answered, and answer you did.

Fenris Badwulf of the canukistan clan of Mitchieville proposed:
"I would like to see more articles on Helping Others, especially the Downtrodden. I also like articles on food eaten by Pre-Christian Cultures. Perhaps articles on getting along with your dog and cat."

Well, Fenris, I'd do just about anything to keep you coming back. Only because I love your blog name. It just so happens that I posess some knowledge I'd like to share on ALL of these wonderfully complex topics, but I'll get the easiest out of the way first.
Foods Eaten by Pre-Christian Cultures

Since Christianity hasn't been around all that long, especially when you compare it to the span of time that humans have walked the earth-- Regardless of whether or not our knuckles dragged on the ground
Pre Christian cultures are normally thought of as having a lack of religion, or pagan cultures. And that is not true at all.
Such civilizations include, the Indian (feathers not dots)
Celtic cultures, Ok so maybe it's not the best picture, but it's recognizable

Bronze Age communities (that would be your Egyptian Pharaohs), going all the way back to the Mesolithic, which included the hunter-gatherers of the middle stone age about 10,000 years ago. Think "The Flintstones" for all of you that haven't had the privilage of MATC's Earth Science class training as I've been privy to.
Well Fenris, the foods eaten by these Pre Christian cultures range from dirt, rocks and roots for the "downtrodden" of the time, (as you would refer to them as), and get pretty delectable, like mammoth, and hazel nuts, as well as fruits, plants, flowers and livestock only avaliable to the highest members of society. Especially in Egypt and Europe.

Then it's pretty simple really. Once JC came along about 2000 years ago and people started believing that this guy wasn't bluffing when He said He could cure the dead and would save man from his own sins...it was all down hill from there.

JC had His posse of 12 losers following him around all day, always nagging Him to turn stuff into food.

"C'mon Lord I know you can do it,

just one more fish, or I'll call Pontious Pilate"

Then the diciples became greedy. They frequently asked JC, who knew His time was coming to an end, to change their wives into the shepards daughters they very much coveted throughout their travels in Galilee. JC was frustrated. He showed these men how to live, how to fish and still they sought His constant guidance. What was Jesus to do, knowing He would have to leave these men to fend for themselves?

He created Ray Crock and man never hunted again.

I will tackle more of your requests in future, exciting posts of:

YOU ASK, ADDY DELIVERS!

Where Do I Stand On the Political Spectrum?

2006-03-01T10:26:00.000-06:00

In an effort to keep it short and sweet for my readers, as Aaron and Belle have suggested in thier co-parented post, I'm going to state my opinions and leave them open for discussion.

I'm in favor of the smoking ban

Her child has SO much to look forward to.

And I support same sex marriage

...and apparently polygamy???

The way I see it, I'd rather dine in a restaurant and sit next to a gay couple bikering over flannel shirts or paprika, versus inhaling the stench of ciggarettes, thus ruining my flavorful french dip.

Now gays that want to be married AND smoke in public...thats a different story

OH! And heres the COLOR Aaron suggested all bloggers incorporate into each post to infuse interest upon their readersHows that?

North Pole Sunsets

2006-03-01T09:16:00.000-06:00

This is an incredible sunset at the North Pole with the moon at its closest point. Reminds me of something from D&D. Ok, now my true colors have shown.

Nature and science have always amazed me. They are among the very few things in this world that you cannot control. That, and Paris Hilton.

Can't get enough of science imagery? Probably not, but if you ARE like me, you'll love this site too

2006-03-01T09:12:00.000-06:00

HMMM, maybe they can help me with my bloggers block?

What do you think Johnny?
(Sorry, inside joke. Johnny is diabetic, and diabetics are illiterate)

Bloggers Block

2006-02-22T10:55:00.000-06:00

*Phoo* Sorry, just had to blow the dust off of my keyboard...
Just wanted to drop in on my desolite blog to let everyone know that I am still the operator and blogger-in-cheif of this site. However, my creative inspirations seemed to have withdrawn from my cerebral cortex. In essence, leaving me, less than enthusiastic to resume blogging.

Sometimes, there are so many things you want to write about, but just can't. So my mind has become subject to those topics and until I've found a way to diffuse them, I will reluctantly remain silent on my site.
I know the itch will slowly creep up on me and I will once again, find myself aching to enlighten you and myself with my latest mind sparks.

Feel free to leave me comments with what YOU would like to see me write about. Remember, I'm a model, I need to be TOLD what to do!
The gauntlet has been thrown down, it is now up to you...
What would make {In}Conspicuous Construction an addiction for you
(and me)
Besides posting naked pictures of myself or deleting this blog all together?
It's like the cool fantasy books where you can choose your own ending, remember those?

so, I'm listening

ONLY A MAN WOULD THINK OF THIS

2006-02-10T11:30:00.000-06:00

I found this little article in one of my husbands Family Handyman Magazines
(yeah, gay, i know)

Anyhoo, I read this and laughed so hard I sharted. Good thing I was on the dooper to begin with. This handy hint is to help devise a secret code for your combination lock.
Wouldn't that "secret code" BE the combination? Call me kooky.

