Dropping ass has never been easier with this invention

If you're going to poot, poot into this.

The Maddy Hatter

How many hats could a mad hatter wear if a maddy could wear mad hats?


To make up for the delightfully sinister post I had written earlier, I decided to post some cutsie, cutsie pictures of Miss Maddy modeling several of her hats in an attempt to win over your hearts again.

She's so cute it makes me sick, and shes my kid! You gotta love her.

What a ham.

Brainstorming for Microsoft

I've devised the perfect program that will allow Microsoft to appeal to a WIDER DEMOGRAPHIC, pursay.

This newest installation of Microsoft Word will convert any languge to ebonics or hip hop with just a touch of ANY of these keys: !**%#&@
It also performs opposite duty, reconfiguring any 40oz jive talk, into professional, ledgible, literacy.

No longer will the words "Beeyatch", "drawz", "funna'", "dawgz" or "boyz" be underlined, implying misspelling or improper grammar.
Also, when the user selects the "help" key, one of hip hops beloved artists pops up on the screen drive-by style, to assist their hommiez with any obsticle associated with thier
"Compton Composition"

Microsoft WORD. has been given rave reviews by the NCAA and by the Ebonics for Truth foundation.

So the next time you need to spit yo' lyrics hype, do it with Microsoft Word...
O I may jus' bust a cap in yo' ass. Word.

Size Matters for Fit Models

Remember way back when I told you that I was a "fit model" for Kohls?
No? Whats that you say? You could care less about my worthless exhistance. I knew you paid attention!

Well, my husband sent me this story about another professional Fit Model, and her explaination may better help you to understand this complex, intricate and fragile world that is fit modeling.

Just the fact the story's headline is "Size Matters" says it all. Good thing my husband caught on to that too.

My fit modeling career has actually been put on ice, as "my thighs are 2 inches too small". Not my words, it's what the designers told me. I guess it was bittersweet for me because the fact that I was losing weight made me giggle like a little girl inside, but it also meant that I didn't keep up my end of the bargain with this nationwide distributor of clothing.

So I'll have to rush out to Kohl's to buy any and all of Candie's brand designer clothing before April 30th because those items will be the last garments that will be produced exactly to my body measurements.

After I begin playing volleyball again (in May, thank Guddah) I will be remeasured to see if my thighs have gained more muscle, hence more gerth. Maybe then I can resume my position as "THE CANDIES FIT MODEL"
For now, I'll enjoy my small thighs...as will my husband!

Forget LIVE blogging!

In an effort to unite bloggers everywhere, I've arranged for a meet-and-greet in Madison where I'll be giving away cash and prizes to all who attend!

Not really. I can't back that up.

BUT, I will be at the Wal-Mart in Madison on Saturday promoting Dove's New premium line of hair care products! OOOOHHHH! AHHHHH!
Come on by and mention that you're a blogger and I'll give you
2 free samples!
Thats right, I said 2 FREE samples of Dove Hair Care Products~but you must act tomorrow between the hours of 11 and 6 as quantities are limited to the first 250 lucky Wal-Mart shoppers! Again, Thats the Madison Wal-Mart located at
7202 Watts Road, Madison Wi, 53719

Did I mention that I get a cash bonus if enough people spend $$$ while I'm there. No worries, I've got nothin' but love for my fellow bloggers. I'll split it with ya's!

Not a fan of Wal-Marts everyday low prices and sweat shop ways? Well, You'll have a second chance to meet Addy the blogger and the legend, at Wauwatosa's own, Mayfair Mall on Sunday!
I'll be giving out FREE $10.00 gift cards with the Mouse himself, MICKEY, at Mayfair's Disney Store. Bring the kiddies and shop till you drop, but not before meeting this blogger live and in person!

It's late. I've seen too many infomercials. I hate my life.

Missing Boys Still a Mystery

I'm usually not the kind to re-report info like this, my blog isn't nearly updated enough to carry that kind of clout. However, this story is nationwide and is really strange. There is a woman on our local tv stations right now, asking those individuals that they believe are out there, to come forward with the information they know. The FBI is working closely with our local law enforcement to ensure the recovery of these two boys.
They are 11 and 12 and have been missing for five days now. They were last seen on Sunday, March 19th.
More info here

No child should have to go through this.

Effin' Noodles & Company

I have absolutely no energy to do anything today. Which is why I've had a spare hour to blog (shhh! we'll just tell my husband I was dusting his tv)

It's this food poisoning hang over I'm positive I got from a dish I had at Noodles & Company yesterday. Let me take you back...

Once in a great while, I will go somewhere other than Burger King for my lunch break. I work in Brookfield and BK is right across the street, tasty AND convenient! I always get shit from the people I work with because of our occupations of dealing in the modeling industry.

