Happy Birthday Madison!

Try to look at this post like the "E TRUE HOLLYWOOD" Stories. First hand accounts, with factual information spread throughout. Granted, most of you won't be interested in educating yourselves about the day my daughter was born, but it was important for me to document this on her first birthday. So you're welcome to comment on my story if you'd like or share your own experiences if you prefer. It's not often that I do the "mommy blog" stuff, only when it really holds special value to me. The following is a shining example of that sentiment.


At this very moment (9 am), 365 days ago, I was at West Allis Memorial in the Woman's Pavillion preparing to meet my daughter for the first time. I already knew she was rambunctious and had big feet from the way she was kicking me inside.

April 19th was the estimated due date that Dr. Caldwell had given us, which made sense because it meant Kevin and I had sex around our Anniversary. Go figure.
As my due date fast approached, I wanted to make damn sure this baby didn't pull any
"over due" tricks on me.
It's bad enough my bills are always over due, my kids don't have that kind of clout yet. With Vinny, his due date was November 17th and he was born on the 22nd, of June. Just kidding, I wanted to see if you were paying attention. With the 1st baby, they say they won't let you go anymore than 2 weeks past your due date before they induce you.
What does it mean to induce labor?
If your labor hasn't started on its own, your practitioner can use certain techniques to bring on (or "induce") contractions. She can use some of the same procedures to augment, or speed up, your labor if you stop progressing for some reason. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control, about one in five births in the United States is induced.
Well 2 weeks was TOO long for me to wait for Mr. Vinny, so I reluctantly agreed to give Vin 5 more days before I evicted his ass. As it turned out, I needed to be induced anyway cause Vinny was a no show. All Dr. Caldwell had to do was assist in breaking my water.
• Rupturing the membranes.
If your cervix is at least a few centimeters dilated, your practitioner can insert a small, plastic hooked instrument into it and break your bag of waters. This procedure causes no more discomfort than a vaginal exam. If your cervix is very ripe and ready for labor, there's a small chance that this alone might be enough to get your contractions going. If that doesn't happen, your practitioner will give you the drug oxytocin (Pitocin) through an IV. Once your water has broken, most practitioners will want you to deliver within the next 12 to 24 hours because the risk of infection for you and your baby increases over time.
Yeah, 12-24 hours my tail feathers! Vinny was born approximately 60 minutes later. Start to finish, 5 full pushes, 3 half pushes...don't ask me what the difference is cause it all feels the same.
So after that, Addy was diagnosed with having a condition known as "Precipitous labor"
Precipitous Labor
What is it?
A labor that is less than 3 hours from start of contractions through birth. (yeah, thats me!)
How Common is it?
Probably less than 5% of births (I do not have exact statistics). The rates for first time moms are much lower than the rates for women who have given birth before. (didn't stop me!)
Why is it a problem?
Emotionally stressful for the family: (No, not for family, for ME)panic, fear, sense of being out of control. Intense contractions can be very painful (YEAAAHH), and there’s often no time for medication (Thanks for that info NOW).
Some risk of damage to the baby’s head (Vinny had a cone head)and to the mother’s perineum. (Yes. And we'll just leave that one alone)
What can you do to help prevent it?
Cocaine use is clearly associated with precipitous labor. (Thats new to me, and NO I don't do crack) Poor nutrition might be associated.(ok I can vouch for that one)
Beyond those, it appears to be a combination of anatomical issues: small babies,
(Vinny was 8lbs 2oz, 22 in long, hardly small) large bony pelvises(guilty as charged), or soft, pliable genital tissue.
What can you do about it? (RUN! RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!)
If your labor begins with very rapid, intense contractions that cannot be managed with comfort techniques, call your caregiver. Go to the hospital immediately. Whenever possible, lie on your side, rather than standing or sitting.
If you feel your body pushing and you cannot stop it,(WHICH I DID) or if you or your partner can see the baby’s head at the vaginal opening,(Which he did) call 911 and request assistance and advice.
Now that you're up to date on all of my medical conditions, lets get you up to speed with Miss Madison's big debut. Ok, so we've already concluded that my body has a hard time wanting to go into labor (smart body) but once it does, there's no stopping it. And the fact that it's extremely painful and fast doesn't give me much of a window for pain management, meaning The Epidural.
What is an Epidural?
A needle is placed between the vertebrae into a space called an epidural space. Medication is then placed into this space. A small catheter is then threaded through the needle into the space and the needle withdrawn. The catheter is left in placed and taped so that it does not move. You can then be given a continuous small amount of medication or be given a bolus dose when you begin to have pain. An epidural relaxes the pelvic muscles and the nerves are bathed in the local anesthetic medication which causes an insensitivity to pain. You will still feel the pressure of the contractions and the urge to push. After the baby is born, the catheter is removed.

With Vinny, by the time the idiot Anesthesiologist got there and was ready to insert the largest needle I've ever seen, directly into my spine (which I was totally cool with by that point and believe me I HATE, HATE needles) Kevin barely had enough time to cower and hide in the corner, because I then TOLD everyone the baby was coming. They didn't believe me, until they looked down and SAW Mr. Vinny looking like, I can only imagine, Jack Nicholson in THE SHINING..."HERE'S JOHNNY!"
Vinny beat the doctors to his own delivery, we shouldn't have had to pay for them! We even had to pay for the god damn epidural that I wasn't given!

