Cinco de Crappo

I'm surprised at the lack of blogs spreading the holiday cheer for Cinco De Mayo. The only people encouraging the festivities around here are Corona and Tostito's.

I'm not going to get into the history of Cinco De Mayo, because it really doesn't matter. I'm not trying to appear biggoted, because most Mexicans can't even tell you what Cinco De Mayo is all about.

I grew up on the South side of Milwaukee, which quickly became the central hub for anyone whose first (and only) language was Spanish. It got so bad in fact, that the local bank on 16th and Mitchell had a sign for their customers specifying which tellers spoke ENGLISH. And just a side note about 16th Street...it's name was changed to Ceasar E Chavez Blvd. For what, you ask?
I couldn't say.

Don't get me wrong, I have many friends that are of Latin/Spanish/Mexican heritage, and make sure not to confuse any of those for one of the other, cause they'll kill ya'

I just never agreed with the mentality that people should be allowed to break the laws of this country, in order to demonstrate and celebrate their independance in another country.
I've seen some low ridin' Monte Carlo's with Mexican flags drapped over them, running red lights and blaring thier horns (that play La Cucaracha) as though they're participating in a New Orleans funeral. I've witnessed drunken hermanos stumbling through Mitchell Park in their cowboy boots and matching sombrerros, shooting off El Pistolas. What's worse, is that it's next to the Mitchell Park Domes, which is one of the only greenhouse conservatory sites of its kind, composing of 3 large glass "domes" (hence the name...duhh) and their unloading some extra rounds only a few yards away! That kinda' sends a confusing message when they're donning a huge gold amulet with Our Lady of Guadalupe on it.

If they really want to remind themselves of what Cinco De Mayo is all about, they should pool their money together, that they would normally wire back to Mexico, and buy a few hundred round trip tickets to Spain or even better- France, and there, do a million man mexican hat dance on Napolean's grave. Thats where the focus needs to be reshifted in order for the future generations of Mexicans to be able to truley embrace their heritage. Not by teaching their kids that it's ceremonial tradition to tie the mexican flag around their shoulders and parade around the halls of their high school's like the test tube offspring of Superman and Speedy Gonzales.

I'm sure Bush has seen his share of gun slinging compadres, being that Texas has become one of the first staging points for most " new immigrants". And I'm sure that during his stay in the Governor's office, Bush had many of them cook up his favorite Southwest dishes, otherwise he would threaten them with execution.

"Don't push me Paco, I've already fried half of you buggers today, don't make me flip that switch agian amigo! Now, go cook me a chimichanga ya' beaner"

!Feliz Cinco De Mayo!

I know that first exclaimation point is supposed to be upside down. Maybe the mexicans should protest to Bill Gates to create a special key with an upside down exclaimation point so their sentiments will be carried out appropriately.