Effin' Noodles & Company

I have absolutely no energy to do anything today. Which is why I've had a spare hour to blog (shhh! we'll just tell my husband I was dusting his tv)

It's this food poisoning hang over I'm positive I got from a dish I had at Noodles & Company yesterday. Let me take you back...

Once in a great while, I will go somewhere other than Burger King for my lunch break. I work in Brookfield and BK is right across the street, tasty AND convenient! I always get shit from the people I work with because of our occupations of dealing in the modeling industry.

"How can you eat that?!!"
"Do you know how many calories are in there?"
"A moment on the lips, an eternity on the hips honey"
"Don't let your students see you eating that, because they surely can't"

Blah blah friggity blah!
So I decided to treat myself with a little pasta dish I've become fond of at Noodles & Company. And this way, everyone would get off of my ass about my food chioces. I took my food to go and noticed when I got back to the agency, that my pasta had chicken in it. Thats fine, but I didn't pay for chicken. *At Noodles & Company, all you get is noodles. Chicken is extra, beef is extra, shrimp is extra, spice is extra, the air you breathe is extra inside Noodles & Company.
SO I looked at it as a lucky lunch day. I only ate about half of it when my hunger faded. It just didn't taste the same this time. I went back to work, recruiting Wisconsin's most sought after beauty and talent for an upcomming elite fashion show to raise money for the Boys and Girls clubs
(a very near and dear foundation to me, I'll be in it!)
All of a sudden, I became dizzy and broke out in a cold sweat. Pam, my boss and agent, looked at me and asked if I was ok. I didn't know. I brushed it off and tried to concentrate on the task at hand, but then, my stomach was struck with such pain, I knew something bad was about to happen.
Honestly, I have not felt cramping, stomach pain like that, since I was passing another human through my pelvic cavity. Really, it was THAT bad.

Pam went to get me some water and by the time she gave it to me, I knew I was going to puke. I cannot stand vomitting! I know, you're thinking,
"Well who the hell enjoys it?" I know people that can puke on a daily basis and be ok with the fact that they're going to do it again tomorrow. Those people would probably also enjoy chewing glass tainted with TB for all I know. I was lucky enough that I didn't get that sick when I was prego with my kids, if I had, there probably wouldn't be two of them to talk about!
I rushed into the bathroom, where there is only one stall, held my hair back and waited for the worst. I didn't have to wait long. My body heaved back and out came Noodles & Company in a very, impressionistic style. All swirled together in that once gleaming white toilet bowl. Then it happened again, and again. It was horrible.
After I cleaned myself up, as well as the toilet, I tried to put a light hearted, sarcastic spin on things, as I normally do. I walked back into my office where Pam sat waiting, all doe eyed and concerned.
I said, "Well, now it's official, here I am throwing up my lunch in the bathroom of the modeling agency I work for. Is there a model call tonight my body's warning me about?"
Pam, of course, just laughed.

The plague subsided, but Pam wanted me to wait until I felt better to attempt to drive home in the snow. I was ok the entire way home, until I got within a block of my house.
Has that ever happened to you? Your brain subliminally tells your body you're almost home and that you can now relax. Then all of a sudden you feel like you really have to pee or shit? Isn't that crazy?
Well, I barely made it through the door before the second wave of Noodles & Company struck again. My dad, anxiously waiting for me to get home, after being stuck with my two little terrors of children, didn't even have time to give me the re-cap of their day. I ran through the door, threw my things on the floor, tripped over my elderly labrador
(yee haw, that ryhmed!) and plummeted down to the "basement bathroom". Thats when you know it's bad. My husband always goes down there, so at least there's magazines and air freshener.
After the Angel of Death passed over my house, I resurfaced to greet my kids and explain to my dad that I surely thought I was dying. If it wasn't for the fact that I have my *problem (*see period) I would otherwise be convinced I was pregnant again. Then heads would really roll.

So I am now boycotting Noodles & Company for their neglegence of serving me with toxic chicken. Burger King has NEVER done me wrong and I whole heartidly apologize to them for doubting their exquisite menu. I saved the half of the pasta I couldn't finish and I am enlisting in the services of CSI to help me resolve this pasta problematica.
If anyone else has experienced violent vomitting or assplosions from Noodles & Company cusine, my prayers are with you in your time of need.
Focus groups are now forming.