"How can you eat that?!!"
"Do you know how many calories are in there?"
"A moment on the lips, an eternity on the hips honey"
"Don't let your students see you eating that, because they surely can't"

Blah blah friggity blah!
So I decided to treat myself with a little pasta dish I've become fond of at Noodles & Company. And this way, everyone would get off of my ass about my food chioces. I took my food to go and noticed when I got back to the agency, that my pasta had chicken in it. Thats fine, but I didn't pay for chicken. *At Noodles & Company, all you get is noodles. Chicken is extra, beef is extra, shrimp is extra, spice is extra, the air you breathe is extra inside Noodles & Company.
SO I looked at it as a lucky lunch day. I only ate about half of it when my hunger faded. It just didn't taste the same this time. I went back to work, recruiting Wisconsin's most sought after beauty and talent for an upcomming elite fashion show to raise money for the Boys and Girls clubs
(a very near and dear foundation to me, I'll be in it!)
All of a sudden, I became dizzy and broke out in a cold sweat. Pam, my boss and agent, looked at me and asked if I was ok. I didn't know. I brushed it off and tried to concentrate on the task at hand, but then, my stomach was struck with such pain, I knew something bad was about to happen.
Honestly, I have not felt cramping, stomach pain like that, since I was passing another human through my pelvic cavity. Really, it was THAT bad.

Pam went to get me some water and by the time she gave it to me, I knew I was going to puke. I cannot stand vomitting! I know, you're thinking,
"Well who the hell enjoys it?" I know people that can puke on a daily basis and be ok with the fact that they're going to do it again tomorrow. Those people would probably also enjoy chewing glass tainted with TB for all I know. I was lucky enough that I didn't get that sick when I was prego with my kids, if I had, there probably wouldn't be two of them to talk about!
I rushed into the bathroom, where there is only one stall, held my hair back and waited for the worst. I didn't have to wait long. My body heaved back and out came Noodles & Company in a very, impressionistic style. All swirled together in that once gleaming white toilet bowl. Then it happened again, and again. It was horrible.
After I cleaned myself up, as well as the toilet, I tried to put a light hearted, sarcastic spin on things, as I normally do. I walked back into my office where Pam sat waiting, all doe eyed and concerned.
I said, "Well, now it's official, here I am throwing up my lunch in the bathroom of the modeling agency I work for. Is there a model call tonight my body's warning me about?"
Pam, of course, just laughed.

The plague subsided, but Pam wanted me to wait until I felt better to attempt to drive home in the snow. I was ok the entire way home, until I got within a block of my house.
Has that ever happened to you? Your brain subliminally tells your body you're almost home and that you can now relax. Then all of a sudden you feel like you really have to pee or shit? Isn't that crazy?
Well, I barely made it through the door before the second wave of Noodles & Company struck again. My dad, anxiously waiting for me to get home, after being stuck with my two little terrors of children, didn't even have time to give me the re-cap of their day. I ran through the door, threw my things on the floor, tripped over my elderly labrador
(yee haw, that ryhmed!) and plummeted down to the "basement bathroom". Thats when you know it's bad. My husband always goes down there, so at least there's magazines and air freshener.
After the Angel of Death passed over my house, I resurfaced to greet my kids and explain to my dad that I surely thought I was dying. If it wasn't for the fact that I have my *problem (*see period) I would otherwise be convinced I was pregnant again. Then heads would really roll.

So I am now boycotting Noodles & Company for their neglegence of serving me with toxic chicken. Burger King has NEVER done me wrong and I whole heartidly apologize to them for doubting their exquisite menu. I saved the half of the pasta I couldn't finish and I am enlisting in the services of CSI to help me resolve this pasta problematica.
If anyone else has experienced violent vomitting or assplosions from Noodles & Company cusine, my prayers are with you in your time of need.
Focus groups are now forming.

Addy's Friends of the Day: Revisited

I've began to notice that there are more people visiting my disturbing little blog these days. I'm not sure that makes it any better though. What I wanted to do, was give those individuals a chance to meet all of my privious Friends Of the Day since I've been working really hard on the latest posts dedicated to my great friends. I want to make sure everyone is on the same page. These people, meaning my friends, can be very complicated, and since I've already been described as being "crass" according to some other bloggers...I'll make sure I'm neither insensitive nor unrefined when it comes to MY blog. (Yeah right, sure)

Opening the gates for Addy's Friend of the Day, was none other than, Aaron. You've seen his name on my blog regularly as he is the proverbial thorn in my side in the world that is the blogosphere. I had to then showcase what was good and redeeming about a fella' like Aaron, so the only rational person to be Addy's next Friend of the Day, was Kelly.
After readers got to know Kelly and Aaron, it was difficult for me to be able to top the intrigue, and that certain, "Cirque de Soleil" quality that they bring to the literary word. But I'm a confidant woman, and so I knew that you then needed to meet, Johnny. I figured I would have some fun with my following Friend of the Day, and give Danno a shout out...but then I realized that people were actually shouting out, "Dear sweet Lucifer, say it ain't so!"
So I decided to let you meet the REAL Danno that we all know and love.