So basiclly, Mr. Brandau is saying that if you have a hard time remembering your combo in the first place, you should think of Additional numbers to create equations that will ultimately reveal the answers, that being your beginning combination...you couldn't remember to start with?!?
I can just imagine a man being held at gun point trying to remember which number he needs to add or subtract to open his lock:

"Was it 7?...cause baby I'm heaven" *snickers* "No, thats not it"
"Wasn't it the age I lost my virginity to our maid?"
"Wait! It's the number of illegitimate children I have... Thats it!"

I've got a handy hint for ya'. Fella's, just remember the 3 god damned numbers that are assigned to your combination lock. It's not like we expect you to remember our birthdays, anniversaries, Valentines Day, Sweetest Day, the first time we made love, when the children were born, or not to dry our cashmiere sweaters with your work jeans.

It's just a combination lock.

The Smiling American

2006-02-09T16:16:00.000-06:00

My pal Aaron recently posted this queiry on his blog:

Random Liberal Thought
If a simple political cartoon can cause violence and unrest in the Middle East, can we draw a cartoon that will create peace?

To which many of his faithful readers replied with comments only the insane lament.
Well, I love effin' with Aaron, it's one of the small joys in my life, so I replied to his post with this comment:

"That would be a funny *** cartoon.
I can just picture it....
An American person would be face down in the sandy terrain of the Middle East, with his ARSE up in the air. You would know he was American because of his "I Love NY" T shirt. He would have Old Glory cluched in his cracker*** while a dark skined, strange looking man with a towel on his head anxiously attempted to clank two sand rocks together to light the fuse connected to the American Flag. Though scared at times, the American would sport a sinister smile out of the side of his face.Why would this be? Anyone? Anyone? Beuller?"

Besides the fact that Aaron said this was the first "on point" comment I've ever posted on his crusty blog, he then wanted to know why the American in the cartoon would be smiling.
I refused to answer based on the fact that most of his readers, I would think, would love the opportunity to improv their own ending to this mysterious, non-exhisting cartoon.
Why do you think the American is smiling????

Post your answers here so I can go over to Aaron's blog and show him how much smarter and wittier my readers are!
BTW If anyone would like to sketch up this cartoon idea that spawned in my little mind, I'll post it up here and of course, give you props!

MAGIC EYE

2006-02-09T15:58:00.000-06:00

This is one of those brainteasers where two photos look exactly alike, but upon closer examination, small differences may appear.

I'll give you a minute to scrutinize............................................................

Did you find the differences between the picture on the left and the picture on the right???

Ok. I know it's tough, here's the answer:
In the Picture on the left, the specimen is wearing a necklace.

Thanks for playing, and Mayor, I apologize in advance.

Why I love Andy Rooney

2006-02-08T10:59:00.000-06:00

I'm not necessarily in agreeance with everything he had to say when he delivered this a few weeks back. BUT, I agree with MOST of it.

I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers.

The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America.
Try to have things like the UnitedCaucasianCollege Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens...Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE?

I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.

I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.

When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the Law of Probability.

I believe that if you are selling me a milkshake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English!
As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English!

My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours.

I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.

I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business.

We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations.

I don't hate the rich I don't pity the poor.

I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them.

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building.

It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say "NO!"

I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me French fries!

I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be "African-Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent.
I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe.
I am proud to be from America and nowhere else

And if you don't like my point of view, tough...

Silence is Golden

2006-02-08T10:19:00.000-06:00

I apologize that my blog has been so quiet lately. I have had a lot going on in my REAL life, apart from blogger. But believe you me, I've still been reading, and reading I have. I must admidt, besides my warped Canadian band of brothers over at Mitchieville, I'm a little disappointed with the rest of you.

I mean, C'mon Aaron, you didn't even critisize the superbowl commercials!
I personally loved the Bud commercial with the little Clydesdale colt trying to pull the ceremonial wagon (it brought a tear to my eye), and the streaking sheep Bud commercial was HILLARIOUS!
In case you don't remember all of the commercials, This'll refresh your memory
It's 20 minutes of pure commercial watching. It's what makes us uniquely American..
Besides, I need the stall time to think of something to post up here for you jackels.
I've got so much I'd love to talk about, unfortunately, I can't at this time...
they might be watching me.

So now you know the truth

2006-02-03T15:11:00.000-06:00

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Black Comedy

In your life, things are so twisted that you just have to laugh.You may end up insane, but you'll have fun on the way to the asylum.
Your best movie matches: Being John Malkovich, The Royal Tenenbaums, American Psycho

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

Nature's Diversity Replaced with Cuddly Plush

2006-02-03T14:06:00.000-06:00

Is it wrong that I already own a Teddy Bear Skin Rug?

WASHINGTON, DC–According to a World Wildlife Fund study released Monday, stuffed-animal biodiversity is rapidly rising, with the number of species available in plush form up nearly 800 percent since 1990.

"While the number of living species continues to plummet, the exact opposite is true of their toy counterparts," WWF director Ruth Aberg said. "This is particularly true in America, where polyester-fiber-filled replicas of even the most endangered species can be found in glorious abundance."

According to the WWF report, 885 animal species are in danger of extinction worldwide, and another 165 are classified as threatened. Of these 1,050 at-risk species, however, an estimated 970 can be found in mass quantities in children's toy boxes and on collectors' shelves.

"There are an estimated 41,000 species of vertebrates on Earth, yet until recently, only a small handful were available for purchase–tigers, bears, lions, penguins, giraffes, and perhaps an owl or a duck,".

