Ex's with benefits

I've recently listened to a podcast
(I won't mention whose, or where, as to avoid their getting big head syndrome) and one of the issues that was mentioned, was being friends with your ex.

Is is ok to remain friends with someone whom you've dated and have (probably) been intimate with, when you're no longer romanticlly involved?

What about when you and your ex have moved on (though some do while you're STILL dating)
Is it ok to "touch base" with an old flame if your paths cross?
Do you tell your new partner, or treat it as though it was any other old friend you ran into?

So many questions surround this issue, and I'd like to lay some of it out on the table in traditional Addy style. Which means I'll be getting comments from people with the numbers for marital counselors. Yeah, you can save that cotton candy for some other guppie.

I will say this right out and I will stand by my statement till the end of time.
I believe that there is NOTHING wrong with someone being able to re-connect with an individual from their past, if thier intention is to do nothing more than to see how they've been.
The catch is, that everything should line up appropriately, so as to not put yourself in a very delicate/dangerous situation. If your current significant other does not support the interaction, then you shouldn't do it.
I know some of you are probably fuming right now, and couldn't disagree with me more. And I'm sure they are the same bunch of people that know me personally!

Now, to be perfectly clear, I'm definitely NOT saying it's ok to lie and cheat on your partner with an ex. I'm big enough to admit that in my younger, "crazy" days, I've been on both sides of that web, and neither one is fun to be on when the shit hits the fan.
You'll always end up alone.

I'm simply saying, that I see no harm in a quick, "Hey how've you been? Are you still....Great. And your job is....wow, good for you!"

Though it is easier if you're single, as most things are, except the costs of living single. You are only bound to your own morals and decisions about communicating with an ex.
Well, what if you LIVE with your boyfriend or girlfriend? As unfortunate as it sounds...it's still only temporary. There's only two ways to go when you Co-habitate. You either make it permanent and legal and get married if that person means enough to you, or typically, one person decides marriage is not what they want and the co habitators go their separate ways. Then in fists of rage, the broken couple begin bar hopping again with their single friends or contacting their exs in a desperate attempt to once again feel "whole". Does that then make it ok to contact an ex, when you're trying to one-up or cause jealousy in someone who hurt you?

Understanding your circumstances is critical. I know couples that are totally cool with their significant others hanging out with people of the opposite sex. On the other hand, I also know couples (some married, some not) that can't even fathom the idea of their "better half" conversing with someone without their prior approval.

When you're married, I feel, running into an ex is MUCH easier than doing so when you're single. When you're married, all bets are off. You no longer live to only satisfy yourself. You made a promise to someone else to sustain them and prioritize their needs, most times above your own. If you still choose to engage in an extra marital relationship with an ex, or with anyone for that matter, it is a decision with ramifications most people are ill prepared to deal with.
I love the reaction I've gotten when I've run into some exs over these past few years that I've been married. And more importantly, had children. They're always like, "HEY!!!! How the heck are you!" all smiley and approachable. Then they see the BLING and idiotically ask, "Are you getting married?"
When I tell them that I AM married, the response never fails them. They look at me with sarcastic eyes and say, "AWE, and you didn't even invite Me!" to which I've replied,
"Well, I would've, but my husbands ex-wife brought a date, and that was our last chair."
Then the jaws drop when I tell them I'm a mom...of 2. See, it's great catching up, especially when I find they've done nothing more with their lives besides anxiously awaiting Summerfest each year.
I've been fortunate, I think, to have sustained a tolerable, friendly exchange with the men I was once involved with. Don't get ahead of yourselves, because there haven't been that many.

I'm what you would call a "lifer" in a relationship. I look for the best in that person, and slowly, as they start to screw me over, I always refer back to those redeeming qualities that attracted me to them initially, thus giving them chance after chance to make amends.
And once I'm no longer tied to them by the binds of a relationship, I hold no bitter grudges. It's a lot like once someone dies, you only have the best things to say about that person.

A perfect example of this, is an ex of mine, (and again, I won't name names). We dated for a few years, and he was controlling and jealous most times. Despite that, we always made each other laugh. After we went our separate ways, we occasionally went to a movie, or to grab a bite to eat and we were actually more compatible NOT being a couple. He wasn't a crazed psycho path anymore, and I could care less if he banged 12 shot girls in one night...because he wasn't coming home to me anymore!
Long story short, I still cross paths with him every now and again, as he works somewhere I do business. We're very friendly to one another, he always asks to see the latest pictures of my kids and I always come home and tell Kevin when I've seen my ex. It's never been a problem for my husband, yet I've heard whispers on the wind, that there are "others" who think less of me for engaging with such a cad. To them, I give the razberries, and tell them to resume sticking their heads in a hole, and keep pretending that these situations never occur.
De-Nile is not just a long river in Egypt.

The way I've always felt about matters of past relationships, ex's (meaning boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands and wives) and old flames: These people helped shape who we are. Better or worse, when you invite someone to share in your life, you take a little piece of that person with you. And that individual you share your life with presently, who loves you for who you are (hopefully) good and bad, through and through, has those past relationships partially to thank.
So how do I feel about Ex's with benefits (which is one step below friends with benefits, meaning, the ex's benefit is to be a friend. Deep. I know) again, I hate to get Dr. Philosophical here, but, if it's something you wouldn't feel comfortable doing right in front of your significant other, you shouldn't do it at all. But that rule applies to more than just ex's.

Gotcha thinking about your ex's now don't I?
Well why don'tcha get all stalkerish, look em' up on the net, give em' a call, and use me as the lame excuse for why you're calling!

God knows, I've been blamed for worse.