Baby's crying again....IT'S YOUR TURN BEEYATCH

I am revising little bits and pieces of this post as my hubby felt he was shed in a bad light, which wasn't really my intention when I wrote this. So anything you'll notice in red print are my new revisions. Happy now Mr. Prad? Love ya!
When you first have a baby, their cries of helplessness and total dependency melt your heart, and you flock to their every need...
THEN- a couple of months go by and you find yourself smack dab in the middle of a moral dilemma.
"Should I go get her? ....Or should I let her cry it out?"
My Mitchievillian bloggers had the saying,
"If you ignore the crying baby, it will stop." headlining their blog for quite some time.
Well, that does not work with this little girl I've got living in my house.
So like most couples deal with crying children in the middle of night, I try to wait it out until my husband goes and gets her. It solves all my problems! Yeah right. Sometimes I'm fortunate enough to be in a deep coma where I don't even hear the crying, but Kevin swears that I practically force him out of bed to go care for our whimpering infant, even in my sleep.

This is a very true statement because he told me this himself!!!
We're usually pretty good about alternating duty when the kids wake up at night, but last night was just hellish, wrapped in a demonic blanket. Kevin is very good about getting up with the kids, especially after they were first born. Kevin would let me get my sleep and he would have baby duty all through the night. Even when I was nursing, Kevin was my rock. He would feed me graham crackers and juice while I held Vinny, and then Maddy, while they nursed. He really helped me keep up my energy, and my spirits during a very tough time for me.
Let me take you there.
12:09 am- Maddy cries. Prepare routine bottle, resnuggle baby, turn on mobile, quietly exit castle room and return to bed, still in half sleep mode

12:20 am- Maddy cries again, usually means baby lost the bottle. Reconfigure comfortable angle of bottle, quietly exit.
12:21 am- Damn door clicks when trying to close it quietly, baby cries again. This time, baby must be picked up and snuggled for a few minutes to calm her down. Place her back in crib, tip toe back to bed after
ever- so- gingerly closing nursery door.
12:42 am- More crying. This time, I just lay very still in bed and regulate my breathing so husband will assume I'm sleeping and answer this call himself. Yes, i did do that
12:45 am- Maddy continues crying even after Kevin goes to her aid
12:48 am- Severe crying ensumes, now mixed with shrillish screams and hyperventillation. Guilt begins to well over me
12:49 am- Re-enter the scene to find red-cheeked, tear stained, sniffling infant being held by equally red-cheeked, tear stained, father with blood shot eyes. He was very tired, underestandibly

I aimlessly stumble around in the dark to find the Infants Tylenol, as we evaluated her condition is due to teething. Trip over toy radio that makes the sound of a clowns car horn and it begins playing "You're a grand old flag" which in turn makes Maddy cry again.
12:58 am- At this point, Kevin & I just laugh at each other's attempts to soothe this very unhappy little human as we basically scratch our heads and asses (I scratched my head, he scratched his ass) as to what to do. OK, he didn't scratch his ass, but it was funny and he does do it often enough that it would have fit the moment anyway
1:05 am- Husband returns to comfortable, pillow ridden california king size bed, leaving me...with her. He did go to bed, but Kev needed to get up at 5am to get ready for work, he just started his new job at GE Medical(yeah Kevin!) so he needs to be at his best
I begin to hallucinate, my muscles tremble and due to my hysterics... I'm whisked into a game show setting, where I'm apparently loosing my ass to someone who hasn't even lived long enough to see all the phases of the moon.
In the distance I hear a mans voice....

"Ladies and Gentlemen, It's time for another exciting round of...

(roaring applause)

By the way, that is NOT a picture of my daughter. Though she does have many similarities to this Angry Baby

and the omniscient announcer continues speaking...

"The Game Show where contestant parents try to soothe unruly babies in a conquest for sleep! Who will succeed? Who will fail? Ask the Angry Baby!"

"Our first contestant is a fiery red-head that is highly proficient in snuggling, diaper tossing and bringing stuffed animal's to life . Lets give it up for...Mama Addy!" (applause)

"What will be our contestants first question for angry baby?"

At this point, I try sitting down in the glider rocker with Maddy. "Okay sweetie, you wanna' sit with mumma and rock?"

Omniscient announcer interjects in a PGA whisperish tone, "She's trying the glider now, a no fail technique that worked wonders with her first born." Omniscient announcer gives play-by-play updates to the intrigued audience as I try working my motherly magic.

"Angry Baby seems to like this technique, her eyes are beginning to roll back in her little head. Mama Addy may have this one in the bag, although Angry Baby has only fallen asleep in Mama Addys arms a select few times, lets watch and see what transpires...."

As I attempt to stand and walk her over to her crib, Maddy begins to awaken, so I go into the "bounce and sway" motion to seduce her back to sleep.

"Oh what a pro Mama Addy is" Omniscient announcer says, "She's going right into the bounce and sway motion. That really is a lost art form folks."

I go to lay Maddy down, keeping her body entirely parallel to the mattress so I don't jar her in any way, shape or form. Anticipation grows in the audience of Ask The Angry Baby...

"This could be it...Mama Addy has comforted Angry Baby in less than five questions, this could be a new record....but wait! Angry Baby is stirring, Mama Addy couldn't slide her hand out from beneath Angry Baby's body---She's awake!"

And then.....AAAAAHHAHHAHHAHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!shit.

I hurrily grasp her close to me and begin bouncing her. "It's ok sweetie, it's ok" I repeat to her over and over. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHAHHAHHHAHH! She just keeps crying.

1:32 am- AAAAAAHHHHHHHAHAHHAHHA!

"Do you want your bottle sweetie?"

Omniscient announcer keeping quick tabs on my questions, "Oh, she's resorting to Asking Angry Baby again. Lets see how this question pans out for her."

AAHHH AAh *gurgle *gurgle *slurp*...AAAAHHHHHHHAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

"Well that was a waste of a question and Mama Addy is quickly losing sleep as well this battle with Angry Baby"

I started losing my patience too.

"Do you want your nuk Maddy?"

-AAAHHH!!! *suck* suck* PTEWEY! AAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

So I lay Maddy back down, screaming relentlessly,in the crib and walk away to think. It was either that or make the daybreak news with a case of shaken baby syndrome.

"What is Mama Addy Doing? She'll never win this game that way, she knows that. Wait! She's returning with something in her hand...it's- it's Baby Orajel Nighttime Formula. There's no stopping her now, the only thing left would be a shot of bourbon with a Nyquil chaser, duely beneficial in this case."

I picked Maddy up and wiped all the snot off of her face after her cry-a-thon and she just stared at me like "You b***h. How could you?!!"

I squeezed an ample amount of Orajel on my finger and wiped it on every inch of possible teething gum line in her mouth. Of course Maddy makes nothing easy...

Omniscient announcer educates the nail biting crowd...

"Mama Addy is skillfully dodging the blows Angry Baby is throwing with all of her appendages, including lethal headbuts. To our devoted Ask the Angry Baby Audience, be advised, once those fontanels have fused, your infant is a killing maching with a cannonball melon"

I let the medicine do it's stuff as I cradled Maddy in her warm fleece blanket.

1:58 am- Finally, Maddy fell asleep asleep. Thank the Lord Above, or the makers of Orajel.

As I crept out of Maddys room with cat like precision that would make Indiana Jones shudder, the applause faded into the background and I heard the omniscient announcer say,

"That'll do it for our latest exciting round of..."

2:12 am- I finally lie down.

(By the way Kevin was still slightly awake wondering what I did to our child to quiet her down)

4:15 am- Vinny wakes up crying....

If you thought this took forever to read...try living it!