"Even then, only the most common species within a particular genus was represented. In the case of bears, for example, you'd have the brown bear, but rarely the polar bear and never the sun bear or sloth bear."

Today, by contrast, consumers regularly encounter river otters, hedgehogs, hammerhead sharks, warthogs, capybaras (world's largest rodent, only found in Belize), opossums, tarantulas, and rare caimans found only in remote regions of the Amazon.
"Look at sea turtles, a species rapidly disappearing due to pollution and poaching," Aberg said. "Several years ago, EcoToys Inc. introduced Sam The Super Sea Turtle, a green turtle, or Chelonia mydas, complete with a tag describing its natural habitat and status as an endangered species. It was so well-received that the company then introduced an entire line of these "Half-Shelled Heros" to lovingly invade your homes and educate children worldwide.
Store shelves that were once devoid of sea turtles are now teeming with all manner of them." Even Mr. Vinny has "Dude Crush", the Sea Turtle from Disney's "Finding Nemo"

Stuffed Animal Chart

One glimpse at the chart above, and you can see how we have been attempting to preserve the delicate cycle of life that had previously been all but wiped out due to human greed and carelessness.

The rise in stuffed-animal biodiversity, experts say, has been made possible by humans' growing interest in environmental issues: Science-themed toy stores have popped up in malls across the nation. Entire shelves of such retail giants as Toys 'R' Us are devoted to animals from around the world. Beanie Baby manufacturer Ty can barely keep up with consumer demand for plush biodiversity.
"As rainforests continue to disappear at a rate of one and a half acres every second, I thought there was no hope for the leopard frog," Sierra Club associate director Dianne Wilmot said. "But Wild Republic just announced there will 5,000 more Rana pipiens in existence by Christmas.

A walk through the aisles of any toy store reveals what a diverse world we used to live in."

While Wilmot is encouraged by the stuffed-animal boom, some see cause for alarm.
"The number of species is rising way too quickly," said South Bend, IN, wildlife enthusiast Wendy Elias. "I wanted to get all the animals in the Jack Hanna collection: They're so cute, and I knew I could give them a good home. But they keep introducing new ones faster than I can make shelf space. My husband will absolutely kill me if I bring another one home."

Manufacturers, however, do not regard overpopulation as a threat.
"We have a plan, should the animals on store shelves become too numerous," said Adrian Rohn, a spokesman for Wild Republic. "We will simply employ a systematic reduction of prices to encourage bargain hunters to thin the herd."

I've heard whispers about the newest campaign launch put on by the plush manufacturers. "In an effort to further educate and sensitize children to the dimineshing world around us, there are plans in the making for the production of plush Native Americans and Jews" They'll be the hottest thing under your tree for Christmas 2006!"

Personally, I can't wait to see the accessories.

"WRITE" ON BLOGGERS!

2006-02-02T16:52:00.000-06:00

I saw this and had to post it for all to see. I couldn't rationalize editing much of the article because it intrigued me so much.
Again, so many of the things we take for granted here in the US, as well as Canada and other "free" countries are controversial issues for our neighbors around the world. But it is these same things that reveal the strong and resolute. These are the individuals I believe we need to truely make a difference in our world.

In the midst of ancient ruins and modern political drama, Syrian bloggers beat out the rhythms of their own lives.

DAMASCUS -- He has glasses and the kind of baby face that relatives probably like to pinch. But beneath the mild exterior of this Syrian mobile phone operator there is some righteous, youthful anger.

He expresses that anger in a blog.

"I write about everything I'm pissed off about, the things that make me angry: extremism, poverty, religion," he says with an incongruous smile.
That's a broad beat for a 20 year old, but Majd (we decide the conversation will be more open with first names only) has a lot to say.
"I've got lots of energy inside," he says at a pizza restaurant, where he and two other bloggers decided to meet with me. "I'm very affected by everything around me. When I was young, everything was discussed at our home."
His parents were intellectuals and communist party members, he says, and they encouraged him and his sister to question things.

Majd hasn't needed much more encouragement than that. His blog, called Hawa (http://hawa3.blogspot.com), Arabic for "air," is written in Arabic as well as some English.

And even though he and the other two bloggers, Ghalia and Sara, have made great efforts to emphasize to me they are not political, Majd's blog has already garnered the blogger's badge of honor: enough notoriety to prompt authorities to block access to it.
Misconceptions about Syria are why 23-year-old Ghalia, with a newly-minted diploma in English literature, says she started her blog, Cocktail (http://cocktail4.tk) in the first place.

"My cousins are Iraqis who live in America," she says, "but they always looked down on my country."
She says she began explaining Syria to them by introducing them to historical Syrian figures, which she eventually turned into her blog. "I want to introduce people to Syria," she says. "I love my country and want to share the things I love."

Sometimes it's a hard sell.

"There was a British guy that said he was afraid to link to my blog because he thought I could be a terrorist," she says. "But after reading it for a few months I think he decided I was a nice person."
Like Majd, she's not afraid of a little social commentary, which she says she usually makes with pictures rather than words -- like a photograph she posted of the newly opened Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant in downtown Damascus, with a hungry child peering inside at diners.