It took me a while to get to the last Friend of the Day I'd posted. A lot was going on in my life, as well as hers and I felt my first job was to be a friend to her, instead of writing about her. It was worth the wait, as a woman like Jessica always will be. Right Jeffy?

So now you're up to date and ready to meet more of Addy's Friends right? You better take notes, because these will be characters in a world class novel one day. Then you'll be kicking yourself when you're at home, alone, stuffing your face with Cheeto puffs, watching Jeopardy, when Alex will give this answer:

"This was one of Addy's Friends of the Day that was seen propping up the White House to save a comrade as he dangled off the edge, clinging to life"

And since your hands will be covered with Cheeto puff crumbs, you won't be able to run over to your computer to look up the answer... to-the answer. Or the question of the answer. I hate Jeopardy.

ADDYS NEXT FRIENDS OF THE DAY:
Andrea
Michele
Jeff
Paul

They sound like a band of folk singers, don't they? Well maybe they are.

Mrs. 3000

When I checked my blog this morning, I saw that I had 3004 hits. Thats 2984 more than I expected to get since I only have about 10 friends.

I'm sure Aaron will be the first one to tell me again that my hit counter is bunk because it counts every time people come back in a day, even if someone returns multiple times. Especially since Aaron has like 8 grand on his hit counter or something ridiculous like that. Well I'm not into popularity contests, thats not why I'm here. I've got a simple way to explain why I'm proud of my 3000 and growing hits...

Did it count every time I got my ass kicked by my mom in a drunken rage?
Does it count when you spark up a bowl for breakfast, lunch and dinner?
Does it count when a "romp fest" goes from sun down to sun up?

A HIT'S A HIT BABY!

(for political purposes, I've never sparked up a bowl in the replacement of any meal)

God I hate those bloggers

I absolutely can't stand those bloggers that have modified their site, making it impossible for an unsuspecting passer- by to escape their shitty blog.
They put things like horny, naked japanimation characters that follow your mouse all over thier screen or banners over the corners of their blog that read "Make poverty history" or "Impeach Bush". And while I can't agree more with their sentiments, I have to question their actions of potentially trapping their readers to become a captive audience. Sure I can just click on the "BACK" button, but why should I have to?!!
They write about freedom of speech, but their taking away my freedom to read...or not.

I think those bloggers that deliberately remove their "Next Blog" button are nothing but douche bags and I wouldn't waste my time reading thier crap anyway.

And after you've read this post, you'll forever be linked to me now. If you try to erase me from your memory, you'll suffer the rest of your days. Many already have.

Now click on "comments"

Recipe of the Day

I"ve found the PERFECT Recipe for romance, curtosy of Effusion

Forget Recipe of the Day, this should be the recipe everyday, all day, yes, thats it....right there, yeah, I LOVE this recipe!

Kevin honey, pick up some Garbonzo beans on your way home.

I need a smoke.

Vegas or Bust

So my unique group of friends has decided that we're going to take a trip to Vegas to celebrate, well, many things- but mostly the fact that Jessica is now done with chemo, radiation and hopefully all the cancer shit for good.
We're also using it as a celebration for everyone's b days, since most of them occur in clusters. We've done group trips a few times before and it has ALWAYS been a blast.
How could it not with this group?...........














I mean, C'mon, what a bunch of fire crackers right?!! Yeah, anyhoo.
Our lovable band of buddies was having a difficult time coming to a concensus on which method would be best to GET us to Vegas. Kelly and Aaron crapped out on us because they're lame. Go over to Aarons place and make fun of him for me will ya'.
No, they're not lame. They just decided they can't participate in the festivities because now they have a house, a mortgage, medical bills, and vacation time to contend with. And not one of these reasons stands out to me as a unique situation that no one else has to deal with....AND they don't have kids! Thank lucifer, cause I finally got that image of the " Human Bat Boy" out of my head.
So minus Kelly and Aaron, we're down to lucky 7. To save money and be able to visit several spots of interest along the way, we thought we'd take our minivan and drive to vegas. Before you attempt to do the math, let me hit you with some knowledge. Wisconsin to Nevada is roughly 3000 mi round trip. Or a Wisconsinites configuration of distance is to measure it in time. So, if each of us took turns driving continuously...it would be about a days journey, with one or two stops at a local Waffle House to eat and a few potty breaks for the girls in the car. Boys can piss in a whisky bottle.
Then Jeff and Jess got a rockstar special on plane tickets from a family member, which is cool, but Kevin and I do not have the budget to fly to Vegas, and stay for an entire week with everything we'd have to spend additional $$$$ on.
And nothing on God's little green earth can prepare me for this again....