I heard the nurse say, "Dr. Caldwell is 15 min out".
"Well, Thats too long!" The other paniced nurse shouted, "This baby is right here"
"The back up Dr. is on his way in 5 minutes, ok sweetie" the nurse tried to calm me down when she looked to be more nervous than I.
The "back up Dr." just doesn't sound comforting to begin with, but it didn't matter. Osama could've been in that room and the only thing I would've wanted him to do was catch. Vinny also beat the back up doc, so kudos to him! And he pee'd on the nurse. Hee hee.

So here I am, going into round 2, less than a year- and- a-half later with all of this knowledge. I was terrified because I knew what was going to happen.

Though with Madison, the estimated due date was April 19th and Dr. Caldwell was a good enough man to say, "Why wait! Come in on the 19th and you'll have your baby". He too, already knew what to expect, so this time, he only went down the hallway of labor and delivery, so he wouldn't be late for this birth too. The primary nurse with us that day was also skeptical of my speedy deliveries. She seemed to be one of those nurses whose seen it all, with the gray bun on her head to prove her experience. I thought to myself, "Lady, I'm not like Mr. McFeely, I AM Mrs. McFeely"- "SPEEDY DELIVERY!" You get it??? Mr. McFeely... the postman... on Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood? He would always say "Speedy Delivery!" God you people are pathetic.

So Doctor Caldwell, once again, broke my water, no pitocin needed, he then left the room and waited at the nurses station for the show to begin. Meanwhile, our doubting head nurse was asking me to rate my pain on a scale of 1-10 (1 being little to no pain, 10 being the finger of God) I said I was about a 3. I was actually like a 1, but I knew if I said that, she would want to make me wait longer for the epidural, when I KNEW things were going to change very rapidly. She asked if I wanted a...and before she could finish, I jumped in and said, "yesIwantanepidural!!!" She said she would alert the anesthesiologist, and left the room.

We also had a student nurse in the room with us, observing a "normal birth" for credit in her class. She was very nice and concerned. By the book, would be a good way to describe her because she had no other experience. Well, the head nurse left, and approximately 5 minutes later, terrible contractions came on, and only the student nurse was in the room. She ran out to get help, leaving Kevin to be my coach. He really was great, both times. He did learn that when I'm feeling extreme pain or sickness, I don't like to be touched-at all, and he reinforced those rules when Madison was being born.
When the nurses did come to my aid, they talked me through my contraction and let me know when it was subsiding, as they can monitor them with a machine. No disrespect to technology, but I could fuckin' tell when one was comming on or subsiding. The student nurse gently rubbed my leg and whispered that I was doing a great job. Kevin politely intervened and said "Uh, she doesn't like to be touched." I felt a kinda' bad, but Kevin was really helping me as I didn't have the energy to say it myself.
I did manage to mutter to Kevin for him to find out where Epidural man was hiding, as I didn't think I had much time left before Madison was busting out of her cocoon.
We were assured that I would recieve the epidural very soon. My contractions became VERY strong and less than a minute apart when the drug dealer of my dreams waltzed through the door. As I was struggling through the pain of my child wedging her way through my pelvic cavity, "Dr. Quinn" was attempting to explain to me, the potential down sides to this medication.
"You'll lose feeling from the waist down and may not regain it for several hours, making it impossible to get up"
"If the neural sac is punctured, you may become paralyzed and...."

YES YES YES....just plug the shit in my back!
By the time he was done jabbering, Maddy decided it was time to check out of hotel mama, so ONCE AGAIN, Addy went Au' Natural with child birth. 2 for 2!
The head nurse couldn't believe it as she checked me only to find that, just like Vinny had, Maddy was comin' ---ready or not. She ran over to the intercom and was franticly pushing the red button to alert the nurses desk where Dr Caldwell was waiting.
"Dr Caldwell! Dr. Caldwell! We need you NOW! Dr. Caldwell!" Even in my anguish, I had to laugh at the sight of her on that intercom. Dr. Caldwell came into the room with this calm look on his face, looked down at my crowning daughter, and said with a smile, "You're doing great Adrianne, you don't even need me here!"
"Great" I sighed.
About 5 or 6 pushes later, Miss Madison had made her way into this world. Her first great battle in this life, and it only took her 40 minutes to conquer! When the other nurses rushed Madison away to clean her off and take her stats, the head nurse looked over at Dr. Caldwell, who was still tending to me, and she shook her head and said,
"Well Scott (Dr. Caldwell) you were right, that was precipitous labor!"

He just looked at her and grinned, "I know, I told you so!"

Madison was 7lbs 11oz (lucky 7 11) and 20 in long.
She was born at 10:11 am (my water broke at 9:40 am)
It was kinda funny for that student nurse though...when her instructor came in to check on how "mom was doing with labor", she entered the room to find me holding Madison, all bundled up, and the room had already been cleared of excess monitors and staff. "What's going on?" She thought she was in the wrong delivery room. The student explained that she didn't even get enough notes because it went so fast. The instructor looked at me and said, "You still look great, your make up is perfect and you're not even sweating?!!"
I replied, "Well I knew my husband would take embarrassing pictures, so I wanted to be prepared."
The instructor looked at her student and told her that she shouldn't get use to experiences like this one because they don't happen often. Well, little girls like Madison don't come around often either.













One year. It goes by in an instant.



Happy Birthday Baby.