Ghalia writes her entire blog in English, posting four or five times a month. She usually gets only around 15 visitors, which she says is sometimes disappointing.
(YAHOO WILL CHANGE THAT FOR HER NOW!)
Regardless, she says blogging has changed her life, helping her see beyond her affluent neighborhood, a suburb of Damascus called Malkie. "I thought all of Syria was like Malkie," she says, "but when I started blogging, I got to know my own country. I got out and saw things and was shocked by the poverty."

For Sara, a 27-year-old audio engineer, her blog (http://stellar101.blogspot.com) is about sharing her personal journey -- like spending five years at Boston's Northeastern University, but not being able to graduate, she says, because of a post-9/11 U.S. policy restricting student visas.
"I felt like I wanted to connect with other people," she says. "I write what comes to mind. I'm not really trying to do anything specific."

With her blog, she tries to blend "her Western mind [open and proactive] with her Eastern heart [generous and family oriented]."
Blogging isn't cheap or easy in Syria. If you can find a provider, a home broadband connection can cost as much as $80 a month with modem rental and service fees. That's close to the average monthly income of a Syrian with some post-secondary school education.

I'm not a journalist," says Majd. "I'm not working for specific community goals and I'm not in service to anyone. But I do want people to be affected by what I write. I want ideas to be clarified."
"You're reporting about results of actions," Ghalia says to me, of my work. "We're living it. That's what we write."
"But what about censorship?" I ask. "Do you feel you can write whatever you want?"
"I don't feel any censorship," Ghalia says, "only self-censorship sometimes. I think I want to write things, but then I think they might get me into trouble."
"I'd be a liar if I said I'm not afraid sometimes," says Majd. "And my parents are afraid I might be harmed."
As soon as he says this, Majd is again uncomfortable that what I write will turn out to be not about the expressions of Syrian bloggers in all their degrees and complexities, but a diatribe about what is wrong with Syria.
I try to assure him that they, the bloggers, are the focus of my piece -- but that includes the challenges to their expression as well as the successes of it.
At the end of our meeting, Ghalia gives me a two-page letter from another Syrian blogger named Elie, currently studying anthropology in Canada.
In the letter, Elie asks me to keep an open mind in my travels through Syria and eloquently describes the nation's evolution toward becoming a more open society, while at the same time battling to maintain its sense of cultural identity:
Due to globalization, Syria is more open than ever. Indeed it is good for Syria, but it demands us to be prudent (there is a price to pay)... The problem is that exchange is one sided. Syria senses acculturation as a raging force.
We need you to show the world that we are here. Our message must not be kept hidden, it must not be marginalized, it must also not be omitted because of politics.
In fact, we as bloggers do the same as you, we try informing about
our reality and how we emotionally deal with it. We try to show, through daily
exertion, that Syria has thoughts, has pride, has strength, has spirit...
I want to tell Elie that he doesn't need me to tell the world anything -- that he, like many other bloggers, can speak for themselves, which he just did. And that is ultimately the point of it all.

NOW, Go visit their blogs and open yourselves to the world around you, just as they have.

OTHER SYRIAN BLOGS TO CHECK OUT:
-- Across Syria (http://acrosssyria.blogspot.com/)
-- A Heretic's Blog (http://amarji.blogspot.com/)
-- Syria News Wire (http://saroujah.blogspot.com/)
-- Our Man in Damascus (http://baldnomad.blogspot.com/)

Guest of Honor Should've Delivered State of the Union

2006-02-01T09:56:00.000-06:00

Rex, a 5-year-old German shepherd, fit in with the other Iraq war veterans who were guests of Republicans and Democrats.
Rex sniffed out bombs in Iraq. He's been the subject of congressional legislation. He's famous, and Wednesday night he became one of Mrs. Bush's guests at the State of the Union speech.

How Rex landed such a coveted seat — actually a spot in the aisle labeled "Rex" on the official seating chart — is quite a tale.

I'll let you read that for yourselves

All I'll say is that even poor Rex was held to a military contract that nearly kept him in Iraq past his original service date. It would take an act of congress before Rex would return home.

You can almost tell what Rex is thinking from his face in the picture above...
He's ready to sink his teeth into a rare, trash talking Texas Turkey.

New Kid on the Blog

2006-01-30T17:48:00.000-06:00

Ladies and Gents, Allow me to introduce you to the newest blogger to grace the pages of the web.
Belly Bean K has made her debut!!!
Lets go over and give her a great big blog welcome, shall we?

I think she's gonna take Aaron's spot on Sykes blogroll...I give it a week.
Any bets people?

Enjoy!
Welcome Belly Bean!

The MOST functional Word in our language

2006-01-27T15:29:00.000-06:00

I don't need no stinking etymologists...
The most functional word?
Well...it's shit
That's right, shit!

Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.
Consider:You can be shit faced,
shit out of luck,
or have shit for brains.

With a little effort, you can get your shit together,
find a place for your shit or decide to shit or get off the pot.

You can smoke shit,
buy shit,
sell shit,
lose shit,
find shit,
forget shit,
and tell others to eat shit and die.
Some people know their shit,
while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.

There are lucky shits,
dumb shits,
crazy shits,
and sweet shits.

There is bull shit,
horse shit
and chicken shit.

You can throw shit,
sling shit,
catch shit,
shoot the shit,
or duck when shit hits the fan.