So we were, once again, split on what to do. Kevin found this awesome condo we could rent, with plenty of room for everyone. So we wouldn't have to eat out every blessed day and night in Vegas and we would have a common area for all of us to get bloody wasted and pass out in. It was either that, or pay more to saty in individual rooms on the strip. The condo just seemed more logical, but the X-factor was the distance to the strip, which was about 10 minutes. Dan made me giggle with his knowledge of "dangerous people" that linger on the buses in Vegas. Yeah Dan, in the buses, in the buffet lines, in your back pocket, under your bed.....thats Vegas Baby!
So we had a cabinet meeting this weekend to iron everything out. Let me paint a picture for you...close your eyes. Oh wait, you won't be able to read and imagine. How do lonely guys do it?
Anyway, approximately 3 electrical engineers, a licensed Dental hygenist, an SBC phone sex opperater, and one brain stem with a couple of semesters at MATC (that would be me), all on our individual laptops, searching for the best deals in Vegas. I think the hits for "Topless Shows" reached it's all time high that night. Dan. Just kidding.
After all of this, what did we decide????

Well, except for Jeff and Jess, we're all driving. And Andrea is going to get one kick ass massage at a spa for having to deal with all of us for the entire trip.
So heres to the road and the journey it will bring. It can't be that bad, right?

As for the lodging, it appears that we'll be staying at a condo and simply driving or walking where we need to go. Granted, I understand we'll be there in July and the average temperature is 112 degrees---- in the shade. We'll work it out! So if anyone has any pointers or tips for our upcomming trip to sin city, please feel free to comment.

Two things: No topless shows and no prostitutes. OK, at least no ugly ones.

Vacation Pictures

Every year, my aunt Carol, uncle Dennis and My cousin Jolean drive down to the Grand Canyon for spring break. They always take their dog "Lucky" with them as they could never bring themselves to board him for two weeks.
I guess they're having a great time, and Aunt Carol laughed and said, "That crazy Lucky just can't get enough of his frisbee"
Boy, I sure can't wait to play frisbee with Lucky when he gets home!

Happy St. Patty's Day!

I'm sure everyone is familiar with the story of St Patrick liberating Ireland from infectious snakes. So I'm not going to bother educating you on that.
What's that you say? You thought St Patrick is the Saint of all that is hoppy and brewsome...close enough.
This St Patty's day, I only have one question for you. The most important question really. The Irish Question.


Can any of you explain what the answer to this question is? The Micks are counting on you wits! I'll post the answer tomorrow.

Enjoy St Patricks Day! And as gay as this will sound, please drink responsibly. Coming from a non drinker, it's easy enough to say, but I don't want to be your new hood ornament because you don't have the blarney stones to take a free bus or cab ride or have a sober friend take your car keys.
And just so you don't think I have no Irish spirit on this festive of days, an old Irish toast to warm your hearts and bellies
Cheers assholes!

Oh Mother dear, I'm over here
and I'm never coming back.
What keeps me here is the Beer,
the Women and the Craic!

When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven!

Here’s to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold beer—and another one!

For every wound, a balm.
For every sorrow, cheer.
For every storm, a calm.
For every thirst, a beer.
Best while you have it use your breath
There is no drinking after death.

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here.

Be one who drinks the finest of ales.
Every day without fail.
Even when you have drank enough,
Remember that ale is wonderful stuff.

He that buys land buys many stones.
He that buys flesh buys many bones.
He that buys eggs buys many shells,
But he that buys good beer buys nothing else.

You guys came by to have some fun.
You’ll come and stay all night, I fear.
But I know how to make you run.
I’ll serve you all generic beer.

Here’s to temperance supper,
With water in glasses tall,
And coffee and tea to end with—
And me not there at all!

An Irishman is never drunk as long as
He can hold onto one blade of grass and not
Fall off the face of the earth.
--Old Irish toast

Universe, like our economy, has gone through inflation

God's going to be pissed about this

My Birthday in Review

Now that things have somewhat calmed down around the homefront, I remembered that I didn't share ANY of my wonderful birthday events with you!
How emmensly insensitive of me.

So here it is in a nut shell:

Thursday (pre b day party prep): Started to feel a little under the weather but needed to clean my house that is always littered with toys and fur.

Friday: Woke up with no voice and no ambition for life. Struggled to finish cleaning, then had to shift gears to begin packing minivan with food, drinks and decorations for my party (in addition to caring for 2 sick little people too). Kevin rented a gym for me where we invited our friends to come and play volleyball and dodgeball for my birthday.