You can give a shit
or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit
or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit,
some days are hotter than shit,
and some days are just plain shitty
Some music sounds like shit,
things can look like shit,
and there are times when you feel like shit
You can have too much shit,
not enough shit,
the right shit,
the wrong shit
or a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit,
have a mountain of shit,
or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit,
and other times you fallin a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of creation. And remember, once you know your shit,you don't need to know anything else!You could pass this along, if you give a shit or choose not to read it, because...you don't give a shit......or save it with all your other shit.

As for me, I gotta go take a shit

Soy & You. Bad Taste: Bad Reviews

2006-01-25T12:49:00.000-06:00

Associated Press
DALLAS - Veggie burgers and tofu might not be so great at warding off heart disease after all.

An American Heart Association committee reviewed a decade of studies on soy's benefits and came up with results that are now casting doubt on the health claim that soy-based foods and supplements significantly lower cholesterol.
The findings could lead the FDA to re-evaluate rules that currently allow companies to tout a cholestorol-lowering benefit on the labels of soy-based food.

Boy, it's a good thing I never bought into that whole soy scam. I would've drastically increased damage to my tastebud's while consuming soy sludge, while my LDL production would still be producing more graphiclly than VIVID

The panel also found that neither soy nor the soy component isoflavone reduced symptoms of menopause, such as "hot flashes," and that isoflavones don't help prevent breast, uterine or prostate cancer.
Which is the main reason we were even dooped to begin with.

HERE IT IS IN PRINT:
Based on its findings, the committee said it would not recommend using isoflavone supplements in food or pills. It concluded that soy-containing foods and supplements did not significantly lower cholesterol, and it said so in a statement recently published in the journal Circulation.

Nutrition experts say soy-based foods still are good because they often are eaten in place of less healthy fare like burgers and hot dogs.

Sure. OR, I could really save myself the money and trouble and eat the cardboard boxes my kids toys come in, thus cutting down on waste and recycling costs.
What do cardiologists think about the soy revolution?

"We don't want to lull people into a false sense of security that by eating soy they can solve the problem (with cholesterol)," said Dr. Michael Crawford, chief of clinical cardiology at University of California San Francisco Medical Center.
"If they are radically altering their diet where they're only eating soy in the hopes that this is going to bring their cholesterol down, they're deluding themselves,"

And nutritionists? How do they feel about our friend the soybean?

"Soyproteins and isoflavones don't have any major health benefits other than soy protein products are generally good foods," said Dr. Frank Sacks, a professor of nutrition at the Harvard School of Public Health in Boston who led the committee. "They're good to replace other foods that are high in cholesterol."

Still, the Heart Association statement notes that soy products like tofu, soy butter, soy nuts and some soy burgers should be heart-healthy because they contain a lot of polyunsaturated fats, fiber, vitamins and minerals and are low in saturated fat.
So is CRACK, but you won't see me supplementing my diet with that.
And what do they mean by "should be heart- healthy"?

"It's important not to think about foods in black-and-white terms", said Dr. Michael Lim, director of the cardiac catheterization lab at Saint Louis University School of Medicine.
This coming from a man whose job it is to stick a small tube up the inside of your leg and run it through...God knows where, to try and find "Trouble". Listen, there's always going to be trouble if you try any procedure on me that I've seen in the Matrix.

"There's no quick fix," he said. "Our bad cholesterol numbers would certainly get worse if instead of eating tofu burgers we went out and had hamburgers each night of the week."
To him, I say F*** You and your little tofu too.
I do think of food in terms of Black-and-White.
Some cows are black and white before I eat them.
Look at the bright side, veggie burgers and tofu might not be so great at warding off heart disease, but I bet if you hang them over your front doorway, meateaters and the Angel of Death are sure to pass over.
Right now, I've gotta finish this triple whopper with cheese before my brain tells my stomach I'm full.
More controversoy here

History Lesson or X-Files Episode???

2006-01-25T09:15:00.000-06:00

Again, I've recieved more forwarded emails from my friend Amanda. I love her to death, but jeepers woman...when do you find time to work when you forward people 30 emails a day?!? Oh well, I'm getting blog material outta've it!

This one, like the Rumored Facts email I wrote about, also intrigued me.
So I will pose a brief question for you with some visual aid, for those of you who don't remember high school-- like me.

What do these two men have in common?

OK. I can hear your wheels turning rustily. Whats that you say? -Both Pictures are Black and White?

Alright, I'll give ya' that one. Now read the email. Maybe there's some die hard history buffs out there that might present some proof to discredit this very strange and highly coincidental set of factoids between these two great men.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners. Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839. Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names. Both names are composed of fifteen letters. (WOW. I hear CSI is hiring)

Now hang on to your seat. OOOOHH isn't the suspense killing you...

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.' Kennedy was shot in a car named ' Lincoln' ---made by 'Ford.'

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse. Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials. Which is the way this should always go

And here's the kicker...

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland

A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

(So Kennedy was also in Monroe) Sorry. I had to say it cause I knew you were thinking it too.

So maybe Lincoln consulted with a highly sophisticated killing machine sent back from the future, that being Oswald. And when he saw how lame Lincoln's time was, Oswald called up his cyborg pal, Booth to knock off Lincoln for wasting his time. I can picture the moment of escalation:

"What do you mean there's no fridge for cold brewskis?!?"
"Naw, man, I don't mean TIME Machine, I mean TYME
machine. I need a ten spot."
"No ten spot!!! This tall mutha' F***** gotsa die!"

And there are other similaities too.

1963, the year Kennedy was assassinated, was also the year Dr. Martin Luther King gave his "I have a dream" speech. Without Lincoln's Emancipation Proclaimation speech, the closest MLK would've come to greatness would been to serve JFK some New England Clam Chowder out of the White House Kitchen.

SO now that I've gotten you to read this latest set of "rumored facts" go here to read the truth.

Or is it?

The truth is out there.

Still working on it...

2006-01-23T19:27:00.000-06:00

Bear with me folks, as I'm attempting to re-format my blog.

It turns out I'm a better writer than computer programer. And I suck at writing, so what does that tell you about my computer skills.

Addy's new friend Phil!

2006-01-23T17:47:00.000-06:00

I've been surfing random blogs today and posting comments on some of them that have captured my attention one way or the other. So in an effort to seem non threatening or strange, I've adopted Phil here, to be my greeter to all of the new visitors I hope will take a peek around the world that is Addy.

P.S. Don't pay attention to Aaron. If you've ever seen the show
" Threes Company"...
Aaron is my Mr. Roeper

Turn Up the Heat, With Partylite

2006-01-20T11:58:00.000-06:00

Since August of 04' I've been involved with the direct sales company, PartyLite.
PartyLite has been selling quality candles and accessories in the United States since 1973, and has expanded into many international markets. You may not have heard of them because we sell only in home demonstrations. I have found the most value in Partylite as compared to other direct sales companies (Avon, Mary Kay, Pampered Chef, Taste of Home, Passion Party) not that there's anything wrong with those, I've just found Partylite to be more satisfying for me.
So what's it all about?
The quality of PartyLite candles continues a tradition set by a New England schoolteacher and entrepreneur, Mabel Baker. In 1905, Mabel began to make candles from the bayberries on Cape Cod. Her business grew and flourished for years as Colonial Candle of Cape Cod. For more about Mabel, click here.
In 1973, Colonial Candle of Cape Cod set up PartyLite Gifts, Inc. to sell excess inventory of candles from their factory and gift shop in Hyannis, Massachusetts.

From those humble beginnings, Mabel's passion grew and GREW.
Mabel Kimball Baker died at the age of ninety-four, in 1965. That year, the business that was built from a bayberry was a $6 million operation!
PartyLite came along in 1973 as an outlet for the excess inventory from Mabel's company, Colonial Candle of Cape Cod. Today, we follow Mabel Baker's tradition of quality with a product line of over 400 candles and accessories each year. Candles are offered in more than 25 fragrances and colors, and a myriad of shapes and sizes. Where and how would you like to place a candle in your home? We've got the perfect one for you!

If you think Partylite is only a fly-by-night operation, check out our timeline of Partylite evolution

1992
PartyLite Canada opened, (yes Mitchieville...you too can have a candle party!)
1993
70,000 square feet of warehouse space opened in Carol Stream, Illinois
1994
Germany opened
1995
Carol Stream warehouse doubled in size
PartyLite Home Office expanded with an attached 20,000-square-foot building
1996
PartyLite United Kingdom opened
New factory opened in Batavia, Illinois
1997
New Home Office building adjacent to the Plymouth Industrial Park building opened, adding 100,000 square feet to the operating space
PartyLite Austria and PartyLite Switzerland opened
Opened a manufacturing facility in Cumbria, England
Opened a distribution center in the Netherlands (known as the European Distribution Center) to service Europe
1998
PartyLite France opened
1999
PartyLite Finland opened
2001
PartyLite Mexico opened
2002
PartyLite Australia opened
2003
PartyLite Sweden opened

So with all of this info, whats next? Well, Have a show!
WHAT IS A SHOW???
Relax at home, with people you enjoy. The PartyLite Consultant (thats me) brings you wonderful candles and fragrances to experience, and lovely things to enjoy. Shop for yourself or for gifts — it's so easy when you can see, smell and touch before you buy. And you'll laugh a lot, too!
Recieve PL Products For FREE!
Hosting a Show is a great way to get the PartyLite items you love at little or no cost. You can create your own list of the candles and accessories you'd like to have free or at half-price, and I will help you get them, just for having a Show. It's like having your own personal shopping spree!
Earn Special Offers!
PartyLite offers special items for Hostesses/Hosts just for holding a show. It's just one more way PartyLite says "thank you" to our valued Hostesses/Hosts.
HERE ARE THE UPCOMMING HOST/HOSTESS SPACIALS FOR YOU IN FEBRUARY!

When you host a PartyLite Show, you’ll be amazed at the rewards. You’ll receive 25% of the sales of your Show as buying credit to choose whatever you want for your home or gift-giving needs. For 25% buying credit, Show sales must be $250 or more and at least one of your friends books and holds their own Show. In addition, PartyLite also offers exclusive free gifts for Hostesses with two or more bookings from the Show.
And I have some specials of my own for my valued hosts/hostesses:

If you would like more information on how the Partylite experience can illuminate your life as a consultant or to see more of Partylite's amazing candles and accessories, go here

Send me an email (or leave a comment) if you would like to book your OWN party with me
(if you are in WI) or if you would like a catalog sent to your home. I will contact you via email or I can call you back if you leave you number. Please, only interested parties contact me. Thats why I've held off this long posting anything on my blog about the Partylite business.
Let the party begin!