Pros- very sweet idea from the man, get to see my friends, and play v-ball
Cons- I was sick as a dog, needed to prepare everthing, and it was tough to enjoy myself completely because I had to keep an eye on my kids.
(Yes, Vinny did get konked in the noodle with one of my serves)
Then, some of our friends came back to our house until about 1:30 in the morning, until I needed to get to bed cause I had to work at 10am on Saturday.

Saturday: Medicated up with dayquil, I assisted my class in one of the BEST photoshoots I've ever seen "first timers" participate in. Came home and sat on the couch. Had tentitive plans to go out, but the flu and the husbands guilt trip kept me from doing otherwise. No birthday sex for me please.

Sunday (actual birthday): Though I still felt like shit, I Needed to get out of the house. So we packed up the family and went by my mother-in- law who lives near Cedarburg. Did a little browsing in Cedarburg, I got my special birthday apple (I won't tell unless you ask) and we got Culvers drive-thru because my daughter was having a conniption fit in the van. She was hungry, and we forgot to bring her formula...and breast feeding has not been an option since she was 3 months old.
My mother-in-law bought me Tiramasu and cannoli's in lieu of a cake and we enjoyed our Culvers at thier dinner table.
Pretty standard really. Don't you all celebrate your birthday's this exact way? Why wouldn't you?

The icing on this proverbial cake was when I was in the bathroom at work just the other day, I was pulling my hair back into a clip, when I noticed something shining strangely in the under layer of my tresses. ONE GRAY HAIR, only about an inch long, but definitely gray or white. Whatever it is that OLD people call it, I had it!
Now I've had time to contimplate the fact that I'm closer to 30 now than I am 20, but Addy was NOT prepared to see that in the mirror.
I've been able to accept the fact that my body will still retain some of the damage that having babies causes...even as I once again approach my pre-baby size 5 and now weigh 121 lbs. But I've gotta be completely honest when I say I was thrown for a loop when I saw that gray hair. As shallow and airheaded as it sounds.
I guess I've had too much stress lately. Anybody know where this post birthday girl can find a cheap cruise?
I do want to thank all of my friends and family for the lovely gifts and for coming to my little open gym -boree. Even Aaron played dodgeball, he was good target practice!

Exercise your brain!

Since yesterday was PI day, I've decided that we should practice exercises that will sharpen our thinking and concentration skills.
Don't worry, I won't overwhelm you with MENSA questions that make you feel like a complete retard, like Mitchieville does.

Baby steps, we'll take it nice and easy to begin with. How 'bout MEMORY? Do you even remember that game? A bunch of cards, flipped over, you pick two at a time to over turn and try to make pairs. That's it, We'll play memory! The fastest time gets a Skor Bar!

Oh, did I mention the "memory cards" are hot sexy women in tiny bikinis?

Now get to work!

HAPPY PI DAY!!!!!

I'm celebrating the wonderment in the exhistance of pie!!! Blueberry and cherry and French Sil---
What? Not that kind of pie you say. 3.14 and on and on and on, kind of PI?

Well, thats pretty kinky too. And math nerds made it easy for us to remember as we celebrate it on March 14th (3.14)

You can even send the love in your life a PI day e greeting...I did!
I'm down with PI day, even though I personally haven't done any math that involved PI since I skipped geometry and needed to figure out bus fare from Tech to Kelly's house in West Allis.
It's also Albert Einstein's Birthday today too, so don't forget to brush up on your thories of relativity.
If you happen to be a math geek that just can't get enough PI, like me, but without pastry, you can get your fill of BOTH at Earnie's 3-D Pancakes a blog devoted to exploring the mystery of numbers.

Yeah, I'm never goin' there either.



Level of interest in this post: 3.14%

What women really want: The List

I told you I was going to publish a LIST of what I think women really want. What we want out of friendship, out of life and even out of a partner. I wanted to hit the nail on the head of what it is that really turns us on about men.
I shouldn't be too far off, cause at times, I've been compared to a woman, so how hard can it be right? I may have purposely missed a few important items in the feeble attempt to prompt response from you. So without further adeu....

WHAT DO WOMEN WANT???

Women want to be desired. Plain and simple.

We want really great hair, without a lot of fuss of course.

We want to spend a lot of quality time with our partner. The definition of which differs drastically between the sexes.

At the same time, women want to spend more time with their friends. Women need thier girlfriends. And not the girlfriends men visualize us having.

Women want to be intelligent and attractive, emancipated and maternal, affectionate and strong. Women are good at multi-tasking.

Now listen very closely guys, cause I'm talking cosmic secrets here: Confidence... not arrogance, not dominance, not one-upsmanship, not useless bravado, not macho heroics. We just love truly confident men.