The Darwin Awards

2006-01-20T11:03:00.000-06:00

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here then, are the glorious winners.
Darwin Award Winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked...

And now, the Honorable Mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast . The man, frustrated, walked away.
A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER! (Drum Roll Please)
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering human kind, I decided to share these with you. Long live the Darwin Awards

Just Ducky

2006-01-19T16:46:00.000-06:00

(Yahoo! News) Baby squirrel monkey Loki, who lost his mother shortly after his birth eight weeks ago, has grown quite fond of his stuffed toy duck.

HMMM, reminds me of someone, but I can't quite put my finger on it...

Vinny LOVES ducks too. This is Howard and Vinny last year.

I Have Cowfirmation!

2006-01-18T15:41:00.000-06:00

Last week, I inquired about Rumored Facts that float around the net. I asked you for some insight as to the truth of these so called facts.
Well, Ally G, a welcome visitor and commentor on my blog, busied herself in the crusade to find truth. She actually came up with plenty of answers to many of the rumors I listed and very kindly posted them with provided links.
ONE, however, made me laugh so hard that I needed to dedicate this post to the investigative reporting that Ally G provided.

The Rumored Fact was: It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.

Now, I particularly found amusement in uncovering the truth to this rumor because I grew up with a dairy farm in my family. I'm sure all of my Mitchievillian friends will laugh at me more now, but some of the best memories of my childhood are tied into that farm. Though I saw a lot of things on that farm, I never witnessed a cow in the situation of having to walk down a flight of stairs. But God as my witness, I know they can climb rocks----up and down. I'm talking boulders, and the cows mastered those, so why not stairs?!?
I never thought I'd find any info on the fact though. BUT Ally G DID:
Ally found the professionals at BOVINE DESCENDERS

Here are some excerpts from their informative and unique website. Though I suggest visiting on your own to better understand this dilemma our bovine counterparts no longer have to face alone anymore thanks to the caring individuals at Bovine Descenders.

With cows being led upstairs, either deliberately by people ignorant of the prime cow / stairs principle, or accidentally, on a regular basis, work has come thick and fast, and Bovine Descenders is now the world-wide leader in the getting-cows-down-stairs field.

"It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs, because a cows' knees can't bend properly to walk back down."Source: "45 Fun Facts About Cows"
Believe it or not, there are people in this world who are not aware of this fact. Additionally, it's a fact that's easy to forget. So obviously, there is a need for a professional company whose staff:
Know this fact
Are experienced in getting cows downstairs

The Pro's even give some tips as to what you can do if ever caught in the situation where you have a cow stranded up a flight of stairs:

How can you help?
"Relax lady, we're professionals."
With fifteen years of experience of cow descending, there's not a bovine around that cannot be got downstairs by Bovine Descenders. We are fully equipped with the latest in bovine descending technology to make the job as painless and stress-free as possible.

However, depending on your location, it may take us a little time to reach you and your upstairs cow, so, until we arrive, here are some handy "Dos and Don'ts"

Don't:
Call the fire brigade; who will just laugh at you
Attempt under any circumstances to get a cow downstairs without professional help

Do:
Keep children and pets out of the immediate area
Shut the windows to prevent any escape attempt
Put on some relaxing music; but not 'Eternal Flame' by The Bangles, which has been known to induce diarrhoea (I know it does for me!)
Get a mop and bucket ready
CALL BOVINE DESCENDERS NOW

With the quality professionals at Bovine Descenders on hand, you can rest assured that your milk will be on the breakfast table, and not on your stairs!
Great work Ally G!

More extreme sports gone wrong

2006-01-18T10:04:00.000-06:00

I've been getting these crazy photos emailed to me lately. I'm sure they've circulated around the web like 10,000 times before and I'm the only lame ass that hasn't seen it.
But THIS one in particular baffled me. I can't tell if it's for real or not. Though it is entirely possible and is one of the reasons I'll never bungee jump.
That, and I'm fond of my retinas remaining connected to my eyeballs.

Always Have A Back Up Plan

2006-01-17T16:41:00.000-06:00

Since Barry heard the East Alligator River in Australia's Northern Territory was misnamed, he took his chances in an extreme parachute landing, hoping the water would be a safer place to land. Barry was right, the East Alligator River WAS misnamed...

It contains crocodiles, not alligators.

Good Bye Barry.

Golden Showers, What's the Big Deal?

2006-01-17T08:19:00.000-06:00

Since you already know my stance on certain sexual heighteners such as Sex Swings and Passion Parties, I thought I would clear the air on another uncomfortable practice many of you have not dared try.

The Golden Shower, Described by Wikipedia as such: Urolagnia (also known as urophilia) is a paraphilia involving sexual attraction to urine.
People with urolagnia often like to urinate in public, or urinate on, or be urinated on by other people, and may drink the urine. The consumption of urine is urophagia. Some like to watch others doing these things. These activities are often described by the euphemisms "golden showers" or "watersports" (which should not be confused with water sports).
As a sexual fetish, urine may be consumed or the person may bathe oneself in it. Other variations include arousal from wetting or seeing someone else wet their pants or underclothes, or wetting the bed. For some individuals the phenomenon may include a diaper fetish and/or arousal from infantilism. Watersports may also be used in a BDSM scene as a form of humiliation, sometimes involving desperation until incontinence or infantilization, sometimes physical humiliation associated with being urinated on or pressured to consume urine.
Urolagnia is sometimes associated with, or confused with, a sexual attraction to someone experiencing the discomfort or pain of a full bladder, a sadomasochistic inclination.