We want to see you dance with our daughters--- when she's a baby, a little lady, a difficult teenager, and finally, when she becomes someones wife one day. You are the most important relationship she'll ever have with another man. Make it matter.

We want to eat expensive chocolates and not be asked why, or what the difference is between Godiva and Walgreens brand.

We want our parents to like you. Really.

(this ones for my beautiful sister in law who recently got engaged) There are times that we really want you to come to family or social function's with us...even if you dread the thought of it, please just do it for us. You'll be saving yourself in the future

Just once, we'd like to see YOU cry during a movie. It's part of that confidence thing.

We don't want to be laughed at when we cry during a movie either.

Women really want you to know that we're stronger than you think.

Although woman like to believe a man is willing to deal with a lot of things, what really counts is that they are able to deal with us. A healthy, mature woman resists impassioned commitment to a man who is afraid of her sexuality, her intelligence, or her emotions.

Women need to borrow clothing from their girlfriends. It's just something we have to do.

We want to be the most beautiful woman in your eyes, no matter what.

We want to be told we're the most beautiful woman to you...and be able to believe it.

We want our career to be important. Though it should NEVER be more important than the relationship between a man and woman. And that goes the same for a man's career too.

Women want and need to laugh. Any man that can make us laugh is in like flynn.

We really need that one girlfriend that we can tell anything to. Good or bad...and know that we're safe.

Women really need you to know that size dosen't matter, but it helps

Women need to remember that when you feel you can't love anymore, thats when you most need to love yourself.

We really need to know who we are seperate from being so-in-so's girlfriend or wife (thats NOT to be taken negatively guys)

Women want shoes more than you know (duhhh)

We really want you to help potty train our son's

In addition to potty training, women need you to teach our son's to be responsible, respectable men. There are just some things that dads can, and should do better than moms.

Women really want that one dress that makes us look amazing...

And women want the accessories to go with it

Women need to listen to sappy songs that make us cry, over and over. Deal with it.

Women want thier men to go shopping with them, and find an outfit that would stop them in their tracks if they saw us wearing it out. Then buy it, knowing it'll never get past the bedroom floor.

We want our wedding day to be important to you.

We want to support our friends and spouses in whatever they do. Sometimes that may cause conflict between the friends and spouses. Please try to understand.

We'll always try to make you feel like the conquerer of our hearts. But chances are, there was someone here before that loved us very much. Please don't be jelous. We want you to know that they contributed to who we are today.

Women really want romance

Women really want world peace

And this woman really wants to know what you think.

Disclaimer: Make no assumptions. This is not a Wish List for my husband. So don't start writing me about that. Everyone has thier flaws, thats what makes us unique. I'll have you know that Kevin has preformed many of these "tasks" or "wishes" I've discussed... so for the most part, I'm a lucky girl.
But he's LUCKIER! hee hee

International Womens Day!!!!

In honor of International Womens Day, I am in the process of composing a list of all of the things women really want. And I'll tell ya'---a pink poodle named precious in a rhinestone collar is NOT on the list!

Until I get it posted though, feel free to paruse some other blogs of notable women around the world in the International Museum of Women

We fuckin' rock!

Artisticlly Delicious!

So what happens when you go to Chicago expecting to work the entire weekend in a high profile hairshow...and things don't go quite how you planned?
You say, f***k them and take your happy, uncultured ass to the
Art Institute of Chicago.
I'd been there one other time and didn't get to see everything I'd wanted. Though it would take several hours (or days) to comb through such an incredible establishment, this time, I DID see the things that were most important to me.


I took pictures KNOWING it was going to become a blog post for all of you.

This is for all of you that will never see the museum except for the occasional watching of Ferris Beullar's Day Off.





I can't quite tell, would you say phallic?

I absolutely LOVE the suits of armour. It makes me feel all giddy inside when I think of the Renniasance period. Sure, people were slaughtered unnecessarily due to the corruption of religion and greed...but we're doing the same things today and at least they looked bad ass doin' it in the 1400's.









And yes...anything having to do with a horse wearing armour is bad ass too!

This Reliquary is said to house the Tooth of John the Baptist. You like the reflection of my claw-like finger's gripped to my camera? Yeah, I'm like a National Geographic photographer with my creative angles. Just wait till you see my African nudes.

I'm a big fan of Angels. I didn't see who the artist was that painted this, so if this looks familiar to any of you true art buffs, please let me know so I can find a book with the rest of this artists works.

I've always loved this piece. It's actually one in a series of 3 or 4. My friends Jeff and Jess have this in their house, only it's teeny tiny (and I've thought about shoving it in my purse every time I'm over there!)

What's art without a butt shot?

Can you guess which world reknowned artist created this little cardboard demon, complete with 3-D genitalia?

Did you guess yet?

Ok, I don't want to be here all night...

It was Pablo Picasso. I thought it was a little weird too. But then again, all of those artists were tomented nut jobs.

And now it's time for another exciting round of....

ART or SHART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The game where you decide if the piece is art or a piece of shit.

Our first selection is a 25 ft high canvas, painted....black. All over.

And I thought it was hard to watch my husbands wide screen while it's tuned in to "Attack of the Show!"

CALL IT OUT NOW.....

ART or SHART?????

Our second piece in contention for sharthood is a seemingly large frame, with an equally large cable protruding off of the piece, and onto the floor.

OK now, ART or SHART??? Hell, I'll give ya' the 411 on this because otherwise it dosen't stand a chance as acceptable art.

Our third artistic quiery comes to you in the form of an old drawer, with a marble of the earth and the smallest enema bulb I've ever seen. Wait! Maybe it's the artists interpretation of "the world's smallest enema bulb"

Alright, now I get it. It's art..............

for me to shart on!

And finally, our last creative questionable looks like my son's bedroom. I wasn't able to get the bio on this "Piece?" but it reminds me of the recycling projects we use to have to do in high school.

Everyone would wait until the last possible minute to think of something to do to better our home planet, and then run out to Goodwill, buy a ripped, stained, one eyed, teddy bear for 10 cents, pay for it in canadian pennies and say they were going to give it to a deserving child that otherwise, would never recieve such a treasure. Somehow, this jackass got his selfish, ignorant idea to stick, and some other jackass called it art.

I will admidt the pink snake is pretty cool. ANYWAY, VOTE DAMIT!

ART or SHART?!?!?!?!?!!?

That'll do it for my art show. I have but one last thought for you to ponder.

Thats artist for: "make like a man that just found out his girlfriend is pregnant, and LEAVE"

Everybody's a critic

So I was once again searching for blogs that would make me look like a well read, in touch, blogger. Yeah, anywho...
Though I do think I found my new best friend in THE COMPANY BITCH

If you were appauled at the idea and site of me taking a picture of my own "assets", just get a load of what "Gotcha" had to say when her "Reusable-Boyfriend or a Re-Boyfriend but Ex-Boyfriend" as she calls him, had to say about HER boobs over an entire bottle of red wine and the excitement that the Oscars will bring out in any red blooded male. PRICELESS!


It's just furthur proof that the Dodo got the shaft on the evolutionary ladder of extinction.

Real Life Simpsons

I'm not as big of a fan of the Simpsons as I was, oh, when I was 12. But it's still good for a laugh every now and then (sorry Johnny)

This Video shows us what the Simpsons would be if they were real. You know, like us... not disfunctional, fat and unhappy. Wait a second??!!!.....

The Clock is Ticking

The last weekend before my birthday has now passed, giving all of you less than 6 optimum shopping days to find those rare treasures you had in mind for me.

If you're still stumped, I can give you a few examples of what a good gift looks like.
I spent an amazing weekend in Chicago, and thats where I recieved this first birthday gift.

I'm somewhat of a minimalist when it comes to jewelry, so I don't like wearing a lot of things that would "over shadow" or look too busty, I mean busy.

Gentlemen, take a hint from Addy...you'll never go wrong with jewelry.
Just make sure to let her pick it out if you have no taste.

And to answer the question thats looming in the back of your medula oblongata... yes, I'm sure every woman has taken a picture of her boobs in a low cut dress at least once. It's like men saying they've never measured. PUH-LEASE!

Brokeback Lipsync-ing

I had to steal this from Mitchieville as soon as my corrupted little soul was made aware of its exhistance.
I've worked very closely with men that are considered "stereotypiclly gay"
(ie hair stylists in leather pants) and none of them have EVER looked this ridiculous.
I acredit Mitchieville with their findings, and quite frankly, I'm a little worried about you Mayor.

Let the count down begin

Alert the unicycle riding penguins and sombody find that midget that serves tostada chips out of his oversized sombrero.
Is it really oversized or is it just a normally sized obnoxious sombrero that looks even more obnoxious on senior pequeno? Nevermind.

There are only 9 more days until Addy celebrates another trip around the sun.

You may be thinking, "Big deal", and to that I say, "Shame on AND screw you" at the same time! I expect no less than a digital pony from all of you. Maybe some e-coupons for Webbs would be nice.
Buy one get one Double Cheeseburgers, can't beat that!

Actually, I really don't even care about my birthday this year. As sad and pathetic as that sounds, I've already set my focus far ahead of myself and have begun planning for my daughters 1st birthday in the end of April. Babies trump everything, and thats just the way it is.

Maybe I'll get a chance to sneek away and slam a margarita in a dark corner of a dirty mexican restaurant. Then I'll be happy...