OK, now that you're all throughly uncomfortable with the literary word, let me tell you that I've had a Golden Shower. Many times. Though my experiences are not as exciting, or absolutely disguisting as the descriptions of above that some blessed pervert is enjoying right at this moment.
No, the golden showers I've recieved are not to reach new climax as my partner eliminates on me...
NO. My kids piss on me.
It hadn't happened to me in quite some time. Having a daughter now, reduces some of the risk I had become all to aware of with having a son first. With a baby boy, it is no different than what you see in the movies as slapstick comedy. You're changing the diaper of your beautiful baby boy, and all of a sudden there is an amazing stream of piss shooting over your head not unlike the water and lights shows in Vegas. In a mad panic, you place your hand over the infant geiser in an attempt to sustain any further damage, but it can't be contained. I wouldn't think thier urethras would even be so strong to produce such velocity!
After 7 or 8 times of getting doused in the face with my sons "refined formula", I learned how to efficeintly change Vinny without the Golden Shower. I can't tell you how many times had to wash that wall though after fine tuning my cat-like reflexes to save myself from complete urination devastation.

Well, Last night, my daughter gave me a "golden shower".
(I can just see some perve trying to look up info on this subject on the web, when my blog pops up, next thing you know-- I'm whisked to jail for sexually assulting an infant by my own confession)
As I was attempting to change Maddy, she began squirming, like she ALWAYS does now. So, Keeping ONE hand on her, I bent down to grab a toy to distract her so I could finish the job.
(boy, this is sounding more & more incriminating as I go on)
As she was delightfully intrigued by her lights and sounds toy, I removed the old diaper from beneath her. As I was cleaning her up, I noticed her little eyes light up and she smiled at me. Mommy that I am, I went to give her a little eskimo kiss on her button nose, when all of a sudden, I feel a warm rush of fluid all over my hand and it began running down my wrist and arm. This quickly turned into a difficult situation. Her PJ's were sopping wet, the changing mat was soaked, and I'm forced to wipe my pee'd on arm in my t-shirt so I can tend to Miss Madison who has made an extreme mess of things. The only thought that ran through my head at that moment was how I could remove my t-shirt without pulling it over my head.

So, as I have contemplated different sexual experiences, weighing the pros and cons evenly, I've decided that anything my child has done to me before a sexual partner has, is definitely on my "don't touch it" list.
Maybe I'll play it safe and go with the "Dirty Sanchez" next time.

Fed Up US Troops Draw Up Own Exit Strategy

2006-01-16T09:09:00.000-06:00

Citing the Bush Administrations ongoing refusal to provide a timetable for withdrawl, the US troops stationed in Iraq have devised their own exit strategy.

In a striking rebuke of the assertions that a swift exit is neither practical or possable, solidiers of varying rank have outlined a straightforward plan of immediate disengagement, dubbed "Operation Screw This."

Staff Sgt. Cornelieus Woods was later seen gelaming at the chalk laid exodus schematics as he rested his hands on his utility belt and assuringly nodded, "Yes-Sir-EEE-Bob, it's a good plan, it's a good plan. By this time tomorrow, we will have retaken our positions at our families' dinner tables in full force"

Put the apple pie on the window sill to cool and get your laundry hung outside. The troops are coming home.

Rumored "Facts" I want to put to rest

2006-01-13T10:01:00.000-06:00

If you're like me, you get tons of emails from "friends" that have all of these funny, unknown facts for you to waste your time reading. Thses "friends" never bother to write anything to you personally, they just forward all of this shit to you. And if you're like me, you read it, at least most of the time.
Well since the blogosphere is worldwide, I want to display some of these
So- called facts up here that deal with culture and sex. My intent is that hopefully, readers FROM those countries and cultures respond and put my mind at ease with the knowledge of truth.
Are they true or false?:

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animalis punishable by death.

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sexorgans of the deceased must be coveredwith a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick??)

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins,who pay them for the privilege of having sex forthe first time
Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only doso with her bare hands. The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England but only in tropical fish stores.

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. ( I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150calories an hour. (Who volunteers for this stuff?)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that havesex for pleasure. That one I already knew.

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight (knew that), can pull 30 times its own weight (knew that) and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. WTF?!?(From drinking little bottles of ... ?)

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.

No piece of paper can be folded in halfmore than seven (7) times. This I've herad before and I want to know

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are 50 years of age or older
(Then by the time Bush finishes out his second term, Oak Trees will be gone)

The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.

The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. So did the first " Marlboro Man. BIG SURPRISE, this I don't doubt is fact.

Walt Disney was afraid of mice. He was a tormented man

Pearls melt in vinegar.

The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

And ... Turtles can breathe through their butts.

If I can't get any confirmation from people about these, I'm going out and getting a dolphin, a drunken ant, a coconut, paper, a donkey and my step brother (inside joke) , some pearls and vinegar (wasn't that a Tampax ad campaign?)
a cow with a stairmaster, and a duck in a tunnel.
The toothbrush and the turtle breathing through it's ass I'll take as fact and not put my hypothesis' to the test.
If you're like me, you want to know too...if you're not like me, I apoligize. You need to leave now.