Just make sure the midget comes around with chips.

I've FINALLY done it!

Praise Lucifer, I've finally posted all of my favorite blog sites on my side bar!

I ran across one of my newest favorite blogs this morning, and I'm really looking forward to seeing it develop as it unveils

In the words of blog author, Stephen B DeVogel from Boulder Co.,
"A blog to host the travel diary and scientific discoveries I make as my colleagues and I travel through Madagascar in search of fossil Aepyornis (elephant bird) eggs. The trip begins 26 March 2006!"


I've already told you I'm a science buff. These are things I always dreamed of doing when I was little, and fortunately, the dreams never subsided into adulthood. So hopefully through Stephen's eyes and literary skills, we can experience Madagascar and all of its historical, scientific wonder!
I know, you're thinking I'm crazy. Hey, the only look at Madagascar I get, is in Dreamworks latest movie where Ben Stiller Plays a lion, David Schwimmer is a neurotic giraffe, and Chris Rocks character is a Zebra who doesn't know if he's BLACK with white stripes, or WHITE with black stripes.

Quite frankly, I welcome Stephen's research. Good luck on your expedition! I'll be watching!

You ask, Addy delivers!

In my recent post where I admited to having bloggers block, I asked you, my dedicated and devoted readers, to enlighten me with your endless pursuit of knowledge. I asked you what you wanted to see on the pages of {In}Conspicous Construction. Well you answered, and answer you did.

Fenris Badwulf of the canukistan clan of Mitchieville proposed:
"I would like to see more articles on Helping Others, especially the Downtrodden. I also like articles on food eaten by Pre-Christian Cultures. Perhaps articles on getting along with your dog and cat."

Well, Fenris, I'd do just about anything to keep you coming back. Only because I love your blog name. It just so happens that I posess some knowledge I'd like to share on ALL of these wonderfully complex topics, but I'll get the easiest out of the way first.
Foods Eaten by Pre-Christian Cultures

Since Christianity hasn't been around all that long, especially when you compare it to the span of time that humans have walked the earth-- Regardless of whether or not our knuckles dragged on the ground
Pre Christian cultures are normally thought of as having a lack of religion, or pagan cultures. And that is not true at all.
Such civilizations include, the Indian (feathers not dots)
Celtic cultures, Ok so maybe it's not the best picture, but it's recognizable

Bronze Age communities (that would be your Egyptian Pharaohs), going all the way back to the Mesolithic, which included the hunter-gatherers of the middle stone age about 10,000 years ago. Think "The Flintstones" for all of you that haven't had the privilage of MATC's Earth Science class training as I've been privy to.
Well Fenris, the foods eaten by these Pre Christian cultures range from dirt, rocks and roots for the "downtrodden" of the time, (as you would refer to them as), and get pretty delectable, like mammoth, and hazel nuts, as well as fruits, plants, flowers and livestock only avaliable to the highest members of society. Especially in Egypt and Europe.

Then it's pretty simple really. Once JC came along about 2000 years ago and people started believing that this guy wasn't bluffing when He said He could cure the dead and would save man from his own sins...it was all down hill from there.

JC had His posse of 12 losers following him around all day, always nagging Him to turn stuff into food.

"C'mon Lord I know you can do it,

just one more fish, or I'll call Pontious Pilate"

Then the diciples became greedy. They frequently asked JC, who knew His time was coming to an end, to change their wives into the shepards daughters they very much coveted throughout their travels in Galilee. JC was frustrated. He showed these men how to live, how to fish and still they sought His constant guidance. What was Jesus to do, knowing He would have to leave these men to fend for themselves?

He created Ray Crock and man never hunted again.

I will tackle more of your requests in future, exciting posts of:

YOU ASK, ADDY DELIVERS!

Where Do I Stand On the Political Spectrum?

In an effort to keep it short and sweet for my readers, as Aaron and Belle have suggested in thier co-parented post, I'm going to state my opinions and leave them open for discussion.

I'm in favor of the smoking ban

Her child has SO much to look forward to.

And I support same sex marriage

...and apparently polygamy???

The way I see it, I'd rather dine in a restaurant and sit next to a gay couple bikering over flannel shirts or paprika, versus inhaling the stench of ciggarettes, thus ruining my flavorful french dip.

Now gays that want to be married AND smoke in public...thats a different story

OH! And heres the COLOR Aaron suggested all bloggers incorporate into each post to infuse interest upon their readersHows that?

North Pole Sunsets

This is an incredible sunset at the North Pole with the moon at its closest point. Reminds me of something from D&D. Ok, now my true colors have shown.

Nature and science have always amazed me. They are among the very few things in this world that you cannot control. That, and Paris Hilton.

Can't get enough of science imagery? Probably not, but if you ARE like me, you'll